So, I've had something of a tumultuous, crazy several weeks.
(In a rush? Scroll down to find the list of signs that it may be time to seek additional support).
My happiest memories as a three-year-old was the birth of my youngest brother, and the tingle I within my spirit as I danced. I still sense the tickle around my heart as I remember anticipating the experiences this delicate being would add to my life. Dancing incited my physical self-awareness. I know my scattered improvisations were absurd. But I felt good stomping, spinning and flailing my limbs to the rhythm. I now experience the same rush as my body responds to music. I think I developed better coordination. While both events are different, each one reminds me, moments are temporary, but the impact can last forever. I was in my late thirties when a psychiatrist was gauging my ability to return home after a short stay in a Behavioral Unit. She helped me recognize what is necessary to create the dynamics that allowed a flow I found favorable, where I kept the pace. Our conversation included self-esteem, confidence, safety, and what I later learned to be a Locus of Control. During her explanation for each of those topics, she mentioned personal-boundaries every time.
I have always been afraid to say that, I NEED THERAPY.
At some point or another just about everyone tries to make some sense of his or her own life. In the busy world that most of us live in today, it is a blessing that we can stand on the shoulders of psychologists like Urie Bronfenbrenner, who provide a framework that allows us to examine our life from a developmental standpoint in a methodical way. As stated in the fifth edition of The Developing Person Through the Life Span, Urie Bronfenbrenner, a developmental researcher, created a developmental theory known as the Ecological Systems Theory. This theory proposes that each person is significantly affected by interactions among a number of overlapping ecosystems. These systems include the microsystem, the mesosystem, the exosystem, the macosystem, and more recently he added the chronosystem. The microsystem is the primary component to this theory, and for a child it involves the family, peer group, classroom, neighborhood, and for some, a place of worship. The next component is the interwoven relationship, or cooperation of at least two members in the microsystem. For example, if a parent meets with their child’s teacher to help the child, the mesosystem is at work.
Rejection is an ordinary part of life. And, while there may be some added emotional sting to the rejection that comes with creative pursuits, it is still no different than the rejection that greets us every day. I am practiced at rejection. I like to mention to people who think that they will work at a library that I got hired on my 98th application. I have submitted poetry to literary journals every week for almost two years now. I went through a list of over 150 agents when I was first pitching my first novel. Rejection is something that I have a lot of practice at.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy aims to help people who don't know how to deal with difficult emotions. People who benefit from DBT react with yelling, threats, or aggression in situations in a way most people would think is inappropriate. They feel misunderstood, invalidated, hurt, or angry, and don’t know what to do with feelings that seem to be too much and too big.
I'm applying for jobs, right? Because I legitimately cannot stay at the one that I am at. Because I need to be an adult for a little while, and I need to find something stable. I need a job where I will always know that I will have health insurance. I need a work week that is the same every week. I need a career that has somewhere to go. Because I'm sick of being poor and trying to make the impossible be financially fungible. It isn't. Because I need a job where I don't have to worry about talking to people every day and letting my social meter slowly degrade while I neglect friendships and relationships.