Disconsolate

What a joy to be here

I consider myself part of the lucky ones recently, although at the end of this journey I'm not so sure that's what you'll be calling it.

Bouts of euphoria and melancholy lived within me for most of my teenage and early adult years. To put it bluntly, I had raging, uncontrollable mood swings with the power to completely uproot and change my life; usually for the worse after a play at impulsive ways.

I feel like I’m now playing the role of an apothecary; mixing any vitamins and supplements I could with the elixir holding my life together anew.

The three modalities of awakened doing, or the three pillars of happiness as I like to refer to them as, include

1. acceptance,
2. enjoyment, and
3. enthusiasm for the present moment.

Introduced by Norman Vincent Peale, these principles have stuck with me through my personal gates of hell, and continue to fuel my optimistic spirit while the trajectory changes from destitute to blessed suddenly.

Just as an eagle spreads its wings and soars to leave its mothers' nest, I too let my moods run free and hope my support is there to catch me when I resist; blissfully ignorant of this mishap until presence requires changing.

Anxious overthinking plagues weary minds of the misfits raised by inconspicuous role models, looking UP to teachers, employers and the attractive sex instead of their parents or guardians.

As a brand new chick hatching from the nest it was laid in, shifting resting places seemed to do the trick. Surroundings of the home changed to peace and serenity, along with a regime of strict discipline filled with purpose and play to promote joy instead.

Guilt and shame fill the cup of regret as of late, a sign that good things are coming, once rotten bonds break and mindsets age again. A chance to start fresh with those I cherish most is what this new journey looks to do as positive influences shape assertive new moods.

Patience and persistence

Without the heartache and pain caused in the former years of life prior to 23, the passion for life would not be lit aflame within. God may have saved the soul, but the dreams instilled within this spirit keep me from breaking apart and succumbing to defeat.

A desire to change the world subliminally was achieved as I surpass three years since that daunting experience.

Only after a decade of labour and feeling late did the best years of life expect positivity. Early morning grinding on the [computer] keys at 4 AM, skipping coffee for tea and exercising while trading in salty treats for crackers and veggies with cheese has proved myself ready for this new year.

As spring comes to an early beginning here in North America, a new version emerges with upgrades cooking while the mind was hibernating the season prior to it. As passion and patient persistence pay off and I look ahead, the way UP is seen with forward being the momentum pushing.

Lifetimes of tinted regret are no match for the decade of stories and lessons to unwrap, all for next generations to listen and forget.

Trust the process and remember -

It's never too late to start up again

~

Copyright © 2024 by Kalina Bethany. All rights reserved.

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