I write from the heart
Everyone has that one friend from way back in their childhood, My mum and Jinty were friends when they both were pregnant with me and Lisa. We were friends since womb! Lisa was like a sister to me we did everythng together when we were together. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger. By the time we were 16 we had both moved out and got our own house, although in different locations we would still try and meet up when we could. When I was 19 I had my first child, a year later Lisa had her first child, we lost touch. You know how it is when, life gets in the way sometimes and we drifted apart. A good 10 years later I was standing outside a shop talking with some friends when I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and in front of me stood a girl with her back to me, "Lisa" I said loudly she turned around and we both hugged each other so hard. You see it didn't matter how much time went by me and Lisa were still very close. I got her address and I gave her mine and we began to visit each other again. A few months passed and Lisa went quiet for a while, I found out she had began a new relationship with a girl called Shazia. I was happy for her Lisa deserved to be happy like me she hadn't had the best start in life. I was out in the car one day "Woman stabbed and killed" It said over the radio I listened but took no note, later that day I got a call from Jinty. "Michelle Lisa is dead she was murdered" I dropped to my knees this can't be happenening, I felt numb. The story on the radio was my Lisa and I had no idea. They had Shazia in custody, I went to the trial and to learn what my friend went through still haunts me to this day. Shazia and Lisa had been drinking vodka and got into a fight that turned physical, Shazia got a kitchen knife stabbed it through both Lisa's knees climbed on top of her and stabbed her twice in the heart all in front of her 3 year old son. Shazia grabbed her son and left to go to her mums who then washed Shazia's clothes of Lisa's blood, Shazia's sister went back to the house she saw Lisa crawling about the floor struggling to breath, she left her called 999 but when they answered she hung the phone up. Shazia then went back 45 mins later and Lisa was alive just! she called an ambulance but Lisa died on route to the hospital. Her autopsy showed that she had been stabbed in the septum of the heart and if she had sought help earlier Lisa would still be alive today but due to Shazia leaving her to bleed out in her living room she dies on her way to hospital. Lisa's funeral came I dressed in black leggings with bright pink leg warmers as Lisa loved these. I was heart broken I had lost my best friend to murder. Shazia served 8 years but was out in 4 she is out today living her life to the full as my friends ashes sit under ground. I have lost far too many people 2 sisters and 2 best friends life can be unfair, however I live life to the full for us all they are always in my memory. As I wipe the tears from my face my message to everyone today is to live life like you want to because you never know when your time is up. Stay safe my friends Peace!
Do you mean what you say on your badge
The time came for my shift to end as a nurse, it had been a particularly tough shift and my feet were sore. I had a day off the next day so decided to head for the supermarket to get a well deserved bottle of wine and a new book. I parked my car in the closest spot I could find nearest to the supermarket, I Grabbed a basket and headed inside. The smell of fresh flowers hit me "MMmmm" I breathed in the smell. I headed for the ready meal section. I began looking for something healthy but easy, after a 12 hour shift the last thing you want to do is cook. I selected a Thai curry, try something new I thought to myself. I wandered around and grabbed a few other items. As I was doing this I noticed a man, he was looking at me in a strange way and had seem him hovering behind me since I arrived, it was starting to freak me out. I headed for the book section, I began looking at books as I was doing this I noticed the same man standing at the top of the isle looking at me, he was shifting and trying to look busy but kept glancing at me. I was really starting to feel umcomfortable by this point but I kept calm and continued looking at the book. The man came forward and headed for the book section, I was aware he was approaching but remained looking at the book pretending I was reading, I could still see