How to Prepare for Your Surrogacy Match Meeting

Choosing to become a surrogate—or finding the person who will help grow your family— is a deeply personal decision. That’s why finding the right surrogacy match is such an important part of the surrogacy process. Meeting a potential surrogate or intended parent for the first time is an exciting milestone, and feeling a little nervous is completely normal.

You may find yourself wondering:

• What if I say the wrong thing?

• What questions should I ask?

• What if we don’t connect?

The good news is that a surrogacy match meeting isn’t an interview, it’s a conversation. It’s an opportunity for intended parents and a potential surrogate to get to know one another, discuss expectations, and determine whether the match feels right for everyone involved.

Here’s what to expect and how to prepare for a successful surrogacy match meeting.

What Is a Surrogacy Match Meeting?

A surrogacy match meeting is an opportunity for intended parents and a potential surrogate—and their partner, if applicable—to connect virtually.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s compatibility.

During the meeting, you’ll discuss your hopes for the journey, communication preferences, and expectations for the months ahead. You’ll also have an opportunity to ask questions and learn more about each other’s personalities, values, and goals.

It’s perfectly normal for there to be a few awkward moments at first. Most conversations become much more natural within the first several minutes. Sharing a little about your life, your hobbies, or even the little things that make you smile can help break the ice and build a genuine connection.

It is important to know you’re not navigating the conversation alone. Your dedicated Match Expert facilitates the meeting, helping guide the discussion, answer questions, keep the conversation flowing, and ensure everyone feels comfortable every step of the way. The meeting is one important milestone within our Matching Matters™ process.

Choosing the right match is a shared decision. Afterward, both parties take time to reflect and decide whether they would like to move forward together. When everyone agrees, the match is officially confirmed and the next phase of the surrogacy process begins. 

How Matching Matters™ Sets the Stage for Success

A successful match meeting begins weeks before introductions are ever made.

At ConceiveAbilities, meaningful matches don’t happen by chance—they’re built through our Matching Matters™ process. For both surrogates and intended parents, the process starts with thoughtful, in-depth conversations to understand who they are, their goals, preferences, and expectations.

Before anyone is introduced, both the surrogate and the intended parents meet individually with dedicated Match Experts who take the time to understand the whole person—not just the logistics of the journey. The first stage of our Matching Matters™ process is an in-depth discovery exercise designed to get beyond the basics. Through guided, one-on-one conversations, we gain a deeper understanding of each person’s communication style, values, relationship preferences, and vision for the journey ahead.

We don’t just ask what intended parents and surrogates want—we take the time to understand why those preferences matter and the experiences, priorities, and values that shape them. Those deeper insights are often what make the difference between a good match and a great one.

Armed with this understanding, our matching team carefully identifies the most compatible partnership—one designed to foster trust, open communication, and a successful surrogacy journey from the very beginning. When evaluating compatibility, we thoughtfully consider factors including:

• Personality and communication style

• Medical criteria

• Legal considerations

• Lifestyle compatibility

• Shared values, expectations, and relationship preferences

This comprehensive approach also includes medical and psychological screening to help ensure everyone is prepared for a safe, supported surrogacy journey.”

The result is a thoughtful, proven matching process in which 97% of intended parents and surrogates choose to move forward together after their first meeting, helping families and surrogates begin their journeys with confidence while minimizing delays and unexpected challenges.

Questions Your Match Expert May Ask Before Your Match Meeting

Before meeting, you’ll work closely with a Match Expert who will help build a complete picture of your family and your goals. Together, you will discuss thought-provoking topics, such as: 

• Your family and background

• Why you’re pursuing surrogacy

• Your hopes for the journey

• Communication preferences

• Medical considerations

• Legal preferences

• Important reproductive decisions

Some of these conversations can feel deeply personal, but honesty is essential. The more openly everyone communicates from the beginning, the stronger the foundation for a successful partnership. 

By understanding not only what matters most to you, but also why it matters, your Match Expert can identify the most compatible match—one built on shared expectations, trust, and long-term compatibility.

Questions to Ask Your Potential Surrogate or Intended Parents

One of the best ways to prepare for a match meeting is to think about what matters most to you.

Consider your preferences around:

• Communication style

• Pregnancy expectations

• Relationship boundaries

• Values and decision-making

• Involvement during appointments and milestones

Questions to Ask During Your Surrogacy Match Meeting

Communication

• How often would you like to communicate during the pregnancy?

• Do you prefer texting, phone calls, or another form of communication?

• How would you like to handle important or time-sensitive decisions?

Appointments and pregnancy

• How involved would you like to be in appointments?

• What are your expectations around ultrasounds and other milestones?

• How would you like to stay updated between appointments?

Relationship

• What kind of relationship do you hope to have during the pregnancy?

• Would you like to stay connected after delivery?

• Are there boundaries that are particularly important to you?

Birth and postpartum

• What does communication look like immediately after delivery?

• What are your hopes for the birth experience?

• How would you like to approach hospital communication?

Remember, your potential surrogate or intended parent will likely have questions for you as well. They may want to learn more about your family, your reasons for pursuing surrogacy, and how you envision the relationship throughout the journey.

The goal isn’t to find someone exactly like you. It’s to find someone whose expectations and approach align with yours.

Most intended parents and surrogates arrive at the match meeting feeling a combination of nerves and excitement, and that’s perfectly normal. People are often surprised by how quickly those nerves subside and how naturally the conversation unfolds. While a match meeting is meant to confirm alignment on important topics, it’s also an opportunity for everyone to connect and get to know each other as people.

Some of my favorite match meetings are the ones where I’ve had to guide everyone back to the agenda because they were sidetracked by their natural connection, laughing and talking about their shared interests. Showing up authentically is what allows both intended parents and surrogates to feel comfortable and confident in partnering together for the journey ahead.

Why Communication Matters

Strong communication is one of the most important factors in a successful surrogacy experience.

As ConceiveAbilities Founder Nazca Fontes explains:

“We create matches that work across all dimensions of the surrogacy journey – from lifestyle, to health, to communication style. Our attention to detail and experience makes all the difference.”

Every match is unique. Some intended parents and surrogates communicate frequently through texts, emails, and phone calls. Others prefer updates around major milestones and appointments.

Neither approach is right or wrong. What’s most important is establishing shared expectations from the beginning.

Throughout the journey, you’ll also have the support of a dedicated match manager who helps ensure everyone stays informed, supported, and connected.

What Happens Next: Deciding if The Match is Right for You

You will have 24 hours to accept or decline a match. This decision is entirely yours, and during this time you may ask additional questions or request clarification. 

After both parties reflect privately, your Match Expert follows up to confirm next steps. If everyone chooses to move forward, the match is officially confirmed and the journey continues with medical clearance, legal contracts, and the IVF process.

Sometimes the right decision is realizing a match isn’t the best fit—and that’s okay. Finding the right match is far more important than finding the fastest one.

If you do not choose to confirm the match, our matching team will continue working to find the right match for you.

Building the Foundation for a Successful Journey

Your surrogacy match meeting is more than a conversation—it’s the beginning of a relationship built on trust, honesty, and shared expectations. Whether you’re preparing to meet a potential surrogate or the family you hope to help, it’s natural to feel nervous. What matters most is showing up open, prepared, and willing to explore whether the connection feels right.

With thoughtful questions and the support of your Match Expert, you can move into the meeting with confidence—and a clearer sense of what the next step in your journey could be.

Whether you’re preparing to meet your future surrogate or the family you hope to help, your Match Expert will be with you every step of the way.