Vocal Kitchen Nightmares Menu
After reading all the entries I have seen in the Yucky food challenge, I have come up with a menu.
Vocal Kitchen Nightmares Menu
This menu has been put together based by some of the most hated food and drinks by Vocal creators. This menu is a three course a-la-carte menu with prices put together as if it was a fancy restaurant in a metropolitan area like Covent Garden in London.
All dishes can be made vegan or gluten free by request. Vegetarian versions of meat dishes are made with mushroom mince and avacado oil. All main dishes and pizzas come with French fries.
(V) - Vegetarian
(N) - Not suitable for those with nut allergies
(H) - Very hot.
Vocal subscribers get 15% their final bill.
Starters
Split pea soup (V) (N) - Made using the finest processed peas and almond milk. £4.50
Balut - Street food from Manila. Incubated in soy sauce for a crunchy sadistic flavour. Comes with a cross so you can pray for the embryo chick inside and wash down your sins with red bull. £6.66
Onion Bahji (H) (V) - A popular Indian starter, three crispy onion banjis served with a side salad, sauces and a lemon slice. £5.50
Tropical Salad (V) - chopped up mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, avacado and mango with cottage cheese on top. £4.50
Regular Mains
Spam Salad - Three slabs of the classic canned spam layered on a bed of leaves. Perhaps the most healthiest thing on the whole menu. £12.99
Turkey Casserole - Piping hot casserole with shreds of chitlin, onions, refried beans, beetroot in a mushroom and cottage cheese sauce. Hear the cries of your ancestors in the boiling stew. £10.99
Orka & Mushroom Curry (V) (N) (H) - steamed orkas and mushrooms, fried in an aromatic curry made with almond milk, cottage cheese and spices for a full creamy flavour. Reccomended for those who want to clear their kidneys out. £10.99
Wanton Steak Burger - Vocal Kitchen’s prize winning steak burger and garnished in guacamole and beetroot. Reccomended for Instagram photos.£15.99
Smalahove - braised sheep’s head stuffed with avocados, turkey and spam. (Vegan version with be constructed with mushroom mince, soy mince, tofu and avacado oil.) Recommended for social media influencers who want to show crazy foods for their subscribers. £19.99
Vocal’s State of the art hipster pizza
Small - £6.99/ Medium - £9.99/ Large - £12.99/ Extra Large -£18.99
The world is your oyster - A sexy pizza topped with a generous serving of jalapeños, salmon and tripe.
Dare go where no mango has gone before - ham and pineapple with a twist, the cheese is replaced with shredded mango.
This next next year, we’ll be millionaires - four types of cheeses with a pig’s trotter in the middle. (Vegan version will be replaced by a slab of tofu!)
Just betroot it - A pizza made with betroot infused dough, and topped with beetroot infused cheese and tomato sauce. Topped with beetroot.
Spice up your life - (H) This pizza comes with a hot and spice sauce as a base and is covered in Mexican cheese, jalapeños and avacados.
Side dishes
Beetroot Fries (V) - £3.50
Creamed Corn (V) - £3.50
Refried Beans (V) - £3.50
Side salad (V) - £3.50
Puddings
Roasted Marshmallow Kebabs - Roasted marshmallows on 2 skewers with a scoop of ice cream. - £4
Mango Pie (N) - A caramelised mango pie with almonds cream on top. - £4.30
Matcha Custard - Delightfully green custard with health benefits. - £5.50
Drinks (£3 each)
Water, tea and standard coffee always free of charge.
Hot Lattes: Matcha, beetroot, marshmallow and mango.
Hot Chocolate with marshmallow
Almond Milkshake: Mango, matcha, marshmallow beetroot
Can of Red Bull
Juices: Mango, beetroot and tomato
About the Creator
Chloe Gilholy
Former healthcare worker and lab worker from Oxfordshire. Author of ten books including Drinking Poetry and Game of Mass Destruction. Travelled to over 20 countries.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Keep reading
More stories from Chloe Gilholy and writers in Feast and other communities.
What Would Happen if Everyone went Vegetarian
I have been vegetarian for nearly a year, and I think there are a lot of people out there who are thinking about being vegetarian or vegan because they’ve seen people reap the benefits of a plant-based and meatless diet. I think if everybody went vegetarian it would change the world and also the food chains structure a lot. When I think about it, I think there would be a lot of positive change in the long-term. Most of the negative things would only be short-term.
By Chloe Gilholy2 years ago in Feast
HARMONY WITH NATURE AND ENERGY
The breeze carried the scent of freshly cut grass and blooming flowers as the Garcia family gathered in their backyard for their annual spring celebration. A colorful array of balloons danced in the air, while a string of fairy lights twinkled overhead, creating a magical ambiance.
By Nhân Nguyễn Thànhabout 13 hours ago in Feast
On Winning and Losing
Recently, the pleasant surprise of placement on the Vocal Bonus Leaderboard sent me down a rabbit hole. Now, rabbit holes are a pretty common place for me to spend time, but I don't always feel the call to write about them. To be honest, the thought of sharing some of them mortifies me.
By Dana Crandell7 days ago in Writers
Comments (5)
Omg I love this! I love that you included not just what the creators hate but what some of the comments concurred with. Plus, the water tea and regular coffee being free of charge is so sadistically hilarious! So many gems of humor and creativity in this. ❤️😂
The tropical salad is the stuff of many nightmares 🤣🤣
Hilarious!! 🤣🤣🤣
Excellent Work on the Yucky Menu, you made them imaginable edible 💃🏽🥳🥰
Well done on this. I really think this could have gone in Humour, but like that you put it in Feast, gives it an air of authenticity. Some of these dishes, I have to be honest, sound rather lovely and your pricing is fair. Donna will love the Beetroot pizza, for sure. I also, maybe it's just the way my mind works, love the fact that for the "The world is your oyster" pizza, didn't include any oyster...:D Bravo on this - excellent idea, executed masterully! Gave my wife and I good giggle this afternoon!