Reptile Dysfunction
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Mugshot Mayhem
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. When it comes to this Hall of Shame, it's more like a thousand hours of mandatory, court-ordered community service. Crime doesn't pay, but it certainly provides some serious entertainment. Below is a compilation I've put together with 10 of the most memorable mugshots to ever disgrace the internet, along with the hilariously ridiculous crimes they were accused of committing (and of course my asinine commentary).
By Reptile Dysfunction 3 years ago in Criminal
On The Catwalk
On any given Friday night during this extended lockdown, you can find me drinking alone in my apartment. This might sound pathetic and downright sad, and that's because it is. A far cry from my youth, I stay in and entertain myself via increasingly pitiful means these days.
By Reptile Dysfunction 3 years ago in Confessions
Dumpster Date Disaster
I was not always the goddess you see before you today. Back in high school I was a bit chubby, dawning huge dorky glasses that looked like they were a $5 grab-bin special at K-Mart. I had somewhat of a lazy eye, mom cut bangs, and zero fashion sense. I had even less social grace.
By Reptile Dysfunction 3 years ago in Confessions
Paranormal Pornstars Review
While scrolling through “TV shows we think you’ll like” on Prime Video, I did a double-take when I saw the title “Paranormal Pornstars”. Could this really be the ghost hunting reality show I’ve been waiting for? Having amassed quite the void since my beloved SyFy series Ghost Hunters finally came to an end in 2016, I was hopeful for Amazon’s recommendation. For those unfamiliar with the docuseries, it was a paranormal reality show that followed two plumbers who’s personal experiences with the afterlife triggered their moonlighting as ghostbusters. After recounting unexplainable phenomena, clients across the US would invite best friends Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson, along with their infamous team, to spend the night on their property. Setting up top of the line equipment, TAPS (the Atlantic Paranormal Society) would conduct various tests throughout the night. Aiming to debunk these frivolous claims with reasonable explanations, the team would sometimes capture evidence that actually supported them. The groundbreaking series became a hit, granting paranormal investigation the credibility it previously lacked. As is the case with most reality television, as the seasons dragged on the legitimacy of the show wore thin. Catering to the ratings, the evidence began to seem fabricated, and petty fights between cast-mates eventually took the spotlight. Even with the added drama, after 230 plus episodes the content began to stale. Instead of letting the show die with dignity, producers of course attempted a few spin-offs like “Ghost Hunters International”, that were never as good or successful.
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Filthy
Dreadlock Disaster
I used to frequent this dive bar in my 20’s that has unsurprisingly been shut down in recent years. On any given night one could never be sure what to expect, especially regarding the patrons. Ranging from rowdy underaged maritime boys to full fledged biker gang members, it was usually a gamble. Regardless of the haphazard crowd, it was always a good time. I attribute this to the fact that it offered karaoke almost every single night. There’s nothing more unifying than collectively butchering some of history’s greatest hits, all while throwing back a pint.
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Humans
Open Grave review
As the quarantine drags on quality entertainment becomes as hard to find as 2-ply toilet paper. I’m lucky in that my tolerance for B-list thrillers/horror flicks seems to be higher than the average viewer. With that being said, I had initially put this on for background noise to fall asleep. Being a low-budget movie I’ve never heard of, my expectations were inherently low. Usually these type of films are riddled with predictable plot lines, poor audio and/or visual quality and even worse acting. With critic reviews all over the place ranging from a 6.2/10 on IMDB, an 85% approval rating from Google users, to receiving a measly 13% on Rotten Tomatoes, it’s hard to know what you’re going to get. Usually one to side with the all powerful RT, this was a surprising little gem.
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Horror
Gone Fishing. Catfishing, that is.
Everyone has undoubtedly heard the age old phrase “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”. If that’s true then you can call me Stevie Wonder. Sorry Gandhi, but I’m going to have to side with Muhammad Ali on this one, “you kill my dog, you better hide your cat”. As it turns out, revenge is a dish best served with margaritas and a side of catfish.
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Humans
Quixotic Quarantine
In my lifetime I have witnessed society’s rapid transformation into a more progressive entity. For those of us who choose to go against the grain, acceptance and celebration have replaced age-old traditions of mockery and exile. Now more than ever, individuality is showcased rather than discouraged. With a vast array of differences being brought to light it’s interesting to discover there’s one attribute we all share. Uniting us across every culture and religion around the world is this deeply rooted affinity for music. Even the most isolated tribes have been found to have some form of harmonic expression.
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Beat
Tales from the Script
For anyone who’s ever held a position in customer service, you can attest to the fact that dealing with the general public is unpredictable to say the least. Having worked in one of the busiest pharmacies in one of the worst cities in my early twenties, I accrued an arsenal of hilarious and inappropriate tales.
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Journal
Kidnapped in Connecticut
Although this sounds like a catchy Lifetime Original Movie title it is in fact a cautionary tale. Nay, a warning that one should never go on a camping trip with a tinder date. Now I know a great deal of you reading this are asking yourselves “why does this need to be said?” My response to you, where were you during the summer of ‘17?
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Humans
My Boy Sid
Everyone loves to root for an underdog. Universally, they inspire hope and allow even the most cynical amongst us to believe that miracles do exist. Even if for only a brief moment in time, they serve to reestablish the unseen balance between good and evil. Between right and wrong; fair and unfair.
By Reptile Dysfunction 4 years ago in Petlife