What does FRIENDSHIP mean when you are 20, 30 or 40 years old

Friendships also depend on how we are built. Some of us make friends easily, but others find it more difficult to open up and welcome someone into our soul intimacy and need more time to be able to get close to someone.

For some, friendship is a looser concept – we call friends the people we go out with on Friday nights, or even those we've only seen a few times. Others consider as friends only the few special people in our lives, in small numbers, whom we have known for a long time.

The stages of friendship

A friendship, like any other relationship, goes through several stages: you meet an unknown person who makes a good first impression on you (this step is obviously mandatory). Once this person has caught your attention, you want to see them again and spend more time together.

It therefore becomes familiar to you.

As time goes on and you find that you have more and more things in common, you develop a friendship that later, depending on how much you share and share, turns into an intimate friendship.

This is the highest level of friendship, when a person knows your problems, reasons for joy, secrets, when you know that you can rely on each other, care about each other's well-being and want the best for each other.

Close friends

Friendships can deepen so much that some friends can become, symbolically speaking, your family. Or maybe even closer than family, especially if relationships with family are not the closest or easiest. Studies on friendship have shown that, on average, a friendship lasts seven years and that the number of friends remains relatively constant over a lifetime.

Close friends are the people who "get you" and resonate with you, those with whom you are not afraid to open up, those with whom you don't need to wear social masks or play certain roles. Close friends are there for you when you need to consult on important issues or when you are having a hard time.

They are also the ones who rejoice in your successes, are concerned about your well-being and support you when you have difficulties. Of course, as in any healthy relationship, the secret lies in reciprocity, otherwise there is a high chance that the relationship will end.

About toxic and fading friendships

Of course, some friendships fade. The people in the relationship change or, as in any other type of relationship, unmanageable imbalances or problems arise that cannot be overcome.

Friendships are also based on exchanges. For example, one of the people forming the friendship bond may not perceive the interaction as fair. It is normal that sometimes we need help from the other, but if this happens constantly, and only one of the two offers (time, attention, money, etc.) or if, on the other hand, a friend brings - maybe because lifestyle or some unresolved psychological problems - tensions and a lot of negativity, we can no longer talk about a healthy friendship relationship. The balance of a friendship lies between giving, receiving, asking and giving.

The way our friendships evolve changes with us. Here's what our friendships look like by age stage.

Friendship at 20 years

In this exploratory stage, where you still have a lot to learn about yourself, friendships are formed "easier", based on criteria that include free time, the need for fun, the sharing of various life experiences, the shoulder to cry on when needed.

It is also during this period that we begin to understand more and more about what a friendship entails, such as the time spent together, important for the development and maintenance of a friendship, especially in the early stages, regardless of whether this time is spent at telephone or, as technology has accustomed us, by text or video.

Friendship at 30 years

What is fascinating about friends is that, unlike family, they are not imposed on us. We choose to enter into these relationships. Some friendships fade for reasons that have more to do with circumstances than with the cooling of camaraderie.

At 30, circumstances begin to transform many friendships, now consisting of people who have started their family life and people who have made different choices or who have not yet started a family.

Your expectations of your friends adjust during this time (and it's healthy to do so). You know how busy you are and how hard it is to juggle career and family, and you think your friends are just as caught up. In this sense, you more easily accept periods of time when you do not hear from your loved ones because your own challenges make you more empathetic towards them.

You may feel the need for more constant contact with those who are at the same stage as you, perhaps even cultivate new friendships on a common ground (such as with parents who have children of similar ages to yours, etc.)

Even now, you understand that proximity is desirable, but not essential for a friendship relationship (especially in this day and age), and if you didn't do it earlier, you realize what else gives quality to a friendship relationship: at like you, in addition to qualities, your friends are people with limits and flaws.

You should probably feel very lucky if your childhood best friend is still with you. The one with whom, even if you don't hear from each other daily, when he calls you you can resume the interaction and the topics of discussion as if no time had passed. Or, even if you live in different cities or countries, make sure you are always available for each other.

Friendship at 40 years

With the enrichment of life experience we refine and learn that friendship is more about needs than the years themselves. However, with maturity, some people find that they have a harder time accepting new people and find it more difficult to make other friendships. This happens due to several factors.

It is possible to prioritize older relationships that have already stood the test of time. We know each other much better and as a result we are more and more selective when it comes to people. We no longer have the same needs as in our 20s, precisely because of the accumulated experience.

The quality of a friendship and shared values ​​take precedence, as does the sense of security and comfort we have around those we have invested with trust. Sharing ideas about learning and personal development are for some of us the very definition of friendship.

No two friendships are alike and any such relationship is a living and unique organism. The attention, care and time offered are investments that, together with the right person, will return to us tenfold. It is therefore worth taking care of and cherishing these bonds that give us great emotional satisfaction.