him in my peripheral vision. He got closer and said "Excuse me" I looked up his eyes were wide with fear. "Yes" I replied he answered "Do you mean what you say on your badge" at first I didn't know what he was talking about but then he pointed in the direction of my keys. On there is a small plastic card with a friendship quote but on the back there was a sticker. A few months previously I had attended suicide awareness training. As a nurse you come across a vast anount of people with a multitude of issues so we need to be updated on our training. At the end of this training we were all given a certificate of completion and 2 stickers saying "suicide awareness you can talk to me" I automatically took one of the stickers and put it on this small card as I carried my keys in my hands when out and people can see it. This man noticed this sticker and was trying to find the courage to approach me. "Oh this" I said as I pointed to the sticker. he replied "Yes" Do you mean it? I said "Yes, of course are you okay?" I could see by his body language he was not okay, he was hunched and his head was down. He looked like he hadn't slept or eaten in days. I could see a tear running down his cheek. He asked if he could buy me a cup of coffee, there was a 24 hour McDonalds franchise within the supermarket so I agreed. I placed my basket at the counter and asked the lady kindly if she would keep it for me and that I would be back in a short while. She agreed, "My name is Michelle by the way" "I am John". I picked a seat and John went and ordered coffee, as a nurse I assess all the time it is second nature. I studied John's body language as he waitied for the coffee, I knew he was troubled. He came back and sat down, as I stirred my sugar into my coffee John let out a huge sigh. I had picked a seat away from people as much as possible to give him privacy to talk. He looked up at me, "I don't know what to do" he said in a quiet withdrawn tone. "My wife has left me and my business is in a lot of debt" "I have lost everything even my kids" to help him cope he had started drinking, bills were rising and his wife hated that he was drinking. His wife had enough and asked for a divorce. They had been together for over 45 years, it was his first love. He was destroyed and admitted he had considered suicide, he said "I was on my way to a bridge" "I was gonna jump" "I came in here for a bottle of champagne" "You know, to celebrate my death" I looked him dead in the eye and put a concerned hand on his and I said "You don't need to die" "You just need to adapt your behaviour to what your wife wants and if you show her that effort then she will come back to you" he looked at me and said "I'm such a failure" I said "No" "Your getting stronger". I explained to him that I was a nurse and had a feeling that something was wrong with him from the moment I walked into the shop. We chatted for over 3 hours about life, his kids, his problems. I assessed people for a living and made care plans for thousands of patients, to me he was a patient. So I gave him my honest opinion about what I thought he should do to try and fix it, the main one being to give up alcohol and seek advice from Citzen's advice for the issues with the debt regarding his business. I told him there is always a solution for every problem we are faced with in life. We eventually got up and said our goodbyes, before he left he shook my hand and said "I can't promise I will never think of suicide again but you saved my life tonight and for that I thank you" "Your welcome" I asked if I could have his number just so I could check in on him now and again to make sure he was safe. He agreed. As a nurse we have a bad habit of taking things home with us, I have stayed awake all night if I know my patients are at end of life. I just wanted him to know he had someone there if needed, I mean if I could save him from suicide once I am sure I could again. I never did hear from him again, he did enter my mind now and again I hoped he was okay. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. I loved being a nurse, we are trained in many things and it is our duty to help people in need inside and outside of work. John was also in the right place at the right time, he needed someone to listen and through 1 sticker with 1 clear message he was given that opportunity. My wine was put in the fridge for another night, I was exhausted but satisfied I was able to help someone in need, I fell asleep with a smile on my face that night.
