Self-made miserable life — is it worth blaming ourselves for the missing happiness?

When is the last time when you laughed for real? Do you remember what made you genuinely happy? What defined the moment when you were elated and feeling as if on cloud nine?

If you are struggling to reply to these questions, you truly need to stop and review your life and its direction.

Something is holding you up. There is an obstacle between you and your happiness. It is time to evaluate your priorities. What matters to you the most? Are you working towards your happiness?

. . .

Your life only ends with your death

Throughout our lives, we go through various adverse events. Some bigger, some less important. The fact is that everyone will go through struggles that leave permanent marks.

Comparing one person’s misfortune to another one’s is pointless, inappropriate, dismissive and disrespectful.

We are all different and have different tolerance towards hardship. Just because somebody appears to be “overreacting” does not mean that they are simply some kind of subhumans, spoiled by their parents and unwilling to grow up.

Everybody has problems of some kind. The other person’s problems might appear mundane and unimportant, yet it might be keeping them awake at night with negative thoughts racing through their mind.

Show respect even if you do not fully understand the reasons.

It is never too late to clear the table and stop doing the things that make you miserable. Probably the initial stage will hurt, maybe it will bring tears and insecurity, but it is the final goal that matters — the destination of this journey.

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Nobody consciously chooses to be miserable

Struggling to handle life events is not a weakness of character. It often reflects unhealed wounds from the past, often originating in childhood. Nobody chose the way they were brought up. Being criticised for matters beyond one’s control is unfair. In some cases, parents wish for the best, yet they leave permanent marks on their children’s souls. And sadly, these tend to propagate from one generation to another simply because each of these people believes that this is the one and only approach to parenting. Wounds create wounds. Ouch.

Doing what you believe is good for another person does not mean you are always right.

And neither does it excuse any wrongdoings. Maybe it sounds harsh and ungrateful but assuming that you are doing the right thing is nothing but an assumption. You can still be wrong.

It does not matter if you make sacrifices for the other if the end result are wounds in their soul.

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Setting up ourselves for a failure

People who lack self-confidence often resort to people-pleasing. That brings some approval and triggers the feeling of being successful. Sadly, this comes at the cost of one’s well-being and true happiness. The brain loves a dopamine rush. Receiving praise can be a massive overdose on the happiness hormone. This makes some people go too far, ignoring themselves and their own needs.

Are you chasing your dreams or setting yourself up for a failure? This is an AI-generated artwork I prepared in starryai.

I love cliches for how true they often are. Happiness comes from within.

Nothing can make you happy if you are unhappy with who you are.

We need to look at ourselves in the mirror and see what the roots of insecurities are. What is the issue related to our perceived flaws? Are they creating a feeling of guilt and even self-hatred? Why?

Is your attitude towards your flaws actually the result of others’ opinions?

. . .

What to do about it?

There is no simple cure. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a therapist. A professional can guide you to the core of your problems. Recovery takes years. It is a long journey, but one that brings more self-understanding.

Knowing who you are and what your needs are will lead you to true happiness.

Good luck!

This article is (or will be) reposted on my other blogging and social profiles.

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