pregnancy
Growing your family, one baby bump at a time. All about the ups and downs of nature's 9 month miracle.
Post Natal Depression
I was 18 when I fell pregnant, I remember calling my dad to tell him and he hung up on me. I was gutted, my father was like "you are too young to be a mum" says him who had me at age 15. He did come around eventually but his disappointment in me remained. I was happy though and felt ready to be a mum regardless of what others thought. I eventually went into labour 1 week late, Kyle was born at 1:01 am weighing 6lb 4oz. He was perfect and all mine. I had to get a C section as Kyle became distressed this left me having to spend a week in hospital with a catheter. Once home we settled into a routine, I was scared don't get me wrong not having the nurse on hand made me anxious this little bundle of joy relied upon me heavily to meet all his needs and I preyed I was good enough for him. When Kyle was 8 weeks old I was diagnosed with Post-natal depression, the baby blues is what they called it. I felt like a failure, I became very down stopped going outside as my anxiety was through the roof. I was commenced on anti depressants and they did help slightly. When Kyle was 6 months old I left his dad as he was abusive and punched me in the face, I had a life watching my mother being beat up my child was not being exposed to that ever! Leaving him wasn't easy, my depression lifted a bit and I began to feel better. I met someone new he was 18 and I was 21 at the time. We began a relationship and life went on, I fell pregnant again when Kyle was 10 years old, I know a 10 year age gap what was I thinking! Duncan was not happy about the pregnancy he was 28 and loved going out every night he said a baby would destroy his life. He asked me to have an abortion I firmly said "NO" "I am having this baby". Our relationship began to break down, Duncan was going out more and more and I just felt so alone and worthless. Cameron was eventually born, Duncan was very supportive during the labour he surprised me a bit. I had a natural birth with Cammy (Cameron) but it was horrific due to my tail bone being broken by my step dad when I was 11 years old, he kicked me with steel toe cap boots and broke my bone. The xray showed my bone pertruding outwards. As Cammy came down the birth canal he broke my tail bone again and my bladder was bruised. I have never felt pain like this in my life I could not move a muscle pain gripped me at every movement, the nurses looked at me "you shouldn't be in that much pain" I was... I really really was, it felt like someone had stuffed 2 bricks up my bum and sewed it shut. Once I eventually got on my feet we left for home, I had to kneel on the car seat as I could not sit down it was far too painful. Going to the toilet really hurt I had to get 14 stitches so passing urine was impossible I had to stand in the shower with cold water running it was the only way I copd with the pain. Duncan continued to go out every night and left me to deal with Cammy on my own, I was bleeding heavily and just didn't feel well. My mood began to dip... I was diagnosed with Post natal depression again but this time it was much worse. Duncan's mum came for a visit one day and I was crawling around the floor as I had no strength and I was breathless, I went to hospital my iron was low so I was commenced on high dose iron tablets 3 times per day and I had bloods done fortnightly. Duncan began to be abusive towards me his words were cruel he made me feel like a nothing, he had no understanding of what I was going through at all. I began to feel no good and that everyone would benefit if I wasn't here. My thoughts were dark and they were consuming me. I had Cammy into a routine, one morning I put Cammy's coat on and put him in his pram I put my coat on and opened the door, then a huge wave of anxiety came across me I closed the door and sat on the stair I put my head in my hands and cried hard! I felt no good, I felt worthless and useless. I made the choice to end my life. I know a bit extreme but let me tell you Post natal depression is serious it is a dark dark place at times. I gave Cammy his bottle got him changed and settled him into his little cushion, he was safe. Duncan got in from work aroud 5pm and Cammy always slept for a cople of hours at this time. I went up to my room, I pushed my drawers in front of the door, got the tie off my dressing gown tied it to the light fitting and used the step ladders to stand on. I got up on the laddder gave a large sigh and put it around my neck, I kicked the step ladder away and a sharp tug hit my throat, it burned and them it stopped as I fell crashing to the floor again I cried hard. It wasn't my time. I got up and pretended nothing happened. It was nearing xmas time, I chose to stay at home that day and I didn't open my present until Jan and that was onky because Duncan was nipping my ear about opening them. I just wasn't in the mood. My depression started to life when Cammy was 9 months old, my relationship still had issues and we eventually broke up 15 years we were together. Sadly he ended hi life not long after this and so this has left Cammy without a dad and it effects him, it breaks my heart to see how broken his wee heart is. For people who have got or who is living with someone with this horrible condition. We just need support and a hug that tells us everything will be okay. We need to be able to feel and not made to feel guilty for feeling down all the time, believe me no one chooses to be down there is always a reason. It will test people's relationships and it will test you as a person. I am trying for another baby... I have met a wonderful man. Am I scared about post natal depression... honestly I was but now I am in a better frame of mind and feel strong enough, and if I do I know my partner has my back and he has the most wonderful understanding, he is perfect in every way to me and for me, he is my soulmate. Cammy is now 10 I know!! age gaps lol. I feel stronger tha never now and in a more positive frame of mind, post natal depression is debilitating for the peope who have it and its stressful for the person who has to live with it but with support and love it can be overcome. I wil have to have another C section as Cammy's birth really traumatised me, I would rather have 10 C sections than a natural birth, 21 weeks it took me to sit on my bum it was the most pain I have ever been in much much worse than the labour itself. My fellow warriors stay strong and stay safe.
