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This situation has nothing to do with why I had to believe Kenan's words at that time, but rather what made Kenan suddenly change when he was someone who loved and cared for me so much.

"How is it? What did he say?" Mischa, my sister, asked with a bewildered expression. I shook my head slowly.

"He loves his mother too much," I answered, trying to calm Alisha, my little baby whom I was breastfeeding.

"But you're his wife, Mikha," Mischa said with wide eyes. She didn't like my slow and indecisive attitude. Mischa was always nagging at me to honestly express my feelings in front of my husband. However, I couldn't do that if it only made my relationship with Kenan worse.

"Why? Are you worried about your marriage?" Once again, Mischa prodded me with a question. I shook my head slowly.

"Liar!" she said firmly.

I took a deep breath. It felt suffocating. How foolish I was. I told Mischa some of my problems, but I didn't assert them when she asked for details. If I didn't want to disclose the issues, I didn't need to say anything to Mischa in the first place. Right now, I was only making Mischa emotional.

"Mikha, listen to me. What are you looking for? Happiness, right? But why don't you let go of the suffering when you can?"

"What should I do?"

"Assert to your mother-in-law that you cannot continue living the way she wants."

I fell silent. Mischa spoke with bloodshot eyes. If she could be me, surely all her problems would be resolved in an instant.

"It's not that easy, Mischa," I said softly.

"What's not easy?"

Once again, I didn't know how to answer.

"Is it hard to speak to that old woman?" Mischa's statement made me look at her. Even though my mother-in-law treated me poorly, I still didn't have any feelings or thoughts to call her by unpleasant names.

"Mischa, you can't keep going like this."

"I know, Sis."

"So why don't you do something about it?"

"I have to think about it again."

Now it was Mischa's turn to breathe deeply. I was hopeless to her. Moreover, she was greatly disappointed because she also opposed our father and mother so that I could marry Kenan. She regretted her own choice, just like I felt the same way.

Mischa got up from her seat and walked towards the balcony with her arms folded as if she was thinking about the best strategy to solve the problem. Alisha was already asleep. I carefully lifted her small body and laid her on Mischa's bed.

This little baby is so sweet. I like how she smiles and responds to our teasing with gentle nods or shakes of her head. Yes, Alisha is the reason why I want to keep going, after a few years ago when I lost hope for life.

"Sorry if I bother you by talking about these problems. I will try to find a solution quickly. I hope Sister understands that... yes, it's true that I'm under a lot of pressure. But, on the other hand, I still want to maintain my relationship with my husband. Because no matter what, Alisha needs her father, Sister."

Mischa fell silent as if digesting my words. As fellow women, I believed she would understand well.

"Okay then. That's your decision. But don't forget to ask for help from me if you need anything."

I nodded and smiled as I heard her. When I talked to Mischa, I didn't really expect a solution because I already knew what I had to do. I just wanted to be embraced and encouraged by her, so I could be sure of what was in my mind. So that I could confidently move forward.

Every time we argue or discuss, Kenan always defends his mother. Even though his eyes and heart know that I am the one who is greatly disadvantaged, Kenan still justifies his mother. I feel like I have become someone else in Kenan's life. I have to sacrifice my own mental health to keep his mother happy. I have done it many times, and I feel tired. I want to stop pretending like this.

In the end, I consider all of this as a game of life. Maybe, this problem is a test that I have to overcome in order to have a more meaningful life in the future. I always fill my mind with assumptions like this. Whatever it is, nothing is always easy. There will always be difficult and overwhelming times that lead humans to become stronger and more empowered.

I miss my mother.