"Do you regret marrying your husband?" A sentence in the comments section reveals the true side of marriage

There has been a popular topic on the Internet:

Do you regret marrying your current husband?

The comments section was full of opinions, with countless people in marriages sharing their opinions.

Scrolling through the posts, most of the expressions point to one answer --

I regret it.

Some people complain that their husband is not promising, can not earn money, harm themselves and children hardship;

Some people complain that their daughter-in-law is not virtuous, the family is not messy, but also always lose his temper.

Scroll through the history of their relationship and you'll see:

In the eyes of young men and girls should be like fairy tale feelings, but in the middle age after the pressure, become ferocious.

So why do we get married if we're going to regret it?

What are we talking about when we talk about marriage?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~①~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I regret it.

I regret falling in love and getting married early. I was carried away by love."

This is from a woman who has been married for four years and just had a baby.

Her love has gone through a lot of ups and downs.

When we first met, her boyfriend was a great love interest and did everything she asked for.

She thought she had found the best man in the world.

Little did I know, after marriage, everything changed.

Since the two homes were far apart, the girl left home and went to live with the boy.

She understands that "the union of two" has since become "the union of two families," so a lot of the time, compromise.

However, the compromise again and again, in return for not the understanding of the parents-in-law.

It's that they're getting worse.

And it escalated to a climax when the girl gave birth.

The baby was born by caesarean section. When the baby was born, the mother-in-law was happy to hold the grandson while the husband went to sign all kinds of formalities.

And she, wheeled out of the operating room and back into the bed, no one cared.

In confinement, because the milk is not good, the mother-in-law always blame her, blame her lack of milk, she can not take care of the child, let the eldest grandson grow so small.

Even when she caught a cold, she received criticism instead of care. Complaining about her cold, afraid she might give it to the baby.

At first, she fought back a few times.

But whenever this time, her in-laws will say that she is rebellious, not respect the old, sorry to eat his meal.

Her in-laws even deprived her of the right to take care of her children.

Only when she was nursing would she put the baby in her arms.

At other times, she was either invisible, unnoticed;

Or like a muppet, in-laws say east, she can't go west.

And the man who said he would "protect her for the rest of her life" when she fell in love disappeared.

He put on a "I say the family" attitude, forcing his wife had to bow before the old man again and again.

In just two years, the woman has never been wronged in her life.

"It hurts me too."

"I can't take care of a child, but since the child was born, one of you let me take care of a child."

"I can't do your farm work, but when I cook and wash, which one of you has seen me?"

What makes her sad is that her husband is in the mud all the time.

It's not just her relationship with her in-laws.

And sit on the sidelines while she plans her future, unconcerned.

Even when she is sad, tired, have emotions to vent, received only a sentence from her husband

"Why are you so busy? You talk too much."

How do you think a marriage like this will work?

How could a woman not regret a marriage like this?

She wrote her story because she wanted to tell girls before marriage:

Before marriage, be sure to go to the other person's home, see his parents personality and get along with the way.

Otherwise, to marry a husband like her, only to swallow all the pain.

"The person you marry must be chosen carefully."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~②~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reality never seems to get our way.

Many marriages, even if you carefully examine each other's character, inquire into each other's family circumstances.

But once you get married, you will find that a lot of things have changed.

"Weekend Parents", Yu Zhiyuan and Zhao Jiani love, make countless people sigh.

Before marriage, they both thought the other was the love of their lives and ignored their parents' objections to start a family.

Unexpectedly, married life makes two people in a hurry.

First, the helplessness of the child.

They both work and have no time to take care of their children.

They had no choice but to leave the child at their grandmother's house temporarily, taking care of her during the weekdays and returning to their own home on weekends.

Such a long period of estrangement is constantly pulling away from their relationship with their children.

Zhao knows nothing about her son, who is not close to his "awkward" mother.

This became a thorn in Zhao Jiani's heart, poking her from time to time.

Second, there is the economic burden.

After years of marriage, they had been unable to buy a home of their own because of financial difficulties.

Add to that the gas bills, the property bills, the credit card bills, the kids' interest classes.

There are old people to support and children to take care of.

Both of them are burdened with financial burdens that cannot be lifted.

When the promise of staying together, lost to the triviality of firewood, rice, oil and salt.

When the bills in her hand, the difficulties at work and the neglect of her children came one after another, Zhao Jiani couldn't help herself.

She was so hysterical that she shouted to her husband:

'I said I was sorry!

I should never have married a man without any responsibility!

I should marry a man who can make life easier for me and my children.

I should have listened to my parents. I should have married a man with a car and a house, so I wouldn't have made my baby a weekend baby when he was born.

I wouldn't have worked my ass off and I couldn't afford a house.

