Living In A Pandemic: A Fight With an Internal Subordinate

You know when this whole pandemic started I had a bit of fear, just like everyone else did. I had my doubts and many mixed feelings on the issue. I had my doctors and other types of health professionals; who are apart of my health system tell me to take extra precaution due to my underlying chronic health issues, and then there were my family and friends who believed it is all a hoax.

It can be hard living everyday with the uncertainties of what tomorrow will bring. During this pandemic, well the only one I've lived in at least, I have seen both sides of the debate, and I've decided for myself that I won't necessarily take a side. My view of each side of the isle is that both want to protect themselves from the uncertainty that comes with life. In my case I believe that the more I fear tomorrow the less I live in the moment. I deal with a consistent fatigue that never seems to truly be gone, but when I am able to focus on the good in my life I can forget the problems that plague me.

I have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia as well as other issues that I don't feel like listing, because if I list all my medical problems I mean, it will feel more like I am complaining. Anyhow, even with just those two things alone it can make every day feel like a constant drag. I will still try to push through these days and find what is good in the moment even when I feel like I can't get a break. I know that life isn't all sunshine and cotton candy, but you can remind yourself that you don't have to be comfortable to make it through each day. Struggles are the things that empower someone to keep trying.

If we keep trying to figure out who is right or wrong we are missing out on valuable growth opportunities. Instead of being afraid that our government is trying to control us or even us trying to control each other, we need to focus more on the connection with ourselves individually. If my Dad doesn't believe in this or my Mom is overly freaked out about it, do I have the responsibility over their intrusive thoughts? No. We all want to help each other mainly for our own selfish gains, our beliefs. We all believe in what we believe in but no matter how hard you try to influence the rock to run it just won't. The control we all seek is because we fear the worst for the outcomes of others actions, but it isn't in their actions that we find security, it is in our own reactions.

I feel like the world and or just the nation in which I live is competing in a war for others that is only an individual inward opponent, that is why no one is winning. To me this covid thing has divided us further but not because it is or isn't real, but because of the internal fear of losing control. We all are not in control of anyone, or anything. If anything proves this, it's how we individually don't agree exactly or specifically to the same issues.

How I have decided to deal with my own fear of losing my own battle is by remembering that, even if I feel the need to stay like a rock, aka; stubborn, my tomorrow isn't promised. Even when I make the game plan, there will always be that invisible force that truly dictates what is and isn't in the days ahead. Whether you believe in a higher power or not there is no denying the true power of the invisible force that is truly in control.

I have the virus now and I wasn't expecting this to happen, but that is why expectations should be thrown out the window. I followed the rules and everything, but it seems the uncertainty has given me a wake up call. I have asthma, and I have had a strange experience with Covid-19. This virus will disguise itself as multiple problems and those are problems I already have. This is no bueno. Not a fun thing to deal with, it's a ninja assassin. I have no known origin of the place I received this darn sneaky virus and the more I investigate the more time I lose on trying to figure it out.

So to anyone and everyone, stop wasting time on fighting each other because the only loser is the one who keeps wasting their own energy on meaningless rhetoric. We are all heading to one place whether you believe in a higher power or not, we are all going to die. Our time is limited, we have this life to be the best person we can be especially if you believe in reincarnation, I'm sure you don't want to go through another eternity of trying to find peace. Don't let this pandemic shorten your happiness, enjoy each others company or don't, just walk away from the rock that is unable to understand.

The less we expect the more comfort you can find in the moment. So don't stop living your lives. Just understand on an individual level that you can be accommodating to others by listening, and trying to keep an open mind. Not everyone has your mind, but that doesn't mean they aren't allowed to think with their mind's. We are all on this planet and we have to share it whether we like it or not. We all are made of the same stuff, and we need to stop being so darn prejudice of one another. Be kind, what is the purpose of inflicting conflict, there is none. It is all a waste of energy. So I will stop right here, because now I am repeating the same thing over and over again.