Castle Chicanery II

MERCANTILE & TRADE:

Caravan Leader Fired: Turb N. Guye, long time caravan leader for Lord Androlian - court jester - was terminated yesterday [from his position, not from his life, although the vote was close]. Per reliable accounts it seems Caravanser Guye has on several occasions delivered property and goods to the wrong coordinates, thus causing massive problems with proper distribution of resources and revenue. This firing took place amidst allegations of possible animal abuse as Turb N. Guye was also accused of humping the camels.

NOTE: Single hump camels (dromedary) do not appreciate being fitted with an extra hump as they consider themselves superior to the two humped variety (bactrian) whereas the bactrians are well known to espouse that two humps are better than one.

Caravanser Guye has been replaced with his senior apprentice, Mr. Kam L. Ryder. Caravanser Ryder swears that all deliveries will be prompt and efficient with no loss of resources due to inept (or inappropriate) camel handling. He is quoted as saying, "There will no inappropriate humping of camels on my watch."

On a related note: Lord Androlian announces upcoming camel races scheduled for next week. Competitors have come from fiefdoms far and wide to challenge reigning humper Kam L. Ryder and his sopwith camel Clyde Two Hump to a race of speed and endurance. Pull out those saddlebags, sand down those hump lumps, and let's hit the dunes running. :-)

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MARISOL MANSE MASHES MUNCHKINS: In a tornadic event like unto that of a certain young lady from Kansas and her little doggy too, Lady Marisol found herself and her keep bodily lifted from her English countryside and deposited in Oz - specifically in Munchkinland. In true Dorothy fashion, Lady Marisol did indeed land upon someone's personage. Unfortunately, said personage was not a wicked witch (despite the stated opinions of several rather vocal neighbors). Howsomever; Per the esteemed mayor of Munchkinland, he whose wife was landed upon, he is more than willing to declare this a witch killing. No charges have been brought against Lady Marisol and Mayor Munchkin has called a week of feasting in her honor.

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POCKET BLAST WRECKS TURRET: Following an accidental explosion in the North tower of Lord Androlian's keep, final repairs have been completed. Story below:

Upon investigating rumors of a suspicious explosion on site, this reporter was told by an anonymous, but very bedgraggled source, that the cause of the explosion was a mix up by Lord Androlian between blasting powder and sneezing powder. Upon speaking with Lord Androlian he advised the actual problem is related to a pick pocketing incident in that Lady Tindomerel stole his sneezing powder from his pantaloons. Unfortunately, certain that the lady in question had actually picked the wrong pocket and instead was about to apply blasting powder to Vice Regent Nanaja's bodice..., Lord androlian acted rapidly to save the day.

Aware that rancid pepper juice would counteract the blasting powder, Lord Androlian immediately pulled one from his jester hat and tossed it to Lady Tindomerel. Just to be safe, Lord Androlian pulled over a table onto it's side and crouched behind it, simultaneously heroically pulling our beloved regent Lady Emcat behind the table with him. As Lady Tindomerel was attempting to jam the alleged vial of blasting powder into the rancid pepper, Lord Androlian pulled out his sneezing powder vial and took a sniff..., just to verify the accuracy of his interpretation of the ongoing events. Unfortunately, the vials had been switched from pocket to pocket and..., long story short..., blasted table parts all over the tower room. Luckily, Lord Androlian's bulk shielded Regent Emcat from the main force of the blast and the two sustained only minor scrapes and some shredded clothing. [[On a side note, Regent Emcat is looking for a good tailor]]

Also present with Androlian, Emcat, and Tindomerel, were the esteemed Lords Tolke and Paledine. At the time of the blast the two were standing by the tower window looking at the sun as it set over the moat. The force of the blast ejected the two lords from the window, along with a few bricks and some mortar... not to mention Regent Emcat's crown of office. Lady Nanaja, in a quick thinking rescue attempt, bodily threw Lord Androlian from the window into the moat in order to save the two floundering lords. What our esteemed Vice Regent failed to ascertain was whether or not Lord Androlian had passed the swimming test at his last physical. As Lord Androlian submerged for the 3rd time, Vice Regent Nanaja was forced to dive into the moat in order to save the erstwhile rescuer. Meanwhile, Lord Tolke wandered off to parts unknown [[see related story, CC III]].

Lord Androlian, whom it seems actually can swim, laughed at his prank, swam to the side, and ascertained that Lord Paledine was indeed breathing and maintained a strong pulse. Lady Nanaja, upon being informed that Spike, our ever beloved war kraken, has yet to be broken of utilizing the moat as a urinal, has vowed a Family Feud with Lord Androlian and all his progeny unto the 5th generation. It is unknown who the host of said Family Feud will be as Steve Harvey and Richard Dawson are elsewise engaged.

Lord Androlian, upon hearing of the urinary habits of Spike, refused to dive back into the moat again despite being offered a wetsuit by Vice Nanaja. Lord Androlian returned to the moat (after a long decontamination shower) with poles to attempt to retrieve Lady Emcat's crown of office. After two hours of dredging the depths, Lord Androlian was successful in recovering a slightly tarnished crown. Said crown has been polished and returned.

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FROG INFESTATION LEAPS TO FOREFRONT OF CULINARY REVOLUTION: Having noted that frogs are apparently fond of pond water laced with kraken urine, we have had an infestation of tadpoles in our moat. These tadpoles, of course, have led to a nightly concert of bullfrogs underneath the bedchambers of Lord Androlian. Maestro Jeremiah, the bullfrog, leads said concert in a virtuoso performance.

Subsequent to the infestation, Chef Cezer Sallud Jr. is thrilled with the frog leg dishes being prepared. He plans to publish a book of recipes [[See Literary Castle Corner section, CC IV]]

Be it known: Lord Androlian seeks services of a professional frog exterminator. Those interested may seek out the esteemed lord at his fief.

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For edition 1, see below link:

https://vocal.media/fiction/castle-chicanery

https://vocal.media/humor/castle-chronicles-iii

https://vocal.media/humor/castle-chronicles-iv

https://vocal.media/humor/castle-chronicles-v