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Facebook Friends Test

A Translation

By Everyday JunglistPublished about a year ago 4 min read
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Friends doing what friends do. I guess. Image by Adina Voicu from Pixabay

The test

What was written: What was meant

For dear friends: For all the people who claim to be my friends but may or may not really be:

Certainly, in the most difficult moments of life we witness an understanding of who are the real friends or the people that really love us enough to put out some effort to show and share their love with us: Definitely I have a problem with low self esteem, I need constant validation or I feel like everyone has abandoned me and I’m all alone in this cold, cruel world. Why doesn’t everyone love me like I want to be loved, like I need to be loved? If only there were a way to determine who really loves me and who are the just using me for my good lucks, winning personality, and access to all my awesome facebook content? If only? Wait a minute, I have an idea!

Unfortunately, most friendships abandon you or may even click an “I love” , yet in reality do not even read the whole message: I don’t understand why but many of my so called friends rarely read anything I post on facebook, let alone take the time to reply or comment.

So, I have decided to publish this message today to show support to a friend who like me, also knows a special person who fought until the end with firmness, and energy, and has taught us to live each day as if it was the happiest day!: So I have decided to post this message to test each and every one of you. Determine who actually cares about me and who does not. I will use the guise of giving a shit about some nobody dying of a horrible disease as a cover story. They’ll never know. Those fools, they think they can act like they are my friends and I wont find out, they have no idea who they’re messing with, they will get their comeuppance this very day.

I will look for those who have taken the time to read this post right to the end. Consider it a little test if you will, just to see who reads and who shares without reading!!!: Fuck it, they are so damn stupid. I may as well just go ahead and admit what I’m up to. Id guess 90%+ of my so called friends can barely read beyond the third grade level. Most likely almost all of them quit after the first three words. I tried to use shit grammar and low difficulty words but when you have dummies of this magnitude as friends you practically need to write in baby language. Googoo gaga, googoo,ga, dada…lol, dipshits. Shares without reading, I should have said shares without staring at screen and drooling on self while watching Dr. Phil in their PJs at 1 o clock in the afternoon on a tuesday cause they have no job.

So, If you have read to this point, go ahead and select “like” now: Do it, do it now, if you don’t you are no longer my friend and I will be so sad.

Cancer is very invasive and destructive to our bodies, even after you have finished the treatment, the body continues to fight with himself, and trying to rebuild all the damage caused by radiation. It’s a very long process: Not as long as the process of kissing my ass will have to be if you ever hope to regain my trust as a friend if I don’t see the shit I am asking for in the comments from each and every one of you assholes.

Please, in honor of your family member or a friend who has died, or is fighting cancer, or even survived cancer, or is healed; copy and paste this text to your page: Either copy and paste this text to your page or copy and paste your ass to the curb because that is where you will be kicked.

Everyone is quick to say: “if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me, I’ll be there for you”. but few take the time to even read what their friends have actually written. Please don’t share this, but if you would like to copy it and post on your wall in honor of a loved one, then I will know who of my friends I can count on: There, I just said it again, exactly why I am doing this. Straight the fuck up honesty bitches, that’s what I’m about, what are you about? That’s right Diane you heard me, I said honesty, not the kind that gives my boyfriend Kevin a blowjob in the back of his van because she gets too drunk one night and then lies about it to my face like the bitch whore you are

😄 Write “done” in the comments when you do, and If you have made it to the end of this message…. know that I am grateful for your friendship. I have way too many friends battling this awful disease!: That about wraps it up, another sweet facebook post and I am out for the night. Everyone sure is lucky to have me as a friend. Wish I could say the same about all of them. I won’t forget what you did Diane, ever, slut.

humor
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About the Creator

Everyday Junglist

Practicing mage of the natural sciences (Ph.D. micro/mol bio), Thought middle manager, Everyday Junglist, Boulderer, Cat lover, No tie shoelace user, Humorist, Argan oil aficionado. Occasional LinkedIn & Facebook user

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