But you look okay
I don't know about anyone else but as a sufferer of a long-term condition I hate it when poeple say "but you look okay" where inside your head you feel like both hands and feet have been clamped in a vice and the pain is terrible. I remember going into the shop once and picked up a can of juice, I had to call out to my son to take the can from me as it was too heavy, I suffer from weakness in my muscles. My son looked at me and laughed "It's only a can mum" My main symptoms of Fibromyalgia are severe fatique and widespread pain. Both are invisible and both can be very dibilitating for the person that lives with it. When I first got Fibro it was 2013, it started in my back and left hand. Trying to explain to the doctor that I had severe pain but hadn't injured myself was confusing for me not just the doctor, I was sent for tests and an MRI after everything was ruled out I was diagnosed with Fibro. Fibro is very debilitating at times for me, I have no energy and am in constant pain all day and night. But to look at me I look like a healthy 39 year old. I see comments of other people and they too complain that people say they look fine to look at but inside they are crippled with pain. Fibro has over 250 symptoms including secondary conditions such as IBS and bladder weakness. I feel in my 80's when I really should still be full of life. I hate when we park in the disabled spot, we get judemental stares as if to say she doesn't look disabled. I am!! but that does not affect my quality of life I still try my best to live a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes within society people assume just by looking at a person, this attitude needs to stop as it just adds pressure on the people who suffer, we constantly feel we need to justify ourselves because we had a day in bed or why the housework hasn't been done, its like people assume us to be lying because "we look okay!" Some of us are not okay we just put up with it because we have no choice, its part of our life and we adjust and put up with it best we can. I am sure I am not alone when I say living with a long term condition is hard enough never mind having to battle with negative comments from people around you. People with Fibro also go through periods were their symptoms may get worse or they may improve, this fluctuation in health confuses people and is subject to comments like "but you were fine yesterday" it changes each day for me, I can't plan anything due to this as I just don't know how I will be feeling on that day so I live day to day. The main message I want to convery in this article is that some people have debilitating conditions that are invisible to others, we are not making it up this is real and more understanding of this condition is so needed as care from GP to GP can be different. For example I have been told Fibro is not progressive to be told it is and to be told it isn't again by 3 different health care professionals so why are GP's so underknowledged about this condition. It needs addressed in my opinion and researched more as I believe Fibro is more debilitating than some other serious conditions such as MS etc... I am a nurse have nursed many thousands of people and I kid you not most of my patients were healthier than me. The stigma attached to invisible conditions needs to stop, just because a person looks okay doesn't mean a thing because no one knows what is going on inside that person. The "you look fine" comment probably won't stop but its important that we all be the change we want to see in the world. I never look at a person and think "you look okay" as I know first hand what it looks like to appear normal but to be battling something inside that no one can see or feel. As a society we need to consider other people and never assume by looking at people they are okay. A little consideration for others goes a long way and makes the world we live in a better place for everyone. To my fellow warriors keep fighting and stay strong. Peace!
Post Natal Depression
I was 18 when I fell pregnant, I remember calling my dad to tell him and he hung up on me. I was gutted, my father was like "you are too young to be a mum" says him who had me at age 15. He did come around eventually but his disappointment in me remained. I was happy though and felt ready to be a mum regardless of what others thought. I eventually went into labour 1 week late, Kyle was born at 1:01 am weighing 6lb 4oz. He was perfect and all mine. I had to get a C section as Kyle became distressed this left me having to spend a week in hospital with a catheter. Once home we settled into a routine, I was scared don't get me wrong not having the nurse on hand made me anxious this little bundle of joy relied upon me heavily to meet all his needs and I preyed I was good enough for him. When Kyle was 8 weeks old I was diagnosed with Post-natal depression, the baby blues is what they called it. I felt like a failure, I became very down stopped going outside as my anxiety was through the roof. I was commenced on anti depressants and they did help slightly. When Kyle was 6 months old I left his dad as he was abusive and punched me in the face, I had a life watching my mother being