Michelle KingPublished about 6 hours ago in FamiliesThe Mother-hood:
Dina sighed heavily. She plopped down on the couch in my office and immediately pulled off her light silk scarf. She'd had several sessions with me and I knew that her baby was due in about a month.
Michelle NoblePublished 2 days ago in Families
Mama
I feel weak. It’s not like the weakness you feel when you’re about to pass out. Rather, it’s the weakness of not doing enough; not being enough. I have no energy, yet it’s 3 am and I’m wide awake. My eyes were open before I heard her cries. Instinct? Maybe. But it doesn’t make it any easier for me to get out of bed. There’s a guilt that forms in the pit of my stomach as I slowly make my way to her bedroom followed by the feeling of resentment. Am I resenting myself for feeling like this when all I ever wanted was her? Or am I resenting her? Either way, I hate feeling like this, and I shouldn’t feel like this, but it’s hard to see past the looming dark cloud that’s been hanging over my head for nine months now.
Nicole LovellPublished 5 days ago in Families
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A thirty six year old woman, waddling around with minimal energy, a mountain of extra chub and a little less patience… Yes, this is me at present. After seventeen years, I’m now having another bash at pregnancy having found my life partner. A huge age gap between children, you may believe, but, a blessing nevertheless.
Home truths
I’m not going to lie. Giving birth was one of the most painful experiences of my life. After my first-born arrived, I vehemently declared that I would NEVER do that again. I had been in agony for 48 hours as my baby slowly slithered out of me. Back and forth she went with each contraction, carving her way through my birth canal. When the final, triumphant moment arrived, my anguish topped the Richter scale it was that earth-shatteringly excruciating. A daughter! Hannah Rose was finally here.
Barbara DaltonPublished 8 days ago in Families
A.I. party leads to SCIFI twins
I had never really wanted kids until my Oncologist told me one of my medications could make me infertile. A rush of hot tears cascaded down my face. But what can you do when you need that drug to live. In that moment I felt loss. A grief for something I hadn't realized I wanted. And now I wanted it badly. Perhaps because she said I couldn't.
Emily HughesPublished 8 days ago in Families
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As an intro to this article, I want to honour all Mothers, no matter how they have birthed their children. This is a different perspective, which is the subjective opinion of the parents of a beautiful baby who made the conscious choice to birth in a non medicalised way.
Luke MillerPublished 8 days ago in Families
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Everything about the decision was risky. In the few years following graduation, Cheyenne had built experience in various spheres of the non-profit sector; she had tackled sizable projects in the communications and marketing spheres; she even became a freelancer and a doula. Yet, as a young, black female, she had quickly grown aware of the obstacles that stood between her and the impact she longed to make. After trying to break through in established non-profits, she was about to take a bold step on her own.
Paul GrangerPublished 11 days ago in Families
Repeating my mother’s mistake.
I’ll never forget the summer of 2008. I had just graduated from highschool and thought my life was all planned out. I had submitted all of my college applications and knew my life was just beginning. I’d never been a rebel in school. I didn’t underage drink. I didn’t try any drugs, but I was guilty of one thing - sex!
Chanel ZuegerPublished 14 days ago in Families
Being Diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Pregnancy is not a walk in the park. I don't know who said that Pregnancy is easy, because it's not. One of the first symptoms most women will get during their first trimester is the dreaded "Morning Sickness" but for people like me, it's more like all day sickness, 24/7 sickness.
Vennessa Jane PerryPublished 14 days ago in FamiliesNo More Mad Mommy
There I sat, in my down town apartment, tears streaming down my face because of the pain. My everything hurt. My heart, my head, my body. I had lost all interest in anything that brought me joy. I was miserably, despairingly, and inexplicably SAD, CONFUSED and MAD.
Alice Knight-HawkPublished 16 days ago in FamiliesWaiting for Charlotte Rose
His palms were sweaty. That was what she noticed. They left a trail of thin residue over the taught swell of her stomach as she turned away from him in the bed, hoping to ease the ache in her lower back against his own abdomen. “She’s on the move again…” he murmured and splayed his fingers to better feel. “She’s a wriggler,” she responded, and arched her back the better to get some respite from the gnawing sensation of dulled, aching pain. “She’s constantly on the move – just like her daddy.”
Emily McRaePublished 17 days ago in Families
