I Don't Feel Real

My brother and I are trying this challenge?

What is this?

"2 3 , , 1, GO!"

We put it in our mouth.

Uhh, what is this?

It tastes weird...

Why is my brother freaking out about it?

I don't feel anything...?

Why is my broth-

....

What is that.

That.

That...

I don't know.

Feeling?

Vision?

What is that?

Am I not real right now?

Why is my mum looking at me laughing?

Why are my family staring at me...

Why is my brother acting like that?

What is going on.

What is happening to me.

...

We were just eating spicy candy....

~

This is not my reality anymore.

I feel like nothing around me is real...

I feel empty.

I feel lost...

I often don't tell or talk about this to people. Usually when I do it will come off as...

"What do you mean you don't feel real?"

"I don't know... I just. I see. I don't know."

I can't explain it.

I hope one day I'll visit the right reality I feel most real in and meet other people who understand what I'm not capable of understanding myself.

Derealization is a really cruel feeling, it's like being trapped in nightmare where you can't wake up from. It's as if you've become a ghost drifting through a foggy purgatory, disconnected from everyone and everything. No matter how hard you try to grasp onto reality, it slips through your fingers like smoke, leaving you lost in a terrifying void.

No matter how smart how I attempt to escape this matrix of reality I see, it will forever follow with me in my shadows. It will forever lurk in the back of my mind where my loss of hope sits...

I brush my hair,

More and more...

Until I feel something,

Nothing.

I feel nothing,

I brush harder,

and harder.

Still nothing~

Can't a pathetic girl like me just live her life?

...

Please connect.

Get back to my body!

Ugh!

Get back!

Not again...

I can't lose my mind again,

I can't detach myself again...

Please connect me to the real world again.

Stay attached... stay attached...

Now in public? Great.

Just keep walking, keep moving forward.

Don't look around.

Blurry faces, rapid movements,

All around me,

Surrounding me,

My mind that feels trapped and lost.

I can't, I can't do this...

I'm just going to stand here...

Waiting for reality to find me,

Not me finding reality~

~

It's happening...

Again.

Oh god,

Not again.

That one feeling comes, washing over me like a gentle wave.

Softening the edges of reality...

My mind, feels swaddled in cotton,

Muffling the sharpness of the world.

Here I go disconnected from the world now...

I'm wondering right now if I'm even real or just dreaming...

"You are real."

Who was that.

"Your mind."

My mind?

"Your mind."

Am I real?

"Yes, certainly are."

But then... why do I feel like this?

"There's something on your eyes... covering the truth from you. Take them off. Take them off."

Uh.

"You're not in the right reality. Listen to me..."

Wait.

But, why should I listen to you?

If nothing is real...

That voice isn't real.

So that means...

Nothing is real~

~

Authors Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! 💕

Derealization is an alternation in the perception of the external world causing those with the condition to perceive it as unreal, distorted or falsified.