beat up my child was not being exposed to that ever! Leaving him wasn't easy, my depression lifted a bit and I began to feel better. I met someone new he was 18 and I was 21 at the time. We began a relationship and life went on, I fell pregnant again when Kyle was 10 years old, I know a 10 year age gap what was I thinking! Duncan was not happy about the pregnancy he was 28 and loved going out every night he said a baby would destroy his life. He asked me to have an abortion I firmly said "NO" "I am having this baby". Our relationship began to break down, Duncan was going out more and more and I just felt so alone and worthless. Cameron was eventually born, Duncan was very supportive during the labour he surprised me a bit. I had a natural birth with Cammy (Cameron) but it was horrific due to my tail bone being broken by my step dad when I was 11 years old, he kicked me with steel toe cap boots and broke my bone. The xray showed my bone pertruding outwards. As Cammy came down the birth canal he broke my tail bone again and my bladder was bruised. I have never felt pain like this in my life I could not move a muscle pain gripped me at every movement, the nurses looked at me "you shouldn't be in that much pain" I was... I really really was, it felt like someone had stuffed 2 bricks up my bum and sewed it shut. Once I eventually got on my feet we left for home, I had to kneel on the car seat as I could not sit down it was far too painful. Going to the toilet really hurt I had to get 14 stitches so passing urine was impossible I had to stand in the shower with cold water running it was the only way I copd with the pain. Duncan continued to go out every night and left me to deal with Cammy on my own, I was bleeding heavily and just didn't feel well. My mood began to dip... I was diagnosed with Post natal depression again but this time it was much worse. Duncan's mum came for a visit one day and I was crawling around the floor as I had no strength and I was breathless, I went to hospital my iron was low so I was commenced on high dose iron tablets 3 times per day and I had bloods done fortnightly. Duncan began to be abusive towards me his words were cruel he made me feel like a nothing, he had no understanding of what I was going through at all. I began to feel no good and that everyone would benefit if I wasn't here. My thoughts were dark and they were consuming me. I had Cammy into a routine, one morning I put Cammy's coat on and put him in his pram I put my coat on and opened the door, then a huge wave of anxiety came across me I closed the door and sat on the stair I put my head in my hands and cried hard! I felt no good, I felt worthless and useless. I made the choice to end my life. I know a bit extreme but let me tell you Post natal depression is serious it is a dark dark place at times. I gave Cammy his bottle got him changed and settled him into his little cushion, he was safe. Duncan got in from work aroud 5pm and Cammy always slept for a cople of hours at this time. I went up to my room, I pushed my drawers in front of the door, got the tie off my dressing gown tied it to the light fitting and used the step ladders to stand on. I got up on the laddder gave a large sigh and put it around my neck, I kicked the step ladder away and a sharp tug hit my throat, it burned and them it stopped as I fell crashing to the floor again I cried hard. It wasn't my time. I got up and pretended nothing happened. It was nearing xmas time, I chose to stay at home that day and I didn't open my present until Jan and that was onky because Duncan was nipping my ear about opening them. I just wasn't in the mood. My depression started to life when Cammy was 9 months old, my relationship still had issues and we eventually broke up 15 years we were together. Sadly he ended hi life not long after this and so this has left Cammy without a dad and it effects him, it breaks my heart to see how broken his wee heart is. For people who have got or who is living with someone with this horrible condition. We just need support and a hug that tells us everything will be okay. We need to be able to feel and not made to feel guilty for feeling down all the time, believe me no one chooses to be down there is always a reason. It will test people's relationships and it will test you as a person. I am trying for another baby... I have met a wonderful man. Am I scared about post natal depression... honestly I was but now I am in a better frame of mind and feel strong enough, and if I do I know my partner has my back and he has the most wonderful understanding, he is perfect in every way to me and for me, he is my soulmate. Cammy is now 10 I know!! age gaps lol. I feel stronger tha never now and in a more positive frame of mind, post natal depression is debilitating for the peope who have it and its stressful for the person who has to live with it but with support and love it can be overcome. I wil have to have another C section as Cammy's birth really traumatised me, I would rather have 10 C sections than a natural birth, 21 weeks it took me to sit on my bum it was the most pain I have ever been in much much worse than the labour itself. My fellow warriors stay strong and stay safe.
