Fearlessly falling in love.

In any situation you should never be afraid to love or being afraid to be hurt by love. It’s a beautiful thing to be capable of loving someone so much that it’ll hurt you. We are human, we were made to feel these emotions. I wish everyone could experience what I have.

You should have loved at least 5 times before you found your true love. No love is the same and each leave you with a different lesson and gift. You build your own character with each failed love. You are capable of loving individuals who have nothing in common, why should you take advantage of that.

I think we should drop standards (to a point) and just let love grow where it wants. You don’t need to be rich to find it or even have your Sunday best on all the time. I can assure you when you find your true love, they won’t give two shits whether you are dressed like Cardi B or Adam Sandler. I believe I’ve experienced and found my true love. Maybe sharing my story with help you discover yours or lead you into a path of learning about yourself through loving someone else.

I came into this wanting to hurt someone for hurting me. I’ll admit you were attractive but my heart played no part in it. You wanted sex as much as me, most likely not for the same reasons. I was in a very dark place, I had been through so much and for the first time I felt like I was in control of my body. How could I still give a shit about someone who completely destroyed me. My attempt to hurt them failed, they had no issue ignoring me and making me nonexistent in their life. I pursued you anyways, you seemed to be just as broken as me. I could see the depth of pain in your eyes, they were so lonely but your outside appearance was tough. As much as we talked about sex we were both two nervous to even make the first move, that was predictable.

We spent hours in your room with no words spoken bonding in the sounds of The Office. This was new territory to me, I had no idea what this was gonna lead to anything or if I was just creating a false narrative of two friends enjoying one another’s company. We built a foundation out of icees and sitting that dodge caliber writing in journals. I never had someone to share my journal with but you never made me feel ashamed for being human. I remember those nights we spent sleeping in your car because everyone was against us being together. We slept in a car over our beds just because we wanted to be together, and it wasn’t for the sex although that was great too.

You were the first guy to ever make me feel beautiful during and after intercourse. You were the first to ever ask me if I was comfortable, constantly asking “is this okay” you were so cautious with my body. I’m not sure if you even knew how much you were healing my scars. I’ll never forget when you wanted to bring me coffee before work, we ended up at two different Dunkin’s and yet you still drove to only see me for 5 minutes. That day I got into the car accident, I was so afraid to admit how much I thought of you when I thought my life was going to end. I wasn’t sure if it was allowed because how fresh we were but you were all that was running through my mind.

You were with me through therapy, learning to walk again. All those nights I cried thinking I wasn’t gonna get my life back on track and you held me each time. Do you remember when we found out I was pregnant? You were so happy, you wasted no time calling your parents and family to let them know you were having a baby. I was crying because I assumed the “honeymoon” phase was ending. I’m so fucking happy I was wrong, you moved me to your hometown and we started to build a foundation for our little family. All the nights of silence trying to feel our little human kick. All the scares we went through when the doctor recommended we terminate the pregnancy, I’ll never forget when you said our baby was meant to be and went through with the pregnancy. I never felt alone once during it all, you talking me through pushes. I don’t know who cried more, hearing our baby boys cry. You are the best father, the best partner.

Moving day!! We moved our baby into the fifth wheel while expecting our second child! Damn, we never had a lot of money but we sure never went without. It might’ve not been ideal for anyone else but who gives a shit, we’re happy. I love how we heal our inner child together, the way we can play games together and be silly with no fear of being embarrassed. You really got me listening to podcasts in my free time, who would’ve thought I’d binge episodes of KillTony. You wake up before the sun and come home just before bedtime and yet I’ve never heard you complain that it’s too much. You’ve always made time with me a priority, aside from being a father to our two babies.

Who knew 8 hours of The Office would lead to this? 16 year old me would’ve never dreamed of a life as beautiful as this one. I didn’t even know I could deserve this, or even deserve someone this wonderful. True love is real. I think it’s safe to say I found my true love.

I didn’t have pure intentions in the beginning. I was very afraid to love someone else. I let myself be vulnerable and naked (metaphorically speaking) and it was a rollercoaster of emotions. I let my guard down and healed my inner child by being me with someone who wasn’t afraid to be them. We healed each other and we fell in love doing so. Being in love is a beautiful thing, but being in love with your true love is something I wish for everyone.