A Diary, An Alien Encounter, And Too Much Anal Probing

Have you ever looked at the stars and wondered where the other intelligent life in the universe was hiding? Maybe you saw something bizarre flying through the skies. Did you read the history of events like the famous Roswell Crash or watch the congressional hearings on the UAP phenomenon? 

The question continues to plague humanity. If we aren't alone, why haven't we seen these cosmic beings wreaking havoc on our skies? Why don't they show themselves? 

The answer, they have!

Lunar 1

Lunar 1 was a classified project authorized along with Project Blue Book. However, Lunar 1 was classified as top secret, and only President Harry S. Truman and his closest advisers knew of its existence outside those assigned to the project. 

It all started in December 1951. It was a different era in American history and human history. There was nowhere near the openness that exists in the 21st century. The world was in the "Red Scare" and paranoid that everyone was a communist. 

In the middle of a field in Montana, as a Rancher rode his faithful steed along his fence line a bright light appeared in the cold night sky. FBI files identify the rancher as Warren Thomas from the WTX Ranch. Not long after the ranch was the center of military and intelligence activity that lasted two days, it was bought under an eminent domain ruling. 

This was only the beginning of the adventure for Warren Thomas. Thomas was taken into custody and questioned for nearly 30 hours. He was, by all accounts, the first contact with the aliens often referred to as the "Grays." Thomas was never seen or heard from by the locals again, but a nurse from the state mental hospital detailed his story in her diary.

The Diary Of Helena Bridger

Helena Bridger's diary became part of a Congressional Committee Hearing that rivaled the hearings that invoked such odd characters as Luke Skywalker, Taun-tauns, and Aquaman. As the 21st century saw an openness to the idea that aliens wouldn't cause panic, Congress began looking for examples of extra-terrestrial life. What they found was even more questions, most of them starting with how.

Helena was a nurse at the Montgomery Mental Health Systems Facility in Montana. She was a lieutenant in the U.S. Army and held a security clearance so she had access that others did not. As a nurse in the high-security wing, Helena worked with Warren Thomas and a few patients she understood were there in the interest of national security.

Warren was twenty years her senior, but always friendly, and by far the sanest of her patients. Whenever she brought meds, he would smile and call her the cowgirl with the good treats. If he was trapped on the intelligence wing of the facility he knew he would never leave. Warren knew the drugs he was prescribed by their "quack" doctor would at least make his imprisonment more bearable. 

Helena liked Warren. He was ruggedly attractive, friendly, and easy to talk to when she had free time. The shifts were long and often boring. The entire floor was filled with half-crazed ex-diplomats, military and intelligence officials, and civilians Washington wanted to keep quiet. Many of which were always irritable. 

Warren never struck her that way. So, when they had time when there weren't prying ears she asked him why he was there.

"What's your story cowboy?" 

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," answered Warren. 

"Try me," she suggested. 

Warren looked at her and said just four words. "God damned space alien."

Helena wrote in her diary, dated January 3rd, 1952:

"Met an interesting one. Warren, or patient 235. I finally got up the courage to ask why he was locked down. The answer is so ridiculous that I almost regret believing him. But, I do."

Helena was gone for a couple of days. When she came back to work, several of the patients she was accustomed to were no longer on her wing. She found it confusing, as she'd heard nobody ever get's off that wing. 

Warren, however, was right where she always found him. When she brought lunch to the handful in the common area, she held his for last. Finally getting to Warren, she popped the top on his tray and smiled. 

"Well, that doesn't look too bad. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn, and a brownie," she described. "Yum."

"Thanks," said Warren. "I could eat the ass out of a bull right now." 

Helena laughed out loud, snorting slightly. 

"So, god damned space aliens."

"Yep," replied Warren. "Damned thing crashed on my ranch while I was out riding. When I called it in, the damned airforce showed up with the F.B.I. By then, I had seen too much." 

"Too much?"

Warren described the encounter, and how four creatures came from within a long, cigar-shaped, craft. When they did, they all seemed to be exploring the area. One of the creatures wandered toward him and his horse. It didn't seem hostile, or dangerous until it did something odd. 

"What did it do?"

Warren asked if she'd ever heard the tails about aliens abducting people, and then probing them on their ships. He recounted the stories he heard after the crash in 47. One of the witnesses disappeared for six months. 

"No…" she hesitated. "That was a weather balloon." 

"That's what they told the press, but the witness turned up later, naked on a county road, and babbling. The local doctor who did his exam believed he'd been violated."

"Violated?" 

"You know, anally."

Helena laughed as she excused herself. She'd never heard such a thing, but she knew how gossip spread. Still, the idea of being probed by an alien didn't sound fun. 

The next day, Helena brought lunch around again and asked Warren what happened that got him locked up. When Warren described the rest of the encounter with the F.B.I. he told her how one of the aliens inserted a finger in his horse's ass and then could change. 

"Suddenly, the damned thing looked like a horse. It looked like a match for Zeke."

"Wow," she smiled, laughing a bit. "I still don't understand why they had to put you on lockdown." 

"I imagine," said Warren, "It's because Truman has met the black-eyed-bastards. He's always so crotchety, they must have probed him too."

While Harry Truman did sign the orders authorizing Project Blue Book and the classification level of any information resulting from that investigation, the rest of this story has been for entertainment and humor. At no point do we know of aliens ever anally probing a U.S. President. 

However, there is a good reason to believe that one President has been in contact with alien life. That lifeform was the center of a Star Trek episode and was brought back in one of the newer movies, Star Trek Into Darkness. 

The Tribble has been sitting on a certain billionaire's head for years.

I hope you enjoyed the laugh…because I could see the premise being the next great sci-fi comedy adventure on Fox.