Make the most of life
I have been in health care since I was 16 years old. I started off as a carer for the elderly then trained to be a nurse. My first post was on ward 13 at the Victoria Hospital the main acute hospital for Fife. The ward was the Medical Assessment unit for the elderly, it was basically like an intensive care unit. I have always worked with the elderly I enjoyed caring for them and listening to their stories of old times, the war and their journey through life. One thing that has entered my head though is that the most common theme the elderly talk about when they are nearing end of life is regret. I have lost count how many times I have heard tears of sorrow because of regrets that people hold onto. Hear me when I say this because it is important, regret will eat away at you and it will affect you when you are older so don't waste time, go out and do everything you have always wanted to because I have found a lot of poeple pondering over their regrets and it sad to see. The look in their eyes say it all hence why I made the decision to make a bucket list so I don't have any regrets when I am older. Everyone will have regrets that is life but the nature of those regrets will change it is the big things for example not leaving an abusive relationship, not making amends with people, not visiting that country you always wanted to anything you feel you may regret eliminate it. I want my older years to be as stress free as possible and that is why I am eliminating anything that may cause me regret. Watching these older patients open up about their regrets especially when it is a common theme amongst all has taught me a valuable lesson in life and one that I try pass onto other people, but only because I know first hand what regret actually does to people when they are reaching that point in their life. Regret seems to consume people with negative consequences, depression, anxiety and guilt are all included with the feeling of regret especially if it ws something they really wanted to do or say but didn't get the chance to. This is my worst fear to be honest, I do not want to be in my nursing home thinking about all the things I should have said or should have done, I want to be in my nursing home feeling content and die content. So please everyone it's your life go out and live your life to the full, do all the things you want to do, make up with people even if you don't want to as that can possibly be a regret when you are older. When people reach that point its like something hits them and they just know they will never have a chance again to do the things they wanted to. Then the depression comes and it can spiral out of control that is why eliminating regret as much as possible will give you a more settled life when that time comes for you. Believe in yourself and go live life to the full, remember no regrest equals contentment, I know first hand I have seen what regret does to hundreds upon hundreds of people maybe thousands. No one wants to get to that point and start to reflect on life and feel bad about it you want to feel blessed that you had the opportunity to experience life. Life is a gift that is why it is called the present, look after yourself and live life to the fullest. Peace!
Who else is digging lock down
I am what you call an introvert, always loved my own company and always wondered why some people just loved being around other people. Lock down for some is a nightmare, missing their loved ones and worrying about the dire strate the world is in since COVID 19. It's 2021 I am sure I am not the only one to have underestimated how long this was going to last. Nothing seems to be stopping for now and who knows how long it will continue. I empathise with the ones out there affected by lock down it must be very difficult not seeing family members. I on the otherhand love this about lock down it keeps my family at bay, a bit extreme some might say but you haven't met my family. Remember the TV show back in 2004 called Shameless, about a single dad on benefits with loads of kids trying to scam a living anyway they could. Well... thats my family no way are they having my address so they can show me up on my own door step. No my neighbours need saved from that believe me!! My brother said once, "Shell we should take mum on Jeremy Kyle and expose her" I was like "No way thats my worst fear" he was all for it even tried wasting his breath on trying to persuade me to change my mind. I was a nurse, can you imagine all my patients faces as I stood at their bedside to hand them their morning medication to look at me to then realise thats the person on TV. Nope thank you very not I will save my dignity and keep my life to myself not broadcast it to the world. My brother huffed and puffed and tried to blow my house down but he failed miserably. He felt hard done by and wanted payment for his suffering and was assessing all avenues available to him. I mean all avenues even if it meant he made a fool of himself in front of a full audience. I am not saying that's what people did on the show it was a fact I knew about my brother. He is something else. He saw he was getting no where with that idea and gave up asking, his next one was "Shell let's take mum to the newspapers" I was like "Not this again" my ears instantly wanted to close down any hint of his agenda against my mother. I chose to rise above that hence why I lived in an unknown location at an unknown address, only a very select few know where I live and it is staying like that. If I want to see my family I would visit them which was rarely to be honest. I am different from them in every way so its nice to do normal stuff but know lock down disbales them of the feel sorry for me phrase they normally use on me, they know its against guidelines so they can't say nothing and don't I know it. Hence why I am loving lock down no one can come to my door and not being able to visit my mum suits me fine I can chill at home blissfully and wouldn't change it for the world. I wasn't always so anti social it just gradually grew as I chopped toxic people from my life, it left me how I love it, on my own except for my partner that is. See someone might look at me and feel sad or think I may get lonely through having no friends it doesn't bother me at all. In fact I am faced with less drama, I have found in my experience that the more people in my life the more drama it