I don't have to. When I begged my mother-in-law to sell the house, my husband didn't even say a word for me.

What is the use of love, love does not care what use!

You love me, and I love you for what you've done for me, but I've got nothing."

Words, I do not know how many women's voice, and how many men helpless.

There is no doubt that when a marriage is too weak to bear the pressure of reality, we inevitably lose control of our emotions.

Reproachful words came out of his mouth, and thoughts of divorce rose irresistibly.

As if this marriage, we failed to become a better oneself, but in the constant kill, become a haggle, angry people.

So, we began to look back, more than once to think, if only a different person married.

No longer blindly follow love, but to find a car has a house, the economy is better, now life will be a little better?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~③~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reality, is never for a person, for a road, can solve all the problems in life.

Some marriages, although they seem to be good, beautiful, wealthy.

But when you really get into it, you'll find that it's also riddled with holes.

My classmate, Lena, fell in love when she was in college.

Although the condition of the boy is not very good, but very aspirant, she is also every kind of care.

Who knows? When it came time to meet her parents, they just said no.

They say they have only one baby girl and they want to hold her in their hands at all times.

Because she cared about her parents' feelings, she broke up with her boyfriend reluctantly and followed her parents' arrangement to marry a local boy who knew her well through a blind date.

The boy's family, which was engaged in real estate in the early years, was rich.

The parents thought that their daughter would not be bullied now.

But last year's class reunion, Lena admitted that she was not happy at all.

They get married on blind dates, suitable but with little emotional basis.

She thought it wouldn't be so hard to cultivate a relationship because they were all in the same place and her parents knew each other.

Unexpectedly, not long after the marriage, the husband because of busy work, to travel, went to other places.

A month's time to get back is numbered.

Although she knows, her husband is to recognize their own, but not good at expressing emotions.

However, the life of many years together makes her feel depressed, and the idea of cultivating a relationship with her husband gradually fades.

It was even harder for her to accept that her mother-in-law was always pushing her to get pregnant.

"If you marry into our family, you will have more children. We can afford them anyway."

Every morning and evening, he would bring her a bowl of medicine, saying that it was the best for pregnancy;

She took away her toiletries and high heels, saying it wasn't good for the baby.

At times like these, she wondered if she was just a fertility tool for the family.

It was also at this time that she thought of the old boyfriend who would buy her breakfast in college and put a coat on her in the chill of a late night.

In the dead of night she would regret:

Why did I listen to my parents' arrangement and marry such a man?

Why can't insist insist, to chase their true love.

Looking at her experience, I understand those words even more:

There is a painful truth in this world: No matter who you marry, you will regret it.

In this life, no matter what you choose, you have to give up something.

Because this is the reality:

"Those who have money have no time; those who have time have no money;

The temptation to look good, ugly themselves and look up;

Honest people you think boring, interesting people you think more lazy.

Even if you marry the one you love, how long can you love him?

Those who are happily married don't find the right person, they choose to see the good in each other."

Yeah, look for the good in each other, not the bad parts.

Perhaps the best way to manage a marriage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~④~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So how do we see the good in each other?

Psychology has an answer: deliberate practice.

It's easy to do, with just two steps:

First, do not label each other

When we spend too much time with someone, we tend to label them.

For example:

He didn't get a promotion or a raise, so he just didn't make progress.

She is "lazy" for not doing the housework in time.

When we look at people with label thinking, it seems that everything they do is wrong.

We keep telling ourselves that this is who he is and that he can't change.

As a result, you will constantly quarrel over small things, too much quarrel is consuming your manager, as well as your relationship.

So you have more and more conflict, you start to doubt the marriage, question the partner.

And a good partner will learn not to look at each other through stereotypes.

The first step to improving your relationship: Remove the labels you put on your partner.

2. See small changes in the other person

A person's change, often happen in a small place.

For example, he checked in with you when he got off work today.

Or, uh, he left the trash on his way out today.

Instead of ignoring small changes, capture them and compliment them.

Tell him: Dear, this is the trace of you love me.

Only changes that receive feedback are retained, accumulated, and gradually transformed into larger changes.

When you acknowledge each other's changes, the relationship will work itself out.

I read a description once, and it was apt:

Marriage is two people going together, not down the road together, but on a path, side for each other, forward together.

You know, in this life, regret is inevitable.

When you make a choice, but the choice is not so satisfying.

What you have to do is not always regret, complain, but jump out of the mood, to do things, to tolerate, to change.

Even if you can't change the other person, at least in the process, you've made yourself a wiser and stronger person.

Encourage them together.

~end~

If you have any ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

~This is Antoine, and I hope you find pleasure in each of my articles~