No Comparison

Today a question was raised about what brought me joy and try as I might I couldn’t think of a truthful answer. Here, right in the middle of the most joyous time of the year, I could not think of a single thing that brings me joy. This left me reeling for a few hours trying to figure out how I got here. I can’t say that I feel particularly unhappy, so why in the world wouldn’t there be something I could pick off the top of my head that makes me feel joyful?

After a few hours of rumination, the adage “comparison is the thief of joy” crept into my mind. While I’ve always agreed with this trite old phrase, it has never resonated quite so loudly as it did today. This year has been a tough one financially for many people around the world, and my little family has certainly felt the brunt of the uncertain economic times. Yet, as I scroll through social media looking at all the splendors of the season, I find myself looking at our small tree with no gifts to be seen I can’t help but feel like I’m not quite enough.

Though my teen is no longer small with expectations of lavish gifts from Santa (not that he was ever that kid honestly), and certainly old enough to understand financial struggle, I can’t help but feel the twinge of guilt for not being able to shower my loved ones with all the hottest new trends from store shelves. Then I see the families with littles and there is that pang of wishing I could turn back time and experience the magic the season held when there was someone in the house who still “believed”. Maybe I'm even looking through posts of the amazing baked goodies and recalling the aromas they used to create in my own kitchen… only to remember that my dietary needs have changed, and the price of groceries has left us pinching pennies.

Then there’s the big one, looking at posts from everyone’s parties and get-togethers I find myself thinking of those who are no longer here with me to celebrate the season. That one hits hard, especially when you grew up in a very large family that would always make it a point to set aside differences and come together for Christmas. It is never quite the same when those people become a collection of memories.

What’s interesting is that I hadn’t even realized I was comparing my life so much with the highlight reels others post until that one simple question was presented today. I have been so caught up in how I wasn’t measuring up to everyone else that I forgot to find joy in the simple things in my life that many would be thrilled with. There are the obvious points of gratitude such as a roof over my head, enough food on the table, and all the other basic needs that are met… but there is so much more.

For instance, I have a genuinely loving and supportive partner that does his darndest to make sure all our needs are met and doesn’t complain about lacking extra this year. I have a son who is kind and understanding about spending limits, never giving us a hard time when we must cut back. I have an immediate family and wonderful in-laws that are perfectly happy knowing they will likely be receiving hand-made or 3D-printed gifts this Christmas. The home that my grandmother created so many happy family gatherings in, filled with love, now belongs to me… as do many keepsakes and trinkets that once belonged to loved ones we have lost along the way.

I spend my days surrounded by amazing memories of my youth in a very literal sense and had gotten so lost in my responsibilities and struggles that I forgot to take stock of the joy these things bring me. Today I would like to begin focusing on the positives for the remainder of the holiday season and would challenge any of you that may also be struggling this season to join me in finding the joys of life. Feel free to share your joys with me in the comments! I would love to read them.

I would like to thank Rick Henry for posing the question that inspired this piece. Thank you for all your hard work in supporting and motivating the community!