causes. I am too old for that shit, no my life is much better with less people hence why I am digging the lock down rules I'm like "YEAH" "you can't get me" say that and imagine someone doing the Carlton Dance from Fresh Prince of Bellair then you will know the vibe I'm feeling. I am taking full advantage of the lock down and staying inside, even shut all the blinds except all the back windows google Falkland Hill and you will see why, stunning and many hours of entertainment for me during lock down. Events like this make you look at the world and appreciate what you have around you and how lucky you really are. That is how I feel anyway when I look outside, I breath it in. I do understand why people don't like being alone like I do, must be scary being stuck in your own household with no contact from family or friends from outside. It is important we try keep eachother safe, I am doing my bit without even trying as I prefer it, if it was the other way I am not sure my opinion would remain the same. My best friend prefers company, she gets anxious on her own and more than a week her mentle health starts to deteriorate, thank the lord for ipads and video call apps at least you can still see people even if you can't be around them. I often wonder about poorer regions that don't have this kind of technology it must be hard for them. I am just doing what I normally do and go about my day with minimum contact from people. My best friend understands why I am the way I am and never makes me feel bad for months with no contact its who I am and she is fine with that. I know she has good friends and supportive family around her at her end so know she is cared for. She has her partner I am grateful to him as if he was not there I am not sure how she would cope with lock down. I want COVID 19 to end like everyone else but not because I am struggling with lock down I want it to end to protect human life, it seems though that is not on the cards yet, who knows what the future holds it will end one day, until then I will enjoy my peace as I know that too can't last forever.
Meant to be
We have all heard the saying that people come into your life for a reason and I am firm believer in this. I have not had much luck when it comes to relationships I seem to pick the guys that like to beat and abuse woman. I knew there must be more to life than just being abused all the time. I decided I was going to try and find a guy that treated me like the human being that I am. I went on the dating app Plenty of Fish (POF) and began chatting to a couple of guys but lost interest, I was a nurse at the time working 12.5 hour nightshift so didn't have much time to socialise outside work. One night at work whilst on break I went onto POF to check my messages when I saw a name that I knew... Mark Taylor. Me and Mark are from the same town and we attended the same primary school, so you could say we were kind of childhood friends. I moved away when I was 11 and Mark thought I had passed away as there was another girl with the same name who passed away and Mark had gotten mixed up. I must admit I had seen Mark when I was in my early 20's he was walking into a shop and he caught my eye, he is hot I thought to myself and that was it I hadn't seen him for years and now he has messaged me, the funny bit is he had no idea who I was. I replied to his message Mark Taylor... I got a reply "how do you know my name"? and then it dawned on him, Michelle King your alive. We got chatting, I had a sense of comfort with Mark right from the start I could'nt believe my luck to be honest I was well punching and I was well happy a nice guy for a change. We arranged to meet up in person, I was nervous as the door went, I opened it and he was there smiling "long time no see stranger" I had an instant connection with him and wanted him so bad. We sat and talked about old times and how we came across each others path. I had moved back to my home town I had been there for over 2 years and Mark had no idea I was even there. That was it me and Mark became unseperatable when I was not at work I was with him, we went out cycling, walking, swimming all the things I loved to do another bonus. Me and Mark had similar back grounds, we both moved out of our house aged 16 and moved in with someone 8 years our senior. We both had problems in our relationship and we were both brought together for a reason. Mark realised my life had been pretty crap until that point and I was pleased to see he was nothing like my ex's. My dog Buddy loved him and that was a good sign for me. As time went by me and Mark got to know one another better and decided we wanted to start a relationship together my heart was bursting with joy I felt so happy. We moved in with eachother quite quickly but I knew deep down this was the guy for me I felt it in my bones. We have bought our first dog together and are trying for a baby. We have been together almost 4 years and we continue to grow stronger, this man has taught me true love and kindness, he has healed me from a very traumatic past. He understands me like no one on earth including my own family, he is the only man that makes me feel safe and for once in my life I am content. He has taken on my son as his own even when my son has meltdowns Mark is still here and that says a lot. I can truly say god brought me my soulmate, my twin flame and I stand strong because of him. He is my Hero and I will eternally love him and remain loyal to him until my last breath. I want to thank POF as if it weren't for that app who knows what might of happened, Mark feels god brought him to us and I am so thankful he did. We are together forever now, we are building the life we both deserve and wow happiness is an awesome emotion. Life works in mysterious ways, I have a connection with Mark a connection I have never ever had with anyone else. We have our issues like everyone else, I love this man with my whole being and I will do whatever I can to make him happy he deserves it. We are building a strong unit and he is teaching me how to be a better person inside and out. He casts no judgement on me, he accepts me for me like I accept him for being him. He has shown me happiness and now the world is our oyster, adventures to be had and memories to be made and to be honest I wouldn't change it for anything in this world. Mark I love you from the bottom of my heart thank you, you are my hero.
