Beets by...Ugh...
The Evilest Food in Creation
Thou disgusting bride of sweetness...
I have squashed my beef with squash;
My Brussels have sprouted some positive benefits...
But you, inspiring my mother to provoke my tongue
Against my stomach, deserve to hear my thoughts...
You repellent punk of a taste test.
*
I remember the look of that fair root
(some become so redundant that they call you 'beetroot';
garbage in is garbage out - dictionaries can't wash out your stain).
You soil the earth with your lie of a life;
You tortured me at that table too often.
*
Was I at all fooled? Was I deceived by you?
Indeed...you looked like the dark twin of cranberry sauce.
Some sourness to be expected when I saw those evil discs of lies.
But the same old disappointment always returned to me.
And the roots made me feel like I belonged in the ground.
*
May the good Dr. Dre please forgive my title.
I could not find another well-greased path to the repellent bulb
I felt compelled to slander and mock among all those other tastes
(too many have disturbed me with your wrong hates - marshmallows, anyone? ;)
Final thought: may there be a final virus to destroy you all...
:/
*Okay, I will be adding some of the other entries here...even the wrong ones (and no, embedding does not always work for me - need a special tutorial to figure it out):
https://vocal.media/poets/sausage-gravy-the-og
https://vocal.media/poets/marshmallows-how-deeply-i-despise-thee#comment-f29e45cd-9f11-4d45-8d59-995cc815119e
*
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About the Creator
Kendall Defoe
Teacher, reader, writer, dreamer... I am a college instructor who cannot stop letting his thoughts end up on the page.
And I did this: Buy Me A Coffee... And I did this:
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Comments (11)
I'm actually feeling slightly defensive of beetroot, so palpable is your vitriol!
I love this, and I absolutely agree. Nasty ol' beets! lol
Beet it! Hahahahhahahaha! Loved your poem so much!
Man you can write. The good Dr Dre haha. This is great. And you b slapped that last line.
hahaha! Well done, Kendall. Not sure I agree, but you went savage on this and I loved the Dr Dre reference in title and in verse! Thank you for taking part in the silliness that Donna and I started!
Super!!! Excellent
Lol! In college we had a friend who was always a bit queasy & so we made it a contest to see who could drive him from the table most quickly. We told some of the most disgusting stories you've ever imagined, most involving a lot of blood &/or vomit & garbage pails. (The air sick astronaut was one of my favorites. I was really good at acting out getting sick & retching. Yeah, we weren't very nice.) One day as we were sitting down to lunch I told them (before he arrived) that I was going to drive him away without saying a word. They asked, "How?" I answered, "Just watch." They were serving both spinach & beets in the cafeteria that day. At that time, I was no fan of spinach (I had neither experienced them raw in a salad nor cooked & soaked in vinegar & pepper), so I began with that. Savoring every bite. I was impressed. He made it through the spinach. But as soon as I had finished that part of the meal, he stood up & announced with a shudder, "I'm leaving before he even starts with those beets!"
Dark twin of cranberry sauce 🤣
You soil the Earth, with your lie of a life. Fucking hilarious hahah.
I’m with you. 🥰. “I’d Rather Eat Dirt, Than Beets”. 😂
Oh noooo not beets again!! You and Scott are breaking my heart 😩😭🤣🤣🤣. “beet it” LOL. Can I add this one to the pillar post? (although my heart bleeds for the bloody beets hahaha)