How To Care Without Letting Others Take Advantage

Do you sometimes have that uneasy feeling that you are being taken advantage of, but not quite sure how to deal with it? If you feel that way, your instincts are right, and perhaps some coping mechanisms could be useful. The first crucial action iin such a situation is learning to say NO, and always being consistent with it, so that people know where you stand.

Loving and caring for others does not mean you say YES to everything they ask of you, because you cannot please everyone. That response is likely to encourage them to take you for granted, because they know you will act according to their expectations. Additionally, when you say YES all the time, the moment you cannot oblige they will be disappointed, and perhaps upset. However, it is best to be aware of the tell-tale actions when others are not treating your right.

Common red flags include some people:

• Always asking for favours but never returning them.
• Often making promises they don't keep.
• Trying to make you feel guilty, or obligated to do things for them.
• Trying to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.
• Putting you down, or making you feel bad about yourself, especially when you don't respond to what they want.

It is also advisable to be aware of your own vulnerabilities, because people who take advantage of others often target those who are vulnerable or insecure. If you know what your vulnerabilities are, you can be more on guard against those who might try to exploit them. It's very important to remember that you are not responsible for the behaviour of others. If someone is taking advantage of you, it is not your fault. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, especially if you have treated them in a similar manner

Preventing Disadvantage

When dealing with people in an environment of mutual respect, you need to establish certain rules with yourself to enjoy those friendships: setting boundaries that will gradually give you the confidence to be you, while showing others that you still care, too.

The main rules should be:

• Pleasing yourself first. Those who like you will stay close to you, while those who don’t, will pass you by. Don’t seek their approval, but always try to appreciate and accommodate them. You should also be clear about what you're willing to do and what you're not.
• Be consistent in your actions. Soon everyone will know what to expect from you and how to treat you. If you keep changing your behaviour for approval, or to be liked, you will gradually feel powerless and lose their respect, too.
• Be sincere and confident in your reactions. You should be equally comfortable saying YES or NO without having to explain yourself. Do remember that we all have the right to act how we feel so long as we are not harming others by that action.
• Be there for those you care about, but only within your own limits. Otherwise you will set up false expectations you cannot fulfil. Don't be afraid to communicate your needs and expectations clearly and directly. For example, if you are ill you would be in no fit state to help another ill person, so recognising your own limitations, and being prepared to say NO, is important to prevent disappointment and resentment.
• Try to be empathetic without allowing yourself to lose your perspective. Don’t go overboard in trying to ‘fix’ things for others. They have to learn to take responsibility for their own lives so that they are not completely dependent upon you.
• Just be you, and you will attract the kind of people who like your approach. You will also find it easier to be yourself without trying to impress or fit in. Trust your instincts, too. If you have a bad feeling about someone or a situation, don't ignore it. It's better to be safe than sorry.
• Know your worth and don't be afraid to walk away. Believe in yourself and your value. For example, if you're in a relationship or situation where you feel you're being taken advantage of, don't be afraid to exit it. If you don't respect yourself, it will be difficult for others to respect you, no matter how much you might wish them to do so.

These simple guides do not provide all the answers, of course, but they should help to establish mutual appreciation and respect within your friendship and interaction circles.

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