Quarantine Chronicles 2nd Edition
So, you're lying there on your Moon Pod because one of the necessities of this pandemic was to buy a $299 bean bag chair, right? You're comfortably reading the newspaper because those are still popular, and the headline reads, “United States Survives Pandemic! Stay-At-Home & Social Distancing Orders Lifted!” The milk you were drinking shoots out of your nose and completely ruins the newspaper story making it illegible. Luckily you have your smart phone as a backup news outlet. You frantically scroll through the article but don't fully read it. The feeling of freedom sets it. You're no longer on house arrest. A celebration is necessary. You just SURVIVED A GLOBAL PANDEMIC!
Todays the day. No wait maybe tomorrow. Today I will get everything organized so tomorrow will be ready for me. Let's start with.. my room, wow it is a complete mess! I should clean it up.
For most people without children quarantine may be uneventful and redundant however, that is not the case for me. I am a woman with cerebral palsy who uses both a push wheelchair and an electric wheelchair, depending on what I’m doing or where I am going. I am also intuitive and a cancer survivor. All of these factors contribute to what is now referred to as the Quarantine Chronicles.
Every doctor will tell you to eat healthy, be active and practice self-care. What does this mean to people that usually aren't isolated and are adapting to a new normal? Our doctor may be a phone call away but the short answer is that health basics are being put to the test. With people buying so much bum paper; you'd think you were back in the 6th grade and everyone was going to TP each other's house. Of course it wouldn't be a crappy job; you'd go all out and TP the mailbox at the street. Doctors are another matter but I can honestly say they have never once mentioned "proper toilet paper protocol" for the sustaining of life.
Okay, so I woke up one fine morning and just like any morning, I picked up my phone and open Facebook, Instagram, YouTube... you name it. And all I see is 'AUSTRALIA'S TOILET PAPER CRISIS!', 'Paper Panic: Toilet Paper argument turns violent', 'Toilet paper feeding frenzy' and all I could think of was,
On Christmas Day in 1894, Billy Carroll, the Hamilton Herald Newspaper and a cigar store owner, was the original sponsor of a 30 km run called Around the Bay. It is the oldest road race in North America; its inception three years before the Boston Marathon. Its early winner, Jack Caffery, went on to be the first Canadian to win the Boston Marathon. Hoping to make my mark in history, I too, signed up for the Around the Bay race. And, it did not disappoint. In fact, it turned out to be a historical run for me too, but for a very different reason…
The Coronavirus is causing major hysteria. Some people think the outrage is warranted and this could be the end of humanity as we know it. Others think it's not that big of a deal. Either way, both parties are making their voices heard loud and clear.
We have all done it in our own home, at the club, a friend’s house, or your in-law’s house and there is no shame in it. It happens to the best of us and it is wired in our psychology for us maneuver a certain way to make you comfortable while doing the deed and what position is easier for your dexterity. You are probably wondering what I am talking about and I am talking about switching direction of the toilet paper – more importantly the correct way that the toilet paper should roll.
I’m right handed so I do a lot of incredibly important things with my right hand. Writing, using a knife, putting on mascara without poking myself in the eye to name but a few. My right hand is an incredibly important part of doing incredibly important things. And a lot of not so incredibly important things. I tap my nose with the index finger of my right hand when I’m thinking. Coincidentally the nail on that finger is very good to chew on when I’m stressed. Zips, buttons, poppers, all my right hand’s responsibility. I wasn’t kidding - all the things happen with my right hand. But it’s day six of my no processed sugar or booze for a year challenge and I’d quite happily lop the thing clean off just for a sip of the good stuff.
Relax. It's not anything you think.....and to be honest, there's no dirt left on these diet streets.