I Should Have Asked For Better

Here is Bab's unofficial challenge piece:

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I kept asking for December

because it's the only time I remembered

the season matched my state of mind

and cold & bitter wasn't just one of a kind.

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I should have asked for better.

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The trees weren't the only thing that were bare;

I kept baring my soul with words from my diary to see if you would start to care

about the fact I kept stripping myself of my colorful leaves

and giving them to you as gifts because 'the best of me you'll receive.'

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I should have took them back because I deserved better.

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Snow fell as I bled myself dry, red on white was considered beautiful.

I allowed the snow to cover it up, like a blindfold made of wool

hiding the toxicity from only me because everyone else was already enlightened.

Knowing that now is why the pain of stitching and thawing was heightened.

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But now I know to ask for better.

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Go ahead and call me selfish when I don't offer my coat anymore.

I deserve warmth that isn't from some video of a fireplace dressed in decor.

Go ahead and call me different when I decide to hang out at home instead of with you.

I'm a social butterfly who learned to draw her boundaries in red instead of pale blue.

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I am giving myself better.

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So ask me in December,

while I watch the last of us reduce to lukewarm embers,

if I regret what I went through.

I don't because I stopped destroying myself for you.

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Because loving myself is better.

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Word Count: 260 words