ADHD: Why Am I Like This? Part 11: Impulsivity

By now, my investigation had uncovered a pattern.

Every chapter had begun with a conclusion I believed for years.

Then the evidence forced me to replace it with a more accurate one.

This chapter began with another question.

One that had followed me for most of my life.

Why did I do that?

The Moment After

I don't think people with ADHD spend more time regretting their decisions.

I think we spend more time wondering how we arrived at them.

How did those words come out of my mouth?

Why did I interrupt someone I genuinely wanted to hear?

Why did I buy something I didn't need?

Why did I volunteer for another project when I already had too many?

Why did I put off something important until the deadline was breathing down my neck?

The strange part wasn't that I made mistakes.

Everyone does.

The strange part was how often my mistakes seemed to happen before I had fully thought them through.

For years, I was told that I lacked self-control.

Looking Back

As I looked over my life, impulsivity didn't always look dramatic.

It wasn't reckless driving or jumping off rooftops... though, on occasion, I have done those things.

Sometimes it looked surprisingly ordinary.

Answering before someone finished asking the question.

Interrupting because I was afraid the thought would disappear if I waited.

Buying another book before finishing the five already sitting on my nightstand.

Starting another project before completing the last one.

Saying yes before asking whether I actually had time.

None of those decisions felt irrational in the moment.

They felt obvious.

It was only afterward that I wondered,

"What was I thinking?"

Perhaps the better question was...

How much time did I actually have to think?

What the Research Says

As I dug deeper, I discovered that impulsivity is one of the core features of ADHD.

Researchers have found that impulsivity is closely tied to executive functioning, particularly the brain's ability to pause, evaluate options, and inhibit an immediate response.

That pause is sometimes called response inhibition.

It's the mental space between an impulse and an action.

Most people experience that space without ever noticing it.

People with ADHD often experience it differently.

Sometimes the impulse arrives...

...and the action follows before reflection has fully caught up.

That immediately resonated with me.

Not because I never thought before acting.

But because I often thought while I was acting.

The Cost of Speed

Looking back, I realized something else.

The same quick mind that helped me connect ideas also moved quickly enough to outrun my judgment.

I could solve problems rapidly.

See patterns other people missed.

Come up with unexpected solutions.

But speed has a price.

Sometimes my mouth reached the finish line before my judgment left the starting blocks.

Sometimes my enthusiasm committed me to responsibilities my calendar had never agreed to.

Sometimes I bought the idea before I bought the product.

Perhaps impulsivity wasn't evidence that I didn't think.

Perhaps it was evidence that my thoughts often traveled faster than my brakes.

Not a Character Flaw

For years, I believed impulsivity meant I lacked discipline.

Research suggested something different.

The issue wasn't intelligence.

It wasn't morality.

It wasn't effort.

It was timing.

Executive functions are often described as the brain's management system.

One of their jobs is deciding when not to act.

Understanding that changed something for me.

I stopped viewing every impulsive mistake as evidence that I was irresponsible.

Instead, I started asking a different question.

"How can I give my better judgment enough time to join the conversation?"

Buying Time

I've learned that I don't always need better decisions.

Sometimes I simply need slower ones.

My therapist noticed this tendency long before I did. She encouraged me to count to three before responding to anything.

I still forget to do that more often than I'd like.

When possible, I sleep on purchases.

Sometimes I forget I wanted them.

I write ideas down instead of immediately acting on them.

If I forget to come back to the list, I probably didn't really need or want it.

This gives my executive functions a chance to catch up with my enthusiasm.

Ironically, I've discovered that the fastest way to make better decisions is often to slow them down.

For example, last week I saw an advertisement for earthing shoes while scrolling online.

They were running a buy-one-get-one-free special.

Within minutes I was ready to buy them.

Then I happened to notice a negative review.

That tiny interruption slowed me down just enough to investigate.

I quickly discovered nearly identical shoes being sold under different brand names.

They appeared to be inexpensive mass-produced imports.

I've made purchases like that before and regretted them.

Slowing down gave me enough time to check in with my values.

Did I simply want an earthing shoe...

...or did I want a well-made shoe that I'd actually enjoy wearing?

That led me down another rabbit hole researching quality leather-soled moccasins.

Then another realization occurred to me.

Did I actually need special shoes...

...or did I simply need to remember to take my shoes off and walk on the beach more often?

I still haven't decided.

But slowing down saved me eighty dollars on a purchase I would have regretted.

What I've Learned

For years, I believed I lacked self-control.

Now I think I misunderstood the problem.

I don't think my mind thinks too little.

I think it often thinks too quickly.

Some of my best ideas have arrived in an instant.

Some of my worst decisions have, too.

The difference isn't usually intelligence.

It's whether my judgment has enough time to catch up.

The same mind that blurts out an idea is often the mind that has connected ideas no one else has connected.

The same spontaneity that occasionally gets me into trouble has also led me toward some of the most meaningful experiences of my life.

I don't want to become someone who never acts on impulse.

I want to become someone who knows when an impulse deserves another thirty seconds.

I'm learning that wisdom isn't always about thinking more.

Sometimes it's about creating enough space for the thinking I've already done to catch up.

That realization changed more than the way I think about ADHD.

It changed the way I think about myself.

The Next Clue

Questions still remained.

If my brain responds so strongly to novelty...

Why do boring tasks sometimes feel almost physically painful to begin?

Why can interest completely transform my motivation?

Why did a shirt-folding board make laundry easier?

Those questions all point toward the same molecule.

Dopamine.

In the next article, we'll investigate why motivation isn't simply about willpower, and why understanding dopamine may have been one of the biggest clues of all.

Next

Part 12: Why Do I Love Starting... But Not Maintaining? Understanding Dopamine and Motivation

References

Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment (4th ed.). Guilford Press.

Brown, T. E. (2013). A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments.Routledge.

Faraone, S. V., Banaschewski, T., Coghill, D., et al. (2021). The World Federation of ADHD International Consensus Statement: 208 Evidence-Based Conclusions About the Disorder. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 128, 789-818.

Nigg, J. T. (2017). Getting Ahead of ADHD: What Next-Generation Science Says About Treatments That Work and How You Can Make Them Work for Your Child. Guilford Press.

Willcutt, E. G., Doyle, A. E., Nigg, J. T., Faraone, S. V., & Pennington, B. F. (2005). Validity of the Executive Function Theory of ADHD: A Meta-Analytic Review. Biological Psychiatry, 57(11), 1336-1346.