Beyond the Blues

Once upon a time, there was a girl who believed in love. As a little girl, she dreamed of the man who would one day love her, and the children they would have, the beautiful wedding and the house that they would build with their own two hands.

Two summers ago I came home from my first year at college. I rode the train from Chicago to New Orleans with my mother, while my father took the interstate with all of my belongings. The day we left, there was a palpable tension between my parents, mostly from my father. I thought that once I got back home and settled in, we would all be alright.

I've had depression since I was 16.

Being happy when you have depression is definitely not the easiest thing in the world. For instance yesterday I was happy all day. My husband and I rearranged our room together yesterday. That doesn’t sound fun at all and honestly rearranging a bedroom is not fun at all. Normally rearranging a room is stressful, but I was happy and having fun and we kept picking on each other and laughing. Today I feel like being happy takes work and that if one little thing goes wrong then my entire day is just ruined.

Today I woke up to what I call a 'low energy day'. I decided years ago that I would use this term anytime I am feeling low and I am in fear that my depression is resurfacing. After unnecessary panicking, sometimes it turns out that it is just a day or two of feeling disconnected and unmotivated. Rarely is it the start of a major depressive episode. In cognitive behavioral therapy, we learn that our word choices are critically important and can impact how we feel. A ‘depressed’ day feels hopeless but a ‘low energy’ day is something I feel like I can manage through with the hopes of a brighter tomorrow.

I have no idea what depression is and how it looks like. I thought you could either be sad and happy but have no amount of sadness that can destroy a human life. I came to know this only when I went to the Western world and having two past relationships in which they both have depression. I’ve seen all sentiments on Facebook and how important to address a problem that’s eating away the minds of affected people. This type of mental illness is dangerous and unpredictable. How can we solve a problem that is spread out and no objective kind of healing that can swiftly eradicate its symptoms? I have been interested in this subject because I have encountered it and experienced it with people that were once involved in my life. I guess it is just right to understand what it is and how we can prevent this from happening or how to alleviate the problem if it’s happening to your loved ones.

It’s a beautiful June morning in the spring of 2020. A year none of us living will ever forget. A year that will be written about in history books for future generations. Whether we are 90 years old or merely a child, this year will be personally life changing. There is A LOT going on. The Novotel Corona virus combined with the global protests to fight for equality have created a new world that we all now live in. What we know and how we live our lives has been turned upside down and inside out. Nothing is the same. In terms of employment, which is so critical to living a comfortable life, some of us are fortunate enough to be able to work from home. Some of us have found ourselves unemployed and some of us are essential workers who are both physically and mentally exhausted. We now are afraid about our futures and in some cases, people are afraid about where their next meal will come from, how they will feed their children and how they will ever recover from this dark place. But wait…

1. Turn On Your Music how to overcome depression