Sax And Violins

Introduction

I wasn't sure what this piece was going to be. It is about plays on words, innuendo, and more, but would be a playlist, a poem, a story, or just some observations and I think it will be the final one with one or two songs thrown in.

Also because most of these examples should make you smile or laugh, maybe it should go under humor (note the American spelling), as these are my observations and reporting of things that already exist.

So Let's Play With Words

I've taken the title from a Talking Heads song from their album "Naked" and when you hear the phrase "Sax and Violins" you hear the phrase "Sex and Violence" which for some people would sell them a book or film. I am sure the band used that title to catch people's attention although the real seller of the actual music.

I once created a video that is rated "18" by YouTube which is a set of drawings that can be taken in the same way as the opening phrase here. This is the video but you may have to confirm your age to see it.

One car manufacturer that sounds a lot ruder than it actually is, is the Swedish motor giant Volvo, if you replace the "o"s with "a"s.

Al Stewart once told a joke about the pronunciation of a French Diplomat's wife. At a dinner party, she was asked what she wanted most in the world. She immediately replied "A Penis". Her husband leaned over and said, "I think it is pronounced 'Happiness'". Pronunciation can sometimes cause embarrassment and laughter.

William Shakespeare is obviously a go-to master for the use of words four hundred years after he departed this mortal coil (which is probably one of his).

From:

In Twelfth Night, the pompous butler Malvolio is given a letter that he thinks is from the lady of the house, declaring her love for him. This is how he convinces himself the letters in her writing:

By my life, this is my lady's hand: these be her very C's,

her U's, and her T's; and thus makes she her great P's.

Looking at it on the page, it spells out "CUT." But if you read it aloud — "her C's, her U's, and her T's" (hint: read the "and" as "N")— it gets a lot dirtier. "And thus makes she her great P's."

"Venus and Adonis" is oviously sexual, and therefore more interesting to teenagers, than a lot of the Bard's other work. Here's just one, self-evident example:

Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry

Stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

I think you know where that is going.

From:

FROM HENRY IV, PART II, ACT 2, SCENE 1

MISTRESS QUICKLY: Alas the day. Take heed of him: he stabbed me in mine own house, and that most beastly. He cares not what mischief he doth, if his weapon be out. He will foin like any devil. He will spare neither man, woman, nor child.

FANG: If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

MISTRESS QUICKLY: No, nor I neither. I'll be at your elbow.

FANG: If I but fist him once, if he come but within my vice —

• stabbed hurt financially / penetrated sexually
• house inn / vagina
• weapon sword / penis
• foin thrust
• close with fight / embrace sexually
• fist punch / masturbate
• come advance / orgasm
• thing item / penis
• score tavern bill, accounts / vagina
• Pie-corner area in London famous for cooks' shops, saddlers and prostitution ('pie' and 'corner' were both slang terms for the vagina )
• manhoods honours / penises
• saddle horse's saddle / whore
• case lawsuit / vagina
• hundred mark £66 / large penis
• borne been patient / borne the weight of a man during sex
• fubbed off fobbed off / fucked
• wrong wrongdoing / shaming penis / illegitimate child

"I'm Gonna Bring a Watermelon to My Girl Tonight" by The Bonzo Dog Band from Gorilla

I will leave you with this innuendo about a young man getting further with his girlfriend by presenting her with ever-increasing sizes of fruit.

I hope this has not been too offensive and that you have enjoyed the words and music that I have shared.