Satire
What Happens When the “Mother of Invention” Puts You Up for Adoption?
📺 AS SEEN ON TV!….PROBABLY Legal Notice: By reading this article, you acknowledge that any desire to actually purchase these products is entirely your own fault. The Pompous Post™ is not responsible for:
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
Murphy Has You on Speed Dial (And He’s Not Leaving a Voicemail)
There are people in this world who float through life untouched by the universe’s cruel little pranks. Their toast lands butter-side up, their headphones never tangle, and they’ve never once stubbed their toes on a table leg… And then… there’s you.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
BREAKING: Local Man Explains the Entire Plot of a Movie He Hasn’t Actually Seen, Based Solely on the Poster
CHIP VAGUELY (Anchor Desk, visibly exhausted): Good evening, I'm Chip Vaguely, and welcome to Channel 8 News. Where the truth doesn’t just come out… it rambles for several minutes first.
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
ALERT: Groundbreaking Study Reveals Cats Are Not Napping - They’re Recharging for Their 3 A.M. Zoomies to Nowhere
By The Pompous Post™ Investigative Lounge Division In what experts are calling “the most important breakthrough in modern domestic science,” researchers at the National Institute of Pet Behavior have confirmed that cats are not actually sleeping during the day. They’re recharging their internal chaos capacitors in preparation for their nightly ritual known as “The Zoomies.”
By The Pompous Post5 months ago in Humor
Why Aliens Only Visit the United States
Following the Pentagon's latest announcement of a flying object that "defied the laws of physics" over Nevada, citizens across the nation expressed zero surprise that it was visiting America, telling reporters it was logical that extraterrestrials would choose the United States as their first port of call in the universe.
By Scott Christenson🌴5 months ago in Humor
Local Man Argues with GPS, Accidentally Unlocks Its Toxic Personality Settings
A Scenic Shortcut to Madness It started innocently enough. Gary Whitmore, 43, of Dayton, Ohio, slid into his 2019 Toyota Camry and keyed in his destination: a Home Depot located precisely 12 minutes away. A quick trip. A routine errand. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
I Communicated Entirely in Auto-Complete Suggestions for 24 Hours. My Final Words Were “Sorry for the inconvenience.”
In an age where technology claims to make our lives easier, I decided to put that promise to the test in the dumbest way possible. For 24 hours straight, I vowed to communicate only through the power of auto-complete text suggestions. No original thought, no clever phrasing, just whatever three cursed words my phone decided to offer me at the time. Why you ask? Well… because we were bored.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
The Pompous Post Welcomes Harold Hindsight, Our New In-House Medium
Here at The Pompous Post, we are proud (and somewhat nervous) to introduce our newest member of the team: columnist “Harold Hindsight, Medium and Overseer of the Enlightened.” Harold claims to see beyond the veil of time itself. According to Harold (and Harold alone), he has already helped thousands of brothers and sisters reach their “best selves”. Though none of them could be reached for comment. His résumé includes healings of mysterious ailments and horoscope readings so accurate they could have been copied and pasted from a fortune cookie. The locating of “lost relatives” (most of whom happened to be at Applebee’s), and regular chats with the dearly departed.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
AI is Stealing Our Jobs, But It Can’t Fold a Fitted Sheet...
I. Prelude to the Apocalypse (Laundry Edition) Every generation has its defining fear. The Victorians worried about fainting couches and tuberculosis. The Cold War generation stockpiled canned peaches in case Russia sneezed too loudly. And us? We’ve been told that Artificial Intelligence will soon steal every job, write every poem, and possibly date every one of our exes.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
When the Rooster Comes Home to Roost
In the last episode, Ben and Ernie were at the pub (as usual)! Ben had told Ernie some troubling news. He had seen one of the finance staff shredding documents. Now, he was looking for Ernie's advice. Ben had his interview with Laxo Smut Klump, but not all had gone to plan.
By Calvin London6 months ago in Humor
