Marshmallows, how deeply I despise thee
For Paul
“Want some marshmallows in your cocoa?”
Ahhh marshmallows. You are so mysteriously squishy while simultaneously dusty like a neglected chalkboard eraser… and you are supposed to be edible? That seems like a bit of a stretch, to be honest.
People adore you though, they even put you in their cocoa as a special treat…
What the heck?
Why?
As if your dusty surface were not enough, your gelatinous core gives me shivers, and not the good kind.
I must admit though that I do take a certain sadistic delight in the idea of your ritual sacrifice.
Ah yes… how I wish to lure you deep into the woods on a full moon night… like a moth to the flame.
I yearn to impale you slowly and hoist your sorry, pasty, bouncy self over a crackling fire whilst telling horror stories to the rest of your kin who await their fate, gasping for air in a plastic bag (which I feel is appropriate and entirely acceptable)…
Oh yes, and then, once your skin is burnt to a smoking crisp and your partially liquified innards are dripping from my spike, I shall smash you between some stale off-brand crackers and expired chocolate bar segments and hand you off to a sticky fingered child and I shall watch with a smile on my face and a song in my heart as they mash your remnants between their slobbery jaws until you return completely to the wretched goo from whence you came, YOU HORRIFYING BLOB.
Ahem. Sorry, my mind wandered for a second there. What did you ask? Oh, right, no thank you. I don’t much care for marshmallows.
…although perhaps drowning them in a boiling mug of cocoa would be entertaining…
-Paul Stewart made me do it! 🤣🤣
If you want to play along, write a poem (or letter or song or whatever) to your least favorite food. Obviously, I don’t much care for marshmallows. 🫣
Update: Here is Paul’s rant against Almond Milk and all of the excellent rants that have been created!!
*** Please drop a link to yours in the comments if you decide to play along so that I can add it here too!***
***Remember! Please drop a link to yours in the comments if you decide to play along so that I can add it here too!***
About the Creator
Donna Renee
Hi! Thanks for reading! My hobbies include making coffee, drinking coffee, and starting to write a story and then rage-deleting it when I get the slightest bit frustrated.
Work in Progress: WOWH, cozy mystery (paranormal elements)
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Compelling and original writing
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Excellent storytelling
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Niche topic & fresh perspectives
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Comments (74)
Congratulations my friend on the year end award. You are so deserving, and I smiled all the way while I read this.
Wow, that made my night 😂 entertainment on point!
Hahaha this is amazing! Also me_irl LOL. Whenever I'm in a roasting s'mores situation, I throw my marshmallow in the fire because I don't like eating them but I LOVE watching the fascinating process of them charring and oozing and charring some more.
This was soo entertaining! You mastered the "slightly crazed" narrator so well, haha. 😆 And yes, marshmallows really are concerning when one starts to think about it!
https://vocal.media/poets/whispers-of-the-elements
Some superb wordage here - "hoist your sorry pasty bouncy self" had me rolling that sentence round my mouth like marbles 😁
A funny read. I love reading your stuff!
This was hilarious, congrats and well deserved!
Billiant! Really hillarious. Also not a fan of the marshmallow!
Madam simply super keep writing congrats best of luck visit my posts and give tips subscribe me thank u ❤
Such a unique and brilliantly funny collection 🩷 Thank you for sharing these 😁
This made me laugh so much
Oh Donna...it's under review and waiting to be published. You know what I am talking about!
I too have never understood the appeal of these things lol. Growing up, I was always the weirdo for not wanting to eat marshmallows. The only ones I would eat are the little crunchy ones in cereal 🤣🤣 and are those even marshmallows? 🤔🤷 My 5 year old would literally eat them by the bag if I were to allow it. Sometimes she asks for a small cup of them for dessert and I'm just sitting there looking at the little sugar monster like 🤔 who are you? Lol The way you were the villain in this story was hilarious. Who knew being a marshmallow murderer was possible? 🤣 Such a fun piece of work 🤣
I love how I pictured you as a villain rubbing your hands together as they roasted over flames...hahahaha!! I do like marshmallows but not just plain, I like them toasted over a fire. I love how your clever, humorous mind works. Awesome job! Congratulations on the Top Story :)
I had great fun looking at all the entries so far. I ended up conducting a menu using the foods mentioned in the poems/letters. https://vocal.media/feast/vocal-kitchen-nightmares-menu
Donna, I love this poem!! It was such a great, laugh-filled read!! I can see why it received Top Story!! The line “ I do take a certain sadistic delight in the idea of your ritual sacrifice.” Had my lol-ing so hard!!! 🤣 This was like a mock-horror story for marshmallows and I am all here for it! Fun fact: marshmallows were apparently originally invented as a cure for a sore throat, something about the sticky melty inside being curative and soothing… 🤔 Congratulations on Top Story, this was so well deserved! 🎉
I finally did it! Though i fear it got out of hand… https://vocal.media/poets/the-slut-shame-of-a-hot-matcha-latte
Donna, Donna, check this out - https://vocal.media/poets/dear-kristen
This awesome, so creative. I like marshmallows but hate the dustiness 😑 so uncalled for😂
I read this as soon as you posted it, and failed to comment! And wow look how it has grown. I'm drafting my own! I must join the fun, for my FOMO is getting too strong to ignore, lol. Congratulations on Top Story and the extra bonus on the leaderboard! This is pure, unadulterated fun. ❤️🎉
Wow!! Nice 😉 My dislike is not to the same extent but I totally get it and was getting into your dislike more than I expected to 🙃😬😂
I know you said that you would add mine here. But just in case: https://vocal.media/poets/beets-by-ugh
WOW, Donna! You really earned that leaderboard win! Way to go!
Honestly, I like marshmallows in all the ways you said. We all have our quirks for I even like 'Peeps'. Good work.