The Slut Shame of a Hot Matcha Latte
Girl, you know I ain't playin'
Matcha, you so hot.
You slap me with your naughty flavor, a
blender mixture of horse hay and cow shit.
And don’t get me started on your thiccc texture.
That whole milk ain’t doing you no favors.
I think it best you stop your spicy stare.
I like you cold ( ICE COLD!) and mouth
wide open, ready to give, give, give. No more
of this thin lipped, fiery tongue-play shit.
I ain’t dealin’ no nonsense.
Yeah, even chilled, you got me sus,
and I’ll be daring you to take it too far.
But next to that ice cube, you so fine, Matcha,
too fine. You tease and deliver a sweetness I can dig,
a creaminess imma crave.
Just stay calm, girl—damn, you gotta tone it down!—
wayyy down. How low can you go? All the way
to the floor? I ain’t seein’ you change,
foamin’ with that boiling white.
But I got plans for you up there,
all steamy sultry lies.
You stay in your lane, girl, ‘cause
for a mornin’ delight, ain’t no way I be lusting
for steamin’ cows and their burnt-ass juices.
Don’t you do me like that.
Yo, you know I ain’t never touched that roasted
side piece, C. My heart couldn’t handle it. But you?
You juuust right.
Your nippy splendor my perfect, cold match.
Ah, but I’ll be damned
if my tongue can endure
the farmyard of your hot ass.
Thank you for reading! This is just me joining in the fun of Donna and Paul's worst food or beverage challenge. My (probably poor) attempt at a humorous poem! Cheers!
About the Creator
Mackenzie Davis
“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll
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Copyright Mackenzie Davis.
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Comments (11)
funny bones need humor, thanks for rattling mine, 😊
This was 🔥🔥🔥
LOL, this is a different side of you. 😆 I never thought about it before, but hot matcha does taste very different from cold matcha. It definitely has a more earthy taste when hot. I don’t know if I’d compare it to horse hay and cow shit, since I drink it. 😭 But this made me laugh and reconsider my life choices.
The last line is hilarious.
I love matcha flavour stuff. I don’t like matcha with dairy milk that much. I love ordering matcha fraps with red beans at the bubble tea shops when they have it.
Fun read! Not a fan of matcha either!
The farmyard of your hot ass 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 🍵 I do get what you are saying in this one LOL Have you had matcha ice cream??
I'm not a fan of Matcha either. They look so aesthetically pleasing but the taste, I just cannot, lol!
lol..no probably about it haha! I did check a few times..."Oh, yeah, it's definitely Mackenzie" This was great, Mackenzie and I love that people are still churning these out! It's like the gift that keeps on giving. Loved the amount of sass you put into this!
Awesome. "cow juice" is so funny!
I was hooked at the first line and somehow it just got better and better! This is so clever and let me argue, the only kind of poem that Matcha deserves. "I like you cold ( ICE COLD!) and mouth wide open, ready to give, give, give." There are too many to pick from but that's probably my favourite line.