Simple Ways to Help a Trauma Survivor

Do you know anyone who has been affected by trauma?

Do you know how to help them in a healthy and positive way without being condescending or intrusive?

What if the trauma survivor is using alcohol or drugs to get by each day? Does that change your mind to help them?

What if the trauma survivor is suffering from depression and is hard to be around? Do you turn away when the going gets tough?

Trauma is something that has become a normal household word. You hear it on the news, and it’s thrown out into the ether as if it’s dog food to be shared by the masses.

That is not the case.

People who are suffering after trauma are often leading insular and lonely lives. It’s most often suffered in silence.

The word trauma isn’t something to be taken lightly.

Trauma carries with it deep pain and emotional suffering. It comes with horrific nightmares, shame, anxiety, and depression. If an individual carries the memories of something traumatic, they are hurting. Those emotions must come out somehow.

The way someone deals with pain from traumatic events can be as varied as the color hues in a rainbow. It’s hard to love someone who has survived traumatic events. It takes time and patience, but it’s worth it.

You want to help them, right?

You want to make their world a little lighter and take away some of that burden.

You want to make them happy.

Maybe someone in your community or extended family is recovering from something traumatic right now?

A hero returning from the war zone struggling to adjust back to civilian life after fighting for their country.

A family member suddenly falling apart after something traumatic that triggers deep set memories from long ago.

An abuse scandal in the community affecting one of your loved ones.

A messy divorce. A tragic accident. A death.

These events are happening everywhere in our world right now. It’s happening in your city, in your neighborhood, even in your street.

How can you help someone who is struggling after trauma?

This is a big question to answer because it depends on where your trauma survivor is in their life. A survivor can be complex to help because of their layers of trauma of what happened to them, and how they are coping with life right now.

I use the word coping here because that’s what it’s like. I know because I was once there, struggling after leaving my family who abused and hurt me.

A trauma survivor is coping, not living life to the fullest. Most survivors need help to start living their life more successfully, but no survivor will be going out to ask for this help.

Those who really need help, never ask for it.

Help usually happens after something like a catalyst or event that lands the survivor in trouble. They may end up in hospital after an overdose, or drunk in a gutter, or in jail.

Hitting rock bottom.

Helping a trauma survivor is not as easy as helping someone who has a secure attachment in life but has fallen into hardship. These are not trauma survivors and will recover after a relative short period of time.

For example:

Someone who has lost their job. He or she would be able to find another one fairly quickly. The level of help you give is temporary in nature and something they would normally do for themselves, like paying a bill.

Someone who is ill and needs help with childcare while they recover. You would happily help the person who needs your help temporarily while they recover or undergoing treatments.

Trauma survivors are complex to help.

Trauma survivors have been hurt in the most profound way from abuse, torture, and life-threatening situations.

They are likely to feel that life is stacked against them and there is no hope left.

They are not going to trust easily.

They are likely struggling to control their emotions.

Think about how your loved one reacts after a nightmare, or a sudden noise from a car back firing in the street, or a man shouting in the food market. Chances are that their reaction is over the top, crazy level of emotions for something you cannot see.

That pain is real and it’s often something you cannot see on the outside. This is not a mental illness. This is pain rearing its ugly head in the form of a horrific memory.

What you’ve experienced here is what’s called a trigger to a world of pain. It’s a bit like the straw that broke the camel’s back. The trauma survivor has been triggered to a past reality hell, and their reaction is from that event and not the trigger in the present moment.

Confused?

Yeah, I get it. I’ve lived with trauma triggers all my life and I’ve seen the question marks on those around me when I react to something.

Trauma survivors are complex because they are so reactive and emotionally charged already. What they need is time, compassion, empathy, and love.

Here are a few ways to help someone who’s going through the aftermath of trauma:

Stop what you are doing and listen without judging or commenting.

Put your phone on silent so you are not disturbed. Sometimes the words don’t come easy so bear with them. Encourage them to talk and guide them when they ask for it. Try not to interrupt and let the words come.

Don’t make statements or remarks like “You’re lucky to have got out of there.” It doesn’t help.

Offer the trauma survivor concrete help. They might need your help to prepare a meal, stay with them while they are struggling and help with the kids or pets.

Keep the normal routine. It’s so important for a survivor to continue with life as normal. Take the dog for a walk, go to that yoga class, meet up for coffee. This helps a survivor because they aren’t thinking of the trauma, but their current life in the present.

Respect boundaries and triggers. Learn to understand what activities, sounds and situations make the survivor react. Personal space is a big one that can be confusing for a trauma survivor.

Know them and love them. This is the most important one. If you know someone, you will understand them and can help them.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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