A Gravestone that Reads "Don't Try"

Charles Bukowski was a 20th-century American writer and poet who is known for his raw, powerful, and often offensive views on life. Bukowski's difficult childhood laid the foundation for his unique perspective on life and his desire to express himself as a writer. Born in Germany in 1920, Bukowski emigrated with his family to America in 1923. He was beaten by his father from the age of six and ridiculed by other kids, causing him to feel like an outcast throughout his schooling and teenage years. To add to this, he developed a severe acne condition that made him feel even more self-conscious and isolated.

In an interview much later in his life, Bukowski said his father was a great literary teacher because he taught him the meaning of "pain without reason". After quitting college, Bukowski attempted to become a professional writer, writing hundreds of short stories, but only a few were published, and they found little success. Disappointed with his writing and the publishing process, Bukowski stopped writing for a while and worked blue-collar jobs.

Then in 1935 he nearly died from a serious bleeding ulcer at 35 years old. He survived, however, and soon after quitting his job at the post office, he began writing again.

Bukowski published several pieces in the following years, but with no real success, forcing him to return to his post office job, where he continued writing before his shift every day for years. With no real sight of success, fame, money, or even making a living out of writing, he continued writing for several years.

Bukowski's works finally became noticed and appreciated by an audience only after a long-continued attempt at writing. At 50 years old, after a deal with a publisher who agreed to fund Bukowski's work, he began to make a living from writing. As time passed, his literary works started to gain popularity, and his name gradually became more recognized in the literary community and beyond.

Bukowski's story ended with success decades after his passing, as he is considered one of the great writers of all time. He didn't become traditionally or publicly successful until he was in his 50s, after many years of writing and working at the post office. He finally gained traction and found success after a long-continued attempt at writing.

Don't try

Despite Bukowski's success as a writer, it is perplexing that his gravestone reads "Don't Try," which seems grim and counterintuitive to his story.

How could a man, who finally achieved success in fulfilling his idea of himself after a prolonged struggle and gained immense respect and recognition for his craft due to his unwavering determination, leave behind the message "Don't Try" as his final words? However, perhaps the most important idea can be found in his life and work, as he believed that writing chose him and not the other way around.

In a letter addressed to William Packard, a publisher, a friend, and a writer himself, Bukowski expressed his thoughts on writing and the reasons why some writers fail. He pointed out that many writers write with the wrong motives, such as the desire to gain fame, and wealth, or to attract romantic partners. According to Bukowski, the best writing happens when writing chooses you, not when you choose it. When you become obsessed with writing and it consumes you, fills your senses, and becomes an essential part of you, that's when the best writing happens, even when there seems to be no hope left.

In this letter, Bukowski is talking about aspiring writers, but his message goes beyond that. It's about finding purpose, success, and creativity in general. Remember when you were a kid, and someone asked you what your favorite color was? You probably picked one without really thinking about it. The truth is, we don't choose why we like certain colors or how they make us feel. It's like the color chooses us instead.

It's easy to figure out our favorite color because it's not a big deal, but when it comes to defining our purpose and living our lives, it's a lot more complicated. It's not something we can just pick without effort, and it's not something that's low-stakes. It's challenging, and it requires us to go through a lot of ups and downs before we can figure it out.

In the same letter, Bukowski's said, "We work too hard, we try too hard. Don't try. Don't work. It's there looking right at us, taking the kick out of the closed room." Bukowski suggests that if you have to force yourself to care or want something, then maybe it's not really for you. Maybe it's like trying to make yourself like a color that just isn't your favorite.

Throughout his life, Bukowski kept coming back to writing, and he never compromised his unique voice for the sake of fitting in. No matter how many times he was rejected or how much he suffered, he never let go of his passion for writing. It's not that Bukowski didn't make an effort, it's just that he never tried to be someone he wasn't.

He attempted to pursue writing without the pressure of trying too hard to become a writer or forcing his writing style. He simply allowed his natural creativity to flow and kept at it persistently.

He wrote naturally and honestly, expressing himself as he was. Bukowski's philosophy suggests that we perform best creatively when we are true to ourselves and follow our passions without any ulterior motives or overthinking. I think this is partly what Bukowski meant. But honestly, no one knows what he was thinking or meant in everything he said.

It's not easy to figure out things like purpose, passion, desire, and success. It's all as complicated and unclear as the very brain that's trying to understand it. It's not necessary for writing, filmmaking, painting, music-making, or any other creative pursuit to come easily to the creator for it to be the right thing or for them to excel in it.

What truly matters is that the effort invested in the process feels rewarding and worthwhile to the individual. If the toil of pursuing a goal does not feel satisfying, and there is no intrinsic motivation to continue, it is where Bukowski's advice of "Don't try" might apply.

However, if the mere thought of abandoning a creative pursuit or not attempting it at all brings about unbearable agony, and the passion for it is intense enough to drive one through the hurdles of rejection and hardship, then perhaps Bukowski would urge them to "try". As he famously said,

"If you're going to try, go all the way."