POV: You’re Currently Bailing Halfway Through a Solo Hike

Look, it’s fine, honey.

You still reinforced the habit of going on the hike. So what if you only made it 4 of the 9 miles? You bit off more than you could chew. It happens.

We still had a wonderful time, didn’t we?

Cut yourself a break.

First of all, last night you got home later than expected from playing board games. It was worth staying out to bond with your partner’s friends. You should be proud that you invested time in something so important, plus you had a great time!

You couldn’t help it that once you got home your insomnia and back pain kept you up half the night.

Or that your adorably sleepy dog rolled over on top of your phone, so your alarm was muffled and didn’t wake you on time.

So what if you were feeling a little groggy when you got up, so you allowed yourself to relax on the patio with your coffee instead of rushing out the door?

That is not a crime; if anything it’s restorative justice.

Why stress yourself out doing something recreational? Life is supposed to be challenging, yes, but it can still be enjoyable.

I’m still proud of what you did.

I know you were looking forward to pushing yourself today, but that first leg of elevation gain was brutal. When was the last time you did something with that steep of an incline? Considering the circumstances, you crushed it.

How frustrating was it that, when you got to a resting point, the section of trail you were hoping to take was closed for wildlife preservation. That meant you would have to detour to an even longer trail; a trail you didn’t vet thoroughly, so you’d have to rely on AllTrails, which means the trail is actually probably like 17 miles.

This is not a reflection of your worth.

Honestly, bailing is incredibly responsible of you. It’s really my fault for convincing you it was still ok to do this so late in the day.

The forecast said it would be under 90 degrees all day, but suddenly it’s 90 and getting warmer with no shade in sight.

That may still be a little cooler than you’re used to lately, but it’s still damn hot.

How conditioned are you for this, truly?

Think about your level of preparation, not just your average fitness level. How is your fitness today?

This is your first real hike of the season since the weather started cooling off.

Just because you know you could do this trail under the right circumstances doesn’t mean you have to prove that to anyone today.

It’d actually be unwisely risky for you to push yourself that hard after time off. This is how people end up needing to be rescued and putting others at risk in extreme heat. There’s absolutely no need to wreck yourself at the beginning of the outdoor season.

On top of all that, I’m pretty sure your pepper spray leaked on you while you were putting it in your pocket which is why your one eye won’t stop watering.

You do so many hard things.

Didn’t you just get nominated for an award at work? Yeah you did, because you work your ass off.

Aren’t you actively trying to better yourself every single day? You absolutely are.

You’re learning Spanish. You run. You climb. You write. You read. You craft. You cook. You’re self-sufficient to the point of it being a coping mechanism.

For someone with CPTSD, a condition which is likely to negatively affect socioeconomic and work status, a bitch is doing alright.

Maybe it’s ok to not make huge successes every day. Keeps you humble. Keeps you consistent. Keeps you from getting complacent or unmotivated.

We can try again next week.

Look at that! You have a goal now.

As a matter of fact, when you get home, what if you make some bite-sized goals for yourself to get back to the level of hiking fitness you were before summer hit?

To start, you can trail run this last half mile because it’s flat and paved. Just because you’re learning self-compassion doesn’t mean you aren’t still going to challenge yourself.

Come on, you can do it.

Start.

Now.

Stop writing.

Girl if you don’t…

I’m so Glad You’re Here

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