Caught with my pants down.
Many moons ago, I was working as a cook at a local restaurant that sat just outside a large shopping centre. I worked the dreaded split-shift so my lunch breaks tended to be between two to three hours long and not having a car at the time, I couldn’t just pop home. For anybody having worked in hospitality may know, even free food from work gets boring after a while. There was a food court in the shopping centre, nothing fancy but at least it had variety. The only advantage of having a late afternoon lunch break was the Chinese spot! They would box up what was left of the self serve and sell it mad cheap. Granted, this food had probably been sitting there at a holding temperature for several hours but it still tasted good, and it was cheap, so I ate double.
I Took That Shit All The Way To The Pew
My name is Maxwell Denny. Poor choices and skewed genetics have led to a life of utter chaos and ultimate demise. It has been said that I embody psychotic behavior, often lacking routine human emotions such as fear, love, distress, and embarrassment. But oh how the outside eye needeth put on a pair of glasses and get thy nose out of thy neighbor's anus. For one August evening would change the course of my life forever; staining my soul stale and the church pews brown, leaving me in a constant state of embarrassment that will haunt me forever.
My most embarrassing moment would be when someone put a maxi-pad to the side of my cowboy hat when I was at a party.
Brace Yourself New York!
We arrived in New York in the early hours of the morning on the 6th of August. When I woke the next morning, my knee had tripled in size and was varying shades of purples, blues and mustard yellows. The pain wasn’t that bad, and I have a pretty high pain threshold, someone as clumsy as me, has to be able to tolerate pain. The family decide to start exploring the city. We all dressed and off we went in search of Central Park Zoo, which we found out was about 20 blocks away. After 20 blocks my knee and ankle we throbbing, after a couple of hours walking through Central Park and visiting the Zoo my knee and ankle were screaming, so Glen and I headed back to the hotel, when I iced me knee, Glen propped it up with pillows making sure I was comfortable, before he went off exploring.
One Size Too Small
Can I see some I.D. please?" Out comes my purse and I graciously shower the table in the Pub with the traditional pieces of plastic that human beings carry around.
My formal apology to a random sex worker.
One winter I was in the small city of Brisbane where I'd just done a stand-up comedy show that finished late. As I walked back to my cheap, horrible hotel I decided was pretty hungry. At this point I'm elated, because my favourite burrito place is in Brisbane, so I decided to order a tasty bit of mexican food to be delivered to the hotel. The food delivery app says the food will be 20mins and then my phone goes flat. I plug my phone in to charge, and abandon everything else to fate. So I head out into the cool winter night to wait for my food. We don't really get any cooler weather in my home town so I'm chilling out, enjoying the cold and watching the steam on my breath dissipate into the night air.
The running shame
G One thing far more worse to me than my fear of snakes was fear of crowds. l was born with a nuclear level of fear of snakes and crowds and every time was near the two my body would shake with fear and soon after a moment of mental blankness. I don't know maybe it was the sudden glances of eyes for the crowds or how a single snake bite can kill a man that created these phobias. Anyway, l was still at a young age at the time, and my Zimbabwean family liked to travel around visiting tourist spots as a bonding experience for the whole family.
How I Ruined My Own Dance Recital!
In the early 2000s, I attended a performing and fine arts middle and high school. I auditioned for its art and animation program due to my interest in visual arts, and my grandmother's advice. Though I got accepted into the program, I was forced to attend the ballet classes because the school still had me registered under "Undeclared" and I needed a major in order to stay at the school. After over a month of tripping over my own feet and everyone else's, I found my way into the animation classes, which I just knew I going to love. I was wrong! My teacher was a pretentious, lunatic with a fetish for all things Disney. He was over critical of my work and did not waste time humiliating me when he got the chance. By the time eighth grade rolled around, I was the latest addition to the dance program and the newest laughing stock of the school as being a male dancer was still deemed emasculating and weak.
A little pee never hurt anybody, right?!?
Have you ever had that dream where you need to go to the bathroom so badly that you piss yourself in public? No? Really?!? Just me then, huh? Well that’s embarrassing. Imagine, if you can, what it would be like if that came true. And not just anywhere. Of course not. Imagine if it happened in HIGH SCHOOL.
The simplest things can be a source of embarrassment for youngsters. A lot of kids pick their noses. Some are more secretive at it than others. Some are blatantly open about it. I was always discreet about such things.
Spoiler: I didn't finish
No regrets. No regrets. Just tell your brutally embarrassing story and then fade into the mists of obscurity... Phew, here we go.
It Couldn't Get Worse!
I am often asked do I ever get embarrassed. Not often, because I do about a 150 million embarrassing things a day. There were a couple of days last year when I out did myself, and even I was embarrassed.