Battle of the Bulge

I am a big guy. I have been a husky guy since high school. A comfortable weight for me is in the two-twenty range. I am five feet eleven inches tall and currently weigh three hundred and ten pounds. I have gained eighty-plus pounds over the last three years.

This is my weight loss journey. I will update weekly for those who want to follow along with my progress. You will read about my successes, and you will read about my setbacks. This will be an honest, raw look at my journey.

"Behind weight gain are the larger hurts and questions that have to be explored, probed, and understood before weight loss and maintenance is a possibility. It's a bigger issue than just calories in and calories out."

Ali Vincent

So, how did I manage to gain all this weight over the last three years? There are many contributing factors. It started during the pandemic. With nothing to do and the concern over getting Covid, I ate when I was bored and/or stressed. From the pandemic's start to when the world opened up again, I had gained forty pounds. Then, in 2022, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I stayed at my sister's house to care for her during the week. For six weeks, she had radiation daily. We stopped at Dunkin' every day for convenience and because we weren't telling my mom no to anything. I never got food or donuts, but I would get a large iced coffee with cream, sugar, and flavoring. Every day. For six weeks. Then, my mom was placed in hospice care at home, and whenever the family would come to see her, they would stop and bring me something. Another large iced coffee with the works. I appreciated it then, but now I see how detrimental it was to my weight. When my mom passed, I turned to food to comfort me. And it did. So much so that I gained another forty pounds.

At my doctor's appointment for a physical a month and a half ago, we discussed my weight. My bloodwork (blood sugar, A1C, cholesterol, etc.) and blood pressure are normal. My blood pressure is really good and always has been. We discussed weight loss surgery and medications like Ozempic. My husband wasn't on board with weight loss surgery, and my doctor agreed. There was no medical indication to qualify for weight loss surgery besides my weight and occasional knee pains. I decided against medications like Ozempic due to the risk of serious side effects. My doctor was clear- if I didn't lose the weight, I would start having health problems. So what was my option? Losing weight the old-fashioned way. Diet and exercise.

What I am Doing Now

I knew I would document this journey, but I waited a few weeks to start writing, so I had some changes to report. The very first thing that stopped was daily Dunkin'. That was hard to get used to, but now I only have one iced coffee a week. The next thing I started was drinking a lot of water. Four bottles a day is my routine now. I am the one who does the majority of the cooking in my house, so I can control what we eat. We eat more white meat than anything and only have red meat once a week. I have decreased my portion sizes by half, and I take my time eating and being mindful when I eat. I stopped snacking on junk food late at night while relaxing and watching TV. Now, I eat baby carrots, snow peas, hummus, grapes, or apples for snacks. This was also hard to get used to, but I let myself cheat once a week with chips or nachos. Sometimes candy. I hope to get rid of the candy altogether. It has no nutritional value except for the sugar content, which I do not need. I also cut out soda, except for once a week. That was a tough one. So was cutting back my alcohol consumption. (Not an addiction, but I do love red wine.) So far, I am pretty satisfied with the changes I have made.

Next comes the physical activity part, of which I have not started. I have exercise bands and a place to exercise. I am going to start walking my property again as well.

Where am I Mentally?

First and foremost, I am disgusted by the way I look. It has made me so self-conscious that I hate going out in public now. I am embarrassed by how easily I get winded and am aggravated by how difficult being heavy makes everything. Right down to putting my shoes on.

I have dealt with a lot of grief and found some tools to help me cope when the grief reappears. Therapy is a lifesaver for me. My therapist and I will be working on this whole process's emotional and mental side. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore. I don't want my knees to always hurt. I don't want to look like this anymore, and most importantly, I do not want my weight to cause other health issues, which it will if I don't make some changes.

So there you have it—the beginning of my weight loss journey. I have a long road ahead of me, and I know that.

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