Love at first sight
I have owned dogs my entire life, the breed I was most used to was the Staffordshire Bull Terrier. These dogs have a bad rep but in my opinion they are looking at the wrong end of the lead. I came across an ad once for an American Bulldog, I had never owned this breed before. I did a bit of reading on their breed and decided to go pick this dog up. I arrived at the door and was welcomed in. As I walked into the living room I saw the dog I had seen so many times but only in picture form, he approached me and instantly the owner told the dog off he went as flat as a pancake, this dog was scared he also looked underweight for his size. The woman wanted £1000 but I offerred her £600 due to his condition. I attached the lead handed over the money and left. Once outside the dog was jumping around like an excited deer, it was evident he had, had no previous training. Once I got home I introduced him to my female Staffordhire Bull Terrier called Roxy, it was like love at first sight. I called the vet and made an appointment for him to be seen, his name was Geo but I changed it to Buddy as I felt it was more suited to his sweet nature. At the vet it was found Buddy had 14 injuries including a fractured tooth along with his weight it was clear he hadn't had the best start in life, he also had muscle wastage in his hind legs consistent with being sat down a lot. The vet looked at me with a concerned look and said this dog has been abused. This saddened me, as I took his big bear head in my hands I looked at him and made him a promise, his life of abuse was over. Buddy had no seperation anxiety he loved it with me and would shower me in licks and cuddles it was like he was saying thank you. He had weekly visits at the vets to be weighed he put on 2kg in a 2 week period, the vet was pleased. He was booked in to be nuetered and settled in to his new life. Buddy fitted right in and passed all tests with flying colours, he was great with kids and other dogs. Buddy is nearing his 9th birthday the thought of life without him is just too much to bare. I made the choice to get another American Bulldog the search was on, I came across a post on facebook of a female American Bulldog and she was in labour. I typed the name into my messenger and enquired about the puppies. I was the first to message so was given pick of the litter, we chose a boy with a red patch around his eye and some patches on his back, we named him Kano. Kano was in Newcastle and we lived in Scotland, an 8 hour journey from us. I was super excited so off we set for Newcastle to pick up the new addition. When we arrived we were welcomed and taken to the living room, and there sitting on the lady's knee was Kano and he was stunning. He did ever so well on the drive back up sleeping most of the way, he had a little car sickness but apart from that it was a successful journey. Now to see if the big boy liked him, as soon as Buddy saw Kano his tail was wagging he wanted to play and before long they were cuddled up together sound asleep, Success!! I thought to myself. I stayed in contact with the family sending them pictures and videos of Kano as he grew, they were glad he went to good home. I remain close friends with the family and we talk on social media a lot. I got a message one day to say that their bitch was pregnant again this was not planned and they had no choice but to deal with it. The puppies were just too tempting I booked another one this time a little girl called Bonnie, she is pure white except from one red patch on her back. I then picked another one this time a boy his name is Bronson and he is pure white, I know you probably think I am insane but the way I see it is I can't make a difference for every dog in the world but I can make a difference to mine. I have always wanted a pack of dogs, we love the outdoors so American Bulldogs are well suited to us and our life style and I have the time and patience to look after them. It will be hard work no doubt about that but by the end we will have a pack of Bulldogs that are happy and fulfilled. Bonnie and Bronson are 4 weeks old now and due to be picked up soon, another road trip to Newcastle. The couple are glad 2 more of their babies come join us in Scotland to have the time of their life.