Five Free Things You Can Do To Be Healthier and Happier Now

When I say “free” I am assuming that you have a source of clean drinking water and the internet. If you don’t have those things (at least the water), your potential for health and happiness are probably pretty limited (Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs comes to mind). But if you DO have those things, and you’re feeling miserable and lonely and dehydrated and achy, it’s worth taking a few simple steps to care for yourself. The term “self-care” is bandied about a lot on the internet these days, and sometimes suggestions for achieving it are unrealistic. Not everyone can afford a massage; not everyone can see a therapist. Those things can be wonderfully helpful for different people, but you’ve got to start where you are. Here are my top five favorite free, stay-at-home things to do when you're down.

Let the bad thoughts go.  

Sometimes, I have imaginary conversations with my mother-in-law. I should first disclose that I have the most compassionate, generous, forgiving and genuine mother-in-law on the planet and that she has never actually given me a single reason in real life to feel distressed. BUT, because I am a worrier, and I have an overactive imagination, I can create the most complex dialogues in my head in which we are simply at each other’s throats. And she’s not my only pretend foe - oh no! The receptionist at the doctor’s office, my little sister, my husband, that old guy from the county who came by today to tell me that the gas station on the corner is infested with rats - they’re all perfectly viable imaginary conversation partners. The problem is that these imaginary conversations make me feel tense and angry and NOTHING HAS EVEN HAPPENED. (Except the gas station rat infestation. Unfortunately that did really happen.)

Whether or not the angry conversations in your head are based on fact or fiction, they are poisoning you. Instead of thinking happy thoughts about pumpkin baked goods and how much you love Irish setters and that Taylor Swift song that you are unashamed of loving, because dammit, that woman is a musical genius, you’re gritting your teeth and muttering under your breath. Stop it! The next time you start walking down that dark path in your mind, simply take all those trapped, vicious thoughts and imagine stuffing them into a balloon. You pick the color. Tie it off. Then, in that same brilliant mind of yours that can think up so many upsetting scenarios, walk out into a windy, sunlit field. Pinch that balloon between your fingers and then fling it into the sky. Watch as it floats away. Let the hate and the self-loathing and the defensiveness just disappear into the sky. Don’t follow it.

Drink some H2O, hot or cold.

“Ugh, why is everybody always telling me to drink more water?” I can see you pouting right now! You think this isn’t going to help! But it is. It really, really is. Mild dehydration has been shown to make you feel more moody and tired, even when you don’t feel particularly thirsty. Interestingly, it also leads you to believe that tasks are more difficult than they are in reality. You know that big project you want to get started on but you feel like it’s going to take you a thousand years? It might be the dehydration talking. It doesn’t matter whether you drink the wet stuff cold or hot, lemon-flavored or with a peppermint tea bag steeped in it - just don’t fill it with sugar (and juice, you toddler you, is totally full of sugar, so don’t think you can get off easy).

Reach out.

You know how sometimes an old friend, or maybe a family member you don’t see very often, just comes into your mind all of a sudden? It’s not a coincidence. One thing that never fails to make me feel amazing is taking 30 seconds to send an uplifting text to someone that I care about - think a short one like, “Hey, I was thinking of you today! Just having good memories of that time in college when we turned a cardboard box into a car and freaked people out at the library. We’re the best. You’re the best! Hope you’re having a crazy good week.” Maybe that’s not your style (and maybe you’ve never driven a cardboard box car to your university’s library, in which case, it’s not too late…). Phone calls are great too, and they don’t have to be long. Start the call with, “Hey, I just have a few minutes, but I really wanted to call and tell you how great you are.” Something about making someone else feel good makes you feel pretty special too.

Be where you are.

Mindfulness may seem like a totally unattainable thing for people on Portlandia, not something that you can do in real life. The smartphone beckons, and it’s easy to fall into the digital rabbit hole of cat memes and things you didn’t actually want to know about Taylor Lautner. For those of us who aren’t totally Zen yet, try starting out by listening to Mark Williams’ totally chill mindfulness audio meditations. They’re free and his accent is the best. You’ll feel calmer and more like a monk in moments.

You may like yoga (I don’t). You may like running (I definitely don’t). But if you don’t really enjoy moving but you ARE a human being who likes happy music, then you need to check out my new best friend, The Fitness Marshall, and his life-changing YouTube videos. I am not using “life-changing” casually there. The other night I “exercised” (I only put that in quotes because it did not feel like the usual torture passed off as fitness) for a straight up 30 minutes and wanted MORE, like an instant addict. I highly recommend Sia's Cheap Thrills (video above) to get you started, but they’re all seriously rad. (Warning: when you hear the songs afterward at the grocery store, you may burst into spontaneous dance moves right there in the checkout line.)