It still hurts, you know
You're gone, the world moves on
But...it still hurts
Never again will I see that smile
Hear that laughter; your zest and zeal
It may sound overplayed or cliched
But, since you're gone
The world is a little dimmer, a little less bright
As hard as I pretend
That you're not gone
You're just beyond the river
In the city, as ever
I will have to face the reality
You're gone and it hurts
But for today
You're alive; I just can't see you
It's hard keeping you alive
In my head, in my heart
It still hurts
It still hurts
Missing you
I still feel
Shame, blame
I didn't visit
Make time
I neglected you
The family
Now, you're gone
I'm lost
I can't make up
For lost time
There are no more
Next weeks and next times
-
Part of the grieving process is acceptance
Acceptance allows you to move on
Or, so they say
-
What if I don't want to move on?
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Note: Inspired by losing my Nonna, still hurts, even now.
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Scottish-Italian poet/writer from Glasgow.
Overflowing in English language torture and word abuse.
"Every man has a sane spot somewhere" R.L Stevenson
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection is now available!
https://paulspoeticprints.etsy.com
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We'z Walking on a Path Ruled By Numbers
This road has felt endless, yet limited; every step tracked. Inching away along this path, I feel trapped. Confined. Left to this narrow passage that may one day amount to something greater. Time is not a concept. Only distance. From start to finish, I laugh and cry and attempt to convince myself that this is worth it. I cannot stray. I must keep going. Every step etched, is a step taken, is measured as more than before. I cannot even recall how I got here. Maybe I don’t even really exist. Just another tick marking off a perceived presence. Of what though? I am just another line drawn. Nothing more, nothing less.
By Oneg In The Arctic5 days ago in Fiction
Comments (12)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I always feel like grief is this wound that closes up sometimes and opens at others while leaving a scar. Beautifully written my friend ❤️
Moving on isn’t always an option. People deal with grief differently. Then some deaths are easier to accept than others, it’s really relative to the impact someone had in one’s life. But I personally don’t believe death is an ending. Sorry for the loss of your Nonna. I feel like it’s always hard to get over the should haves and could haves. But I believe a soul knows when they are loved, even beyond the earthen realm. Beautiful poem.
I love how you ended this. Society’s obsession with “moving on” is so toxic, and it’s exactly why most people are slightly sociopathic. I can’t remember the name of the psychotherapist, or what podcast I was listening to, but they said that sociopathic tendencies are COMMON. And I believe it. A sociopath is someone who cannot feel. They don’t feel remorse, they don’t feel joy. The only thing they can feel is shame at getting caught. They can feel the weight of public humiliation. So when we live in a society that encourages “moving on” for productivity and consumerism, people go through life numbing themselves to emotions they find painful or inconvenient. And after a while, they become less and less empathetic to others. How can you feel the pain of another while refusing to deal with your own shit? You can’t. It doesn’t surprise me that you are still grappling with the loss, and the guilt. What makes someone a true artist, writer, creator, whatever title you give it, is that they feel everything. Then they turn it into something tangible, some creation that triggers other people to feel. Unfortunately, with narcissism on the rise (a natural response to sociopathic tendencies), a lot of people want content warnings so they don’t have to see anything that would make them feel what they are distracting themselves from, because they need to “function.” Seems pretty dysfunctional to me, though.
What if I don't want to hold on? That line resonated deeply with me. I tend to hold on so tightly to things. Your Nonna was one of your first pieces that I read! I'm so sorry Paul. I do hope you can move on. Sending you lots of love and hugs 🥺❤️
Thoughtful work Paul. I identify with that conflict of not wanting “to move on”. ☺️ Best.
That one's touching Paul. Sorry you lost your Nonna.
Your poem is a beautiful, bittersweet tribute, and it really got to me. This was masterfully done. 💗
Tragic and beautiful. Wonderful work!
Ah yeah, grief hurts and creeps up any time it wants. I'm so sorry you have such guilt attached to the grief. Not easy :( Beautifully penned though.
It's a total shame. Hugs.
💙
No answers. But can offer a warm embrace. 🥰