I’ve Never Been Dumped in a Relationship Before

The other day, I read about a breakup somewhere. I can’t remember if it was an article online, someone’s blog, or maybe even a Facebook post from someone about being dumped. I’ve seen many distraught people discussing how sad, despondent, and generally depressed they felt. My heart always goes out to those who go through such a difficult loss.

I started thinking about my own long-term relationships that I’ve had during my almost 48 years on this planet. I did a quick inventory and realized that I have never been dumped in a relationship before. Wait, that can’t be right, can it?

No, it turns out it’s true. After thinking about it, I’ve never been out of nowhere, kicked upside down to the curb, dumped on my ass. I guess I’ve been lucky or at least knew when to call it a day and vamanos out of a not-so-great situation.

This isn’t to say that I’ve always had my way and run of the dating pool. Certainly not. I was denied entry to the dating pool for a number of years. I definitely had crushes on girls all through school that I knew would likely shoot me down if I even brought up the idea of “going together”.

Remember that term, “going together”? That’s so funny. If someone was your boyfriend or girlfriend, you were both going together. This was more so the case from the later grade school to junior high ages of life. You both liked each other, so you decided that you were going together. Well, usually the girl decided this. The boy was just happy to be involved in the equation in some way.

Where exactly did these young couples go together to? The number one destination was to class. You had about six or seven potential classes that you could have your new boyfriend or girlfriend in. Going together involved getting educated, for certain.

There was also recess, lunch, and walks to and from school. Those were definitely a number of places that a couple could go together. And that’s only involving school-related activities.

Let’s not forget group dates. Or as many kids call it “hanging out”. Many parents are not ok with younger kids going on dates before the age of sixteen or so. Kids found a workaround for that. “Oh, we’re just ‘hanging out’.”

This would typically occur in a group setting with a proportionate number of girls and boys, often equal numbers to be exact. You’d get dropped off at the mall on a Saturday afternoon and close the place down. There would be Orange Julius, Mrs. Fields, the arcade, goofing around in stores, and being entirely too loud and possibly inappropriate.

But you had to be careful. You didn’t want to attract too much attention. At least by the wrong people, such as a moody store employee or even worse, mall security. Getting kicked out of the mall with your friends and having to explain why you needed a ride home so quickly could land you in a world of trouble. It was best to err on the side of caution and have SOME form of manners at the food court.

I was always too big of a chickenshit to ask a girl out. I learned quickly in life that if I could make girls laugh, they’d usually let me talk to them. Possibly even “hang out”.

For me, though this happened on school property. I wasn’t going to malls and having adventures with the opposite sex. That would have cut into my Nintendo time. My first relationship was with Mario, though I kept Zelda as my side-chick.

As life progressed and I got more comfortable in my own skin, so did the dating life and eventual relationships that I found myself in. I have always been a relationship person for whatever reason.

My dating life started around the age of 21, at the time I had my first committed relationship. My current age is almost 48. I’ve been in relationships for all of those 27 years, minus six to eight total months of being single.

That’s pretty interesting, to me. That’s five committed relationships over 27 years. Some lasted far longer than others. Some were wonderful in the beginning. A couple didn’t stand much of a chance. I’ve learned from them all and it’s pretty amazing to find out what you can and won’t put up with in a relationship.

Evidently, I have been the one to decide when to pull the plug on a suffering relationship. And it’s not always an easy choice to make. There are variables, kids involved some of the time and other factors that make you feel bad for being the one to leave.

Generally, when it reaches that point, both people know it’s coming. Even the person that is dumped usually admits that it’s for the best. Perhaps not right away while they’re plotting out their plan to ruin your life. But in time, it becomes apparent that one of you made the right move to initiate the breakup.

I couldn’t imagine one of those blind-sided breakups. The one where you think everything is going smooth and suddenly the person you’re with decides to start seeing someone else. Or has been behind your back. Those situations HAVE to hurt.

Maybe your husband of 25 years decides he’s had enough and wants to date other people. He starts working out to get in shape again, grows a soul patch, and buys a Corvette. Then serves you divorce papers once he’s dating the 22-year-old fitness instructor at his gym who’s graduated with your daughter. Yeah, I feel for the women who deal with that.

Maybe marriage should be more like a fishing license. Something you elect to renew every year or two. If you’re having a bad relationship during all of that time, you just decide not to renew the license. Perhaps if divorce wasn’t such a process, people would come and go more as they please. I don’t know. Relationships can be tricky to navigate, long term.

I’m fortunate that I’ve found the coolest person in the world to be with. The prior four relationships before ours I’m certain taught me more about the things I was willing to put up with and compromise over, and which ones were deal breakers. It’s been so easy with Mai.

The best relationships are the ones in which both people are equally as good to each other. If one of the two participants isn’t as kind or thoughtful toward the other, resentment sets in. Anger and sadness follow. In some relationships, the differences between the two people are quite minor, yet they tend to grow apart over time.

Some relationships are just downright abusive. One person can be really mean to the other. They can use them for various numbers of reasons. They cheat, lie, gaslight, and display narcissistic tendencies. Emotional and psychological abuses are bad enough, but when it turns physical, it’s time to leave.

When you choose to hit the person you are involved with, that should be an automatic deal breaker. Putting your hands in anger on another human being should be an easy indicator that you are not emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship. You are better off working on yourself and addressing your issues before you try another relationship.

Sadly, this doesn’t always happen. Many human beings have a tendency to fear being alone. If you don’t make an above-average income, you may find yourself jumping into new relationships far too quickly for financial reasons, before you are ready and capable of having a healthy, well-adjusted relationship.

When you take the time to heal from your previous relationship and are comfortable enough living life on your own, you are better equipped to be excellent toward somebody else. I knew that once I ended my last relationship before Mai, I needed time to really think about where my relationships were going wrong and how I’d make the next one better.

After deciding what I wanted in the next one, and putting my young daughter’s needs ahead of my own, it became clear and so much easier. When we met Mai and everything seemed so much easier and more natural, I had a feeling that this was it. Finally, a healthy, fun, and amazing relationship.

We’ve been together for almost 11 years now and we both would tell you that we finally figured things out. Waiting to be with the person that fits you best and brings joy and happiness rather than drama and strife is so much better. It sure beats rushing into another relationship that isn’t right and is doomed to fail.

For those who are good people but are coming up on the short of the dating stick, hang in there. If you’ve been broken up with by someone who chooses to date another person to wants to be single, try not to take it personally. They likely have done you a favor by revealing their true intentions.

The ending of a chapter in your book of life allows you to start the next better one. You can’t meet Mr./Ms. Right while you’re still with Mr./Ms. Wrong. Be comfortable with who you are while single, establish your healthy boundaries and guidelines, then wait to see what the universe brings your way. &:^)