Thanks, Mom! An Unforgettable Tale of Embarrassment from an American Adolescence

Hi, If your reading this you should feel really glad. Yes, feel really glad you didn't grow up with my mom. Fortunately, my mom is awesome but growing up she was always able to come up with the most wonderful ideas.

One can never guess how fast you can go from excitement to humiliation.

Here's a story I never talk about

It was a normal day besides the circumstances Mini-me was going to a birthday party of a relative.

Let's call him Rob.

Rob was turning 16 and was having what all other 16-year-olds wished they could have a sweet 16. 14 yr old me was invited and I was in disbelief. Yes, I was only going because I bore relation ( Rob was my nephew) and with my mom and siblings of all things but it was a party and I had never really been to one of those.

Rob decided he wanted a Hawaiian theme so this party was thrown on a lake decked out with tiki torches, lays, and a lot of party city all thanks to his very loving parents which I wish I possessed. It all seemed to be going smoothly there was jet - skiing and music, great food all was as expected. Until it hit about 5'clock that was when cake time was near and everyone including rob and all of rob's closest 16-year-old friends, started gathering up for the best part of the night. My unending humiliation,

Usually, when you go to the average American birthday party you sing when you cut the cake.

The said birthday boy or girl would be happily surrounded by their favorite counterparts and companions that they hold so dear to their heart and those said companions would sing "Happy Birthday" to celebrate the date of their birth. But unfortunately for Rob, my mom was at this party and my mom had just the cutest idea.

She had given birth to the best person to sing happy birthday to dear rob and friends:

me, myself, and I

Yes, lovely people of the internet she wanted me to sing and not only sing but sing dressed as a hula girl and sing in front of a very large group of 16 yr old boys and the costume was not a vibe, it was a horror, a scar. A scar that I definitely carry with me to this day. If you're having some issues imagining just what that might have looked like you can find many versions on eBay and Poshmark.

Now let me say this:

If you can find your childhood horrors on eBay there's something very wrong.

I wish it had looked like this:

Maybe if it had I would have been less horrified but unfortunately dear reader it did not.

On that day between every line of happy birthday, there was a wet line of tears and sob behind it. A girl went home and cried into her pillow that night believing in a ruined social life.

And every year that goes by there's always a cringe to be had when I go thinking about it.

The only thing I can be grateful for is that there doesn't seem to be any pictures remaining of the event probably because I burned them all. Yes, sir, the only images remaining of that day reside in the deep dark recesses of my mind.

So I'd just like to say thanks to my mom for all those embarrassing moments coming up and that no matter what horrors I may encounter whether man-made or mom-made I still bear lots of love for the woman who made me.