Growing From Pain

It to me a long time to 'smell the roses.'

Everybody told me that I should.

In the 90s I was left surviving in a world full of violence, hate crimes, and psychological abuse for years.

Until I met my husband, I walked alone.

There were many critics in my life who never witnessed with their own eyes, the horror of what I and my then young family were going through.

They all put the blame on me for something that was beyond my control, at a time when we were being brutally attacked and abused for just trying to get along as a vulnerable family.

Eventually, I left my old hometown.

I left the torture and torment of my past behind. I knew the only way to make the changes and heal was to start a new life and break the cycle of abuse that was gripping me.

In the process of change, I relapsed a few times before I fully recovered from the ordeal. Along the way, I also ended up confronted by people who tried to keep me stuck in the past.

It still happens today.

The world is full of spiteful people and ignorant people who don't care about mental health, as long as you are a target for them to get their own way. When you make changes, some people won't like it.

Those people will drag up their unresolved issues with you from the past. Don't let them. These people are people who have only witnessed what they thought happened, rather than what did happen; and there are also people who have issues of their own that they cannot resolve because they refuse to get help with their problems. When they see you making change and creating a happy life for yourself, they will do anything to keep you there because they won't like the fact that they can no longer make you their target.

There are also those friends who decide you can no longer be friends when you make changes after a bad history. I decided long ago, those so-called 'friends' were never worth my time anyway, because,

true friends will stand by you through your past and through change. True friends will be proud of you for making changes that are enabling you to succeed.

I still deal with a lot of people and even some family members who won't let go of past grievances.

I have learned there are a lot of people who claim to understand mental health, but really don't. Some of these people don't want to understand it until it happens to them.

It's the same with physical disabilities.

I live with my husband who has physical disabilities, and some of the mental difficulties are linked to those disabilities.

He has been advised not to move home because such stress can make things more painful for him and raise his blood pressure which risks another hospital admission and even death.

There are many people around me who think they know enough to judge us for this because of the large house we live in.

The truth is, they don't. They only see their own problems, but they do not see what happens in our house, or the amount of pain my husband is in whether in or out of the house.

There is only myself and my husband who lives here. We don't let many friends visit because we prefer to be alone most of the time, and we like to be left to do our own thing, leading me to another point;

People assume we are friendless, though we do have many friends. We just like to keep ourselves to ourselves. Again, the people who assume this, are outsiders; people who know nothing.

The point is when you are moving on and growing from pain, particularly after trauma, mental health, and disabilities; people will dig at you from all corners, especially those who only know what they think, which is often far from the truth about what is real.

People, including friends and some family, will walk away from you, and even turn against you when your life goes from unhealthy to happy and healthy.

My advice is let them talk and let them walk.

Let's face it, there is obviously nothing better going on in their lives, but why let them interfere with your ability to grow from the pain?

I have a plan for continuing with my goals which are changing my life in ways that I never dreamed of. These are,

• Continue writing
• Continue working on those books
• Continue and enjoy every second with my husband, despite disabilities.
• Look forward to increasing my earnings
• Enjoy working towards coming of benefits
• Eventually buy my own home.

You need to reshape your dreams and your future, if you are ever going to give yourself a chance to grow from the pain that you have been through. It means putting effort into your life, and ignoring what everyone else thinks or assumes about you.

People will talk, especially those who caused the pain in the first place.

Let them, because nobody can plan and reach your dreams like you can.