Saying No When You Have To Prioritize Your Own Needs.

My work and studies have become busier today as I try to reach my career goals, and so has my home life.

Life at home can be an endless chore of washing, cleaning, and meeting other people's needs, leaving very little time for my own work.

I have struggled recently trying to keep up with my work because there have been times when I haven't been able to study or work until late evening hours, which is not good for my mental health or self-care.

I still have to do things, though I learned recently that boundaries and time limits were necessary to enable me to look after myself and keep up with my work.

That doesn't mean I leave everything to everyone else; It means that I have realized that when you live with others, it is easy to become stuck in a cycle where everyone starts depending on you without giving a thought to your needs.

I am also a carer, but that doesn't mean I have to lose myself doing it, and yes my adult children still need me, but if I allow my life to revolve around everyone else, I'd never have a life or career of my own.

Do I sound selfish?

That would be the wrong assumption to make!

I am a writer and a student who is trying to be an individual and build a life for myself.

I am allowed to have a life of my own and be an individual. I am allowed to care about my own needs, and not just the needs of everyone else who lives with me.

Sometimes, people can be over-reliant on others in order to get their own needs met, without considering the other person's needs, especially when they have difficulties themselves or mental health/emotional behavior difficulties; it also happens in long-term relationships and between grown children and parents where there have been past difficulties such as mental illness, and the past sufferer has changed and stopped saying yes to everything.

Recently; I have been extremely tired and overwhelmed during the day, and I have been fighting with sleep.

I realized today that this was because I was being overworked and relied on, to a point where I was saying yes to everything just to keep the peace, while I was spending late hours that went on until after midnight or early morning struggling to catch up with my own work, whilst battling to have any time at all to myself.

I became caught up in looking after everyone else but myself. I haven't been out alone or seen friends for many weeks because I've been doing chores, trying to study, and writing late in a bid to catch up, and I have been focusing too much on everyone else but me.

In the past, I did Dialectal Behavioural Therapy to treat my own past mental health problems. I was taught to see Self-Care as a priority, not just a luxury and I am not just talking about makeup, bubble baths, and hair care. I'm talking about ensuring I eat and drink properly, socialize, take care of physical health, looking after my own work, and ensuring that I am working on my own emotional health while taking care of everyone else.#

I was also taught to say no to things I just couldn't do for others, in order to make sure I was managing to fit in my own needs; essential to looking after my own mental health.

Recently, I have had to say no to meeting a lot of other people's needs even if they are desperate. I was taking on too much, and not really thinking about my own needs.

Of course, I am still available to help, but not to a point of letting myself, my work, or my own needs go.

There have been times when others have been struggling, and I haven't wanted to say no; though I have had to, in order to take care of my own priorities.

People will call you selfish and have a go at you for putting yourself first sometimes. However, putting yourself first is sometimes essential.

You can't take care of everyone else if you don't look after yourself first.

I hope that you enjoyed this story.

Hearts are welcome and optional tips always boost my writing confidence.

You can subscribe by hitting the subscribe button in my profile if you'd like to stay up to date with the many stories I write. I write fiction, and poetry, about mental health, and many other topics.