When the Rooster Comes Home to Roost

In the last episode, Ben and Ernie were at the pub (as usual)! Ben had told Ernie some troubling news. He had seen one of the finance staff shredding documents. Now, he was looking for Ernie's advice. Ben had his interview with Laxo Smut Klump, but not all had gone to plan.

******

Ben was back at the pub waiting for Ernie. He sat and pondered what the hell he was doing!

“Ben, this is my friend, Jemima Watchyousay, whom I was telling you about. She works for Tizer Pharmaceuticals."

Ben nearly dropped his beer on his pants; she was gorgeous! He could not take his eyes off her!

“Hi, I’m Be -Ben, well, you can call me Ben—nnn-y’’ he managed to stutter out. “Pleased to meet you. Can I get you a drink?"

“Sauvignon Blanc would be great, thanks, Ben. Ernie has been telling me you have a bit of a dilemma?”

“Sure do,” says Ben without taking his eyes off her while she sits down. "Ernie, get the lady a drink," he commanded, getting all self-assured.

Ben reiterated what he had seen at work, describing the sequence of events. He really had to concentrate. He noticed that Ernie was also clearly focused on every move that Jemima made. Ernie, his straight-laced accountant friend? No, he doubted himself—did Ernie have a crush on Jemima?

"What was that? I’m sorry—I missed that." Ben tried to wind back and catch up on what Jemima had just said.

"Look, it's very simple,” started Jemima. "I’ve been compliant for five years, and it always surprises me how many people miss such a simple message." You guys are all the same. You act like you know it all by faking it during training. You often complain about restrictions, but what do you do when the rubber hits the road? Play dumb, that’s what you do.”

She continued, “Tell someone, Ben - tell your manager, tell HR, tell legal. We wouldn’t have these issues if we all followed the standards. Noncompliance is not negotiable."

Ben sat there in silence. Ernie shuffled back into the corner a bit. This was one firecracker Ernie had found, Ben thought to himself. Jemima sat there looking at Ben, almost demanding a response. “Err, uhm, yeah, I guess you are right,” was all he could manage.

“Look,” says Jemima, “I don’t mean to be rude, but you really need to let someone know about this. It may be perfectly innocent, but then again, it may not. Let the right people have a look at it. Don't be surprised if they want to ask you a lot of questions—they may even start to look through your e-mail.”

The colour drained out of Ben’s face. "What, I have not done anything wrong; I am trying to be the good guy here."

He tried to think about what he had in his emails. Before he could answer, Jemima piped in, “Don’t think about deleting any of your emails, Ben. That is the worst thing you can do. They will trace, and if they find you have been on a deleting spree, it will only get you into more trouble."

“We know you have done nothing wrong. Relax, it is all part of the process - you haven’t done anything wrong, have you?”

Her question pierced Ben like an arrow (and we are not talking about love arrows here!) Ben tried to flash through all the e-mails he had written: dirty jokes, having a go at his managers. His head started to hurt.

Had he written anything that was, well, non-compliant? Had he written to Tina? Tina, oh crap! He had written to Tina - would she be in trouble?

He felt sick! "Let's have another drink, Jemima - same again - I’ll get them,” he suggested, looking for an excuse to run away.

“Sorry, I have to go. I have a conference call with Legal, funnily enough, about a similar topic which I can’t discuss.”

“Look, my girlfriend is coming back from China next week. She works in Compliance—maybe we can get together again and have dinner or something. What do you say, Ernie?”

Ernie had already gone into panic mode at the thought of a foursome date. It was way too early in his planning to be seeing Jemima again, although underneath, he would like nothing better. “Sure,” was all he could manage, looking as he had just given birth to an elephant.

“Great, I’d love to meet your friend. My call is with our people in China. Boy, it’s a tough gig working for Compliance in China at the moment. Give me a call, Ernie, and we'll set it up.”

Then she was gone. Ernie and Ben sat there in silence, neither one knowing what to say.

“Nice going, Ben; that’s a fine mess you have got us into. How was your interview?”

"Don't ask," replied Ben. "That is a whole other story."

******

Episode 3: Next Episode: The Investigation begins – We’ll Ask the Questions. Thank You.

Till next time,

Calvin