Scenes From Our Italian Restaurant

If there is one thing and one person I love writing about, it's my late, great Nonna. My Italian grannie has already been the subject, partially or completely, of my pieces, Goodnight Nonna, Goodbye, One of the Main Links to My Family, Filomena, It Still Hurts, and Pastina - Quickest Route Back to Nonna's Kitchen. She was a gem of a person, and anyone who got to know her would agree. She was also a source of endless joy and laughter. That smile lit up a room.

Little Bit of Background

She came to Glasgow when she was 21 and died when she was 90. She had six children, four girls and two boys, 14 grandchildren, and five great-grandchildren. So quite a mighty clan we are.

My Nonna was a generous woman, principled, and loving. She was an amazing cook and was one of those types that would feed you until you were going to explode!

Just because my mum found these, I thought I'd share these pics -

She was the type of person who would cook for 14+ plus people without complaining, on a weekly basis.

She was also incredibly funny in her way. Which is what I wanted to highlight in this post. I want to remember some of the funnier times and her unique way of seeing and handling things.

A Regular Shakespeare and Burns

My Nonna almost stubbornly (well, that's how I saw it) spoke very broken English in a very thick Italian accent, despite having lived in Scotland for most of her adult life. However, that didn't stop her from creating her own words.

Meaniac - a portmanteau of meanie (as in little meanie) and maniac. Used to describe her children and then grandchildren, "Stop all the shouting, you meaniacs" as a poor example of the word in action.

Shitteria - I hope you can see where she was going with this one. This was kinda used to describe situations and other things - so anything that was not great or nonsense, in her opinion, was shitteria. Lovely, Nonna, lovely.

Shitebook - in Scotland, we don't really say shit. We say shite with the magic e on the end because we just do okay. My Nonna absolutely hated social media with a real burning passion, it seemed, and mobile phones too. Hence, Shitebook, not Facebook. "Are you on that Shitebook again?" etc.

Mobile Phone Threats

On the subject of mobile phones, as most of my cousins, when they were old enough, had mobile phones and would spend a lot of time on them, Nonna was not happy about that. It was a regular occurrence to hear her say things like "I'm going to stand on on it!" or "Give me it, I'm going to put it under my feet" or "Give me it so I can break it!" Charming.

High Praise Indeed

She was incredibly kind and loving. That is not up for debate. However, with some things, if she commented on them, she would often say, "It's okay, not perfect". She had standards, dammit.

You Killed Me

This is something she used to tease my sister about quite a bit. If she nudged her Nonna by accident and asked if she hurt her, Nonna would always reply "Yes, you killed me!". Sarcastic much?

Restaurant Critic

As a woman who was obviously born in a small Italian village where they made all their own pasta and pizza, etc., she knew a thing or two about cooking Italian food. Which meant she could be less than complimentary at Italian restaurants. She might comment about pizzas that they had too much cheese on them, that the base was too thin, or that a lasagne had too much mince and not enough pasta. The list is endless. It makes me laugh just thinking about it.

It's only money

This is a phrase that my mum and her siblings have continued to say in her honour. If something was expensive but necessary, she would say "It's only money" with a bit of a shrug. I've spoken to my mum, and we are not sure if it became "it's only bloody money" or not after Nonna or if she used that word. I can imagine it either way, though.

Reaction to Kindness

She appreciated what people did for her but was not often good at saying so because if someone was kind to her, she would say "You're daft!" or "he's daft" or "she's daft."

Nit

This is an old Scottish slang word used with contempt, to refer to a small, mischievous individual or thing. "You're a nit" or "he/she is a nit"

Were you asleep?

If she called anyone on the phone and they were slow to pick up and answer, she would always ask if they were asleep. My mum now does this, apparently!

Have you fallen in the toilet?

This, as you may have guessed, is something she would ask just about anyone who had gone to the toilet if they were, what she deemed, a long time... "Did you get lost?" I also heard her utter once to my sister when she came out.

Gino D'Acampo

There is a picture of my lovely Nonna with the very nice and rather famous (over here) Gino D'Acampo, an Italian TV chef type. She looks happy there, doesn't she? Apparently, though, this chap made the mistake of teaching the British public how to cook pasta and said "Put the sauce into the bowl first, then the pasta into the sauce" WTF. Nonna was not happy at all about that.

Remember, she was brought up in an Italian village and taught by her mum, and besides, anyone with half a bit of sense knows that's not the way you do it. You always put the sauce onto the pasta, not the other way around.

This is something she would not let lie and I for one, support her on it!

The title is a reference to the Billy Joel song that we would always seem to listen to as we approached Glasgow, coming from Paisley when we (my wife, kids, and me) visited Nonna later in life. So I always have memories of Nonna and visiting her when I hear that song.

I hope you've enjoyed this little look at some of the funnies that came from visits to my Nonna's house. I'll never be able to go back there, but I've got some fantastic memories.

Thanks for reading!