Couple breakups: solve them to grow

Couple breakups are one of the most intense and unpleasant situations in our lives, which cause us psychological discomfort, anxiety, discouragement and even a feeling of lack of meaning or purpose. When we live that experience we feel like we are in a limbo and we don't know how to move forward or separate ourselves from those feelings of discomfort. Why is it so intense? And above all... How could you manage it so that it does not condition your future?

Although we usually relate Psychology to anxiety, discouragement or clinical problems, in reality a breakup of a couple is one of the most common reasons for requesting a psychological session and beginning a process of personal change. Anxiety, anguish or confusion do not come into our lives for free, but rather some event leads us to them. However, the problem is not in those sensations, but in how you manage them.

In this article we are going to delve into why breakups are so painful and intense, what are the psychological factors involved, and above all, how you can learn to manage these sensations to live a process of personal change where your well-being depends mainly on you. and your future relationships will not be affected by this experience.

My name is Rubén Camacho, a psychologist and Human Empowerment coach , and everything I am going to tell you in this article is based on my real experience accompanying people in their processes of change. In these processes we have the evidence of Psychology, but also with the pragmatism of coaching, so that you can achieve changes quickly, in a practical and stable way.

why breakups are so hard

Relationships are one of the most special experiences of our lives, but also one of the most difficult to manage. In a couple relationship we find a unique bond and a well-being that we long to feel and live... but that we cannot control. The well-being that we feel in a relationship is uncontrollable because it does not depend on your decisions, but on endless factors outside of you. Hence, in relationships a kind of ego struggle arises over time , which leads us to develop fear, insecurity, or depending on the conflicts that arise, jealousy, anger or anxiety.

When we experience a breakup we feel that we have lost control of our well-being, fear invades us and an anxious picture develops. Anxiety is a fear that has become widespread, like a constant state of alertness. Anxiety, in turn, is totally related to the way you breathe .

Anxious breathing is rapid, shallow, so that the diaphragm often hits the pit of the stomach (hence that unpleasant feeling in the chest). The rest of the symptoms are a consequence: eating problems, lack of appetite, heartburn, difficulty falling asleep, intrusive thoughts (constantly thinking about the other person, looking for contact, searching social networks), etc.

A breakup will always be an unpleasant experience that mobilizes us and changes our routines. If we don't know how to manage the situation, it leaves us with harmful lessons for the future (distrust, lack of motivation in relationships of any kind, or, on the contrary, living with the need to have a partner for fear of loneliness).

However, if you learn to manage this situation, that learning will be the opposite : it will help you build well-being and generate more positive relationships in the future. Let's go for the four keys to achieve it.

The changes necessary to overcome the breakup in a positive way

The unpleasant sensations of breakups are natural and can also be useful, since they help us to get to know each other, to overcome difficulties that we encounter in the relationship, and that everything is through your own personal change (which will positively influence the rest of you). of plots of your life).

To better manage this situation and for it to be a valuable lesson for the future, we need to address four lessons.

First: respiratory mechanics

On the surface, it's the breakup that's causing your anxiety, but it's actually the way you breathe . A rapid and shallow breath will affect you in a psychological, emotional and organic sense (harming your health). In this sense, it is essential to learn to breathe fully, so that you can reduce the intensity of anxiety. This will allow you to gain peace of mind, be able to rest better and focus on the change you need. It is an essential step and the first, and unfortunately it is forgotten (the increase in the consumption of anxiolytics distances us from these valuable lessons).

Learning to breathe will focus on your well-being, reduce the consequences and symptoms of anxiety, and allow you to build well-being. Any process or change that we try to achieve without working with this part will remain incomplete (which causes problems to return over time)

Second: learn to understand and manage your emotions

In a break we feel emotions, which condition your day to day life, your decisions and thoughts. But the problem is not in those emotions, but in how you are managing them . Learning to manage them will allow you to get to know yourself and make you generate more acceptance, security and trust.

Third: build self-esteem

Self-esteem is not high or low, but it works for you or it doesn't. Your self-esteem works when your well-being depends mainly on you, your actions, your decisions, your routine and your day to day life. It is common that when faced with problems when it comes to focusing on relationships, we forget to build that well-being and give in too much to the relationship. As paradoxical as it may seem, giving so much importance to the relationship is deteriorating more and more. Learning to build self-esteem implies that your well-being depends on you. We achieve this with a concrete action plan that will lead you to that change safely.

Lastly: deepen your approach and vision on relationships

When breakups are so painful it's the focus that was failing . If your well-being, security and stability depended on a relationship, it is common to feel anxiety and insecurity (since we cannot control what happens in that relationship). Changing your view of relationships is what will help you build them in a positive way.

conclusion

In a broken state we feel there is no way out. However, that way out is in your own change, right in the great possibility that we don't see. With a process of change with expert company, you learn to see that part of you that was somewhat asleep and that needs to wake up to live with well-being, both with yourself and with your relationships (with or without a partner).