How do you do it?!

Dear Ms. Ashley - I'm so glad that I've discovered your presentations and gorgeous headings. Being a "Full-Time-Everything" is certainly not E/Z but you do it so well; it is your gift to us. This story caught my eye since it's so incredible that V.M gives us a platform that we hear from readers internationally - how cool is that for $10 Bucks a month - Such a Bargain. I'm just a retired legal professional morphed into a 'Goof Writer' nothing more. And, I've never paid any attention to stats/or contests but, so respect those that are. btw; I've heard from so-so many readers from all sorts of colloquial cultures-languages that could relate to many of my shorts, especially "Cultural Exchange" I'm certain they do with your offerings. - With Respect - Jay

One of the reasons I started doing a compilation series on Vocal is because I felt that guilt overwhelming me. Highlighting the creators I admire, even in small batches, allows me to support a lot of people while getting reading done (and writing too). The guilt ebbs away as I go on my hunt, and then I can spread my attention to a wider variety of creators. Then there are days when I go down just one or two creators' profiles, reading the stuff I've missed. I'll go through my notifications when I have a chunk of time to do so. Or else, I'll read through the comment sections of my stories and answer comments that my notifications buried. I compile stories in a reading list when I have no time to read and get to them later, sometimes a week later. This helps me not feel as anxious and guilty, because I know I'll read them at some point. I have a need to read everything and to be a great support for everyone. But that's not possible. If I'm lucky, I have an hour during the work week to read, write, and reply to comments. I wish I had more time, and maybe I will eventually. Right now, weekends and days off are my dedicated time slots. If I can leave a worthwhile comment on one out of every 10 or 20 stories that get posted, I feel better than if it was a superficial comment on every story. Quality over quantity, I suppose. And I'm learning too that if I write what fulfills me, I feel less anxious energy to write write write, and that gives me more time for reading. But hey, sometimes, I want to write and not read, and that's okay too. I think people here are super understanding, and if they're not, then that's one fewer person you need to worry about. I agree, though, about the transactional approach; my view on that is to read what you like. If a creator comments on your story and you check out their profile and decide to subscribe, you'll be reading their stories soon enough. Do it whenever you have time and want to. Those stories ain't going anywhere, and people have enough going on in their lives to hate you for being absent for a few days. It happens! Thank you for posting this article. I think you spoke for quite a few of us here, and it's nice knowing that we're in the same boat. I love how supportive we all of each other. ❤️❤️❤️

I recently have been struggling with this too so I am so glad you have discussed it openly here.☺️ I need to put a bit of thought into your questions first as I just don’t know. I kinda got lost for ten minutes in the comments below, looking for tips on how to deal with this Lol! But the last ones that D and Naomi said I.e do it so it is not an obligatory feeling, read what you want and do it for the love of it..type thing, I think I am in that camp Ashley, but it’s also more complex though as you/we I assume ..wanna build an audience as well. I need to sleep on this! 😅

1. I don't have a full time job anymore and I'm not a mom or a wife. I'm just a daughter and I plan to keep it that way. I don't have a social life as I'm an introvert with social anxiety and agoraphobia. So I'm happy to be alone at home. So with these, I have a lot of time on my hands. I do have house chores daily and it takes up max 2 hours of my time. Sometimes, I do have to go out for my hospital appointments but I still read while waiting. I usually start reading from 9am to 6pm. But it comes with meal breaks and bathroom breaks, lol. And you know what's the saddest part? I still wouldn't be able to read everything! 2. I don't skim or gloss over anything. I just can't. I have to read everything 😅 3. Oh yes, that guilt would eat me alive. But I tell myself that I've been reading so many pieces per day and there is only so much that I could read. 4. I don't have anything new for now! 5. My advice would be to read because you want to. I don't feel obligated to read. I want to read because I love reading and supporting you guys. Like Naomi mentioned, it shouldn't feel like a chore.

I published a now deleted story about the narcissism on this platform—and of course it outraged the guilty. I learned long ago to have boundaries for myself, especially as someone who wants to pour their energy into creating. Nobody is entitled to my attention! It doesn’t matter what they do for me. Especially if they did it with impure motives. I basically said in the post that I will not allow reading stories on Vocal to ever become an obligation of mine. Nope. It’s not going to be a chore I have to get to, like laundry. I read for pleasure. I’ll read wherever TF I want, when I want, and I don’t need to explain it to anyone. And I also said that if I leave love on anyone’s stories… I just want them to take my love. They don’t need to “earn” it by leaving comments for me. I’m not interested in transactional relationships like that. I hope nobody ever feels pressure to read what I publish. I think the people who feel so entitled to reads are gross. Yes, we all want people to read our stories. But not everything is for everyone. I won’t read fantasy, or most sci fi, no matter who wrote it. I know people who love my writing but won’t read the smut I occasionally put up, and that’s fine. When someone is pulled into what I publish and genuinely excited to read it, that means more to me. I’ve got stacks of books I’ve never read. No one can read every story on Vocal, and it’s arrogant to assume otherwise. Enjoy your time away, you deserve it!

I can relate to your hardships Ashley. I don't know if those guilty feelings are a result of societal standards of performance and consistency or the inner critic. If I am honest, I think it's a mixture of both. And while that may be the case, I don't think allowing those standards eat at your being because as you said, you are human. Like all of us, I believe in honing a mindset of embodying the change you want to see in the world. The change starts with the self and then it branches out to the community. For you, it started with this article, and as a result, the community responded. This was beautifully written, and I am glad you did because this is just another reminder to analyze my inner critic regularly and not be pressured to engage/post or whatever from an empty cup. If it means anything, what helps me is extending the same grace and compassion I give others to myself as well. It allows me to see the humanity in myself, which helps me understand that I can only do so much in a day, even if I wanted to desperately do more. Hopefully, this jumbled thought/comment makes sense and is one you can find helpful for the days to come!

And I wrote a response to this! https://vocal.media/writers/writer-advice-for-doing-better-on-vocal

AND heres something I'd like to recommend of mine you might have missed: I write these poems while listening to instrumental music I like https://vocal.media/poets/a-normal-life-x81us0n8l

I think you do amazing. <3

Ashley, I think you do an amazing job! Writing is a paying hobby for me too, so I struggle with finding time to read, comment and post my own pieces. I try to, at the very least, keep up with my notifications. Thankfully, my work is flexible, so I have a few moments during the day to go on Vocal +. I have the app on my phone and notifications turned on, so that helps. When I have more uninterrupted time, I try to read some of the longer stories, but I am like you, I can get through a few stories if they are only a few minutes. I am learning not to put so much pressure on myself since this is not my job, but something I enjoy. Some days I do great and other days I barely am on the site. That is okay and you shouldn't have to worry about explaining yourself to anyone but yourself.

1. I don't tbh. I suck at balance. I just do the best I can and sometimes, something has to give. I am sure everyone else is more or less in the same boat. 2. I go with my gut! I don't overthink it. 3. YES absolutely. 4. My latest: https://vocal.media/fiction/run-run-as-fast-as-you-can 5. I have no advice. Maybe set a trigger time for letting yourself browse on Vocal, even if it's one or two reads and an encouraging comment. It will keep your writing cogs well greased, if nothing else.

I've definitely felt similarly. It's one of the reasons I was so hesitant to make myself known in comment sections in the first place. I've been around vocal since 2021, long before I knew anyone on here or starting commenting. I was reading multiple pieces on here everyday but just doing so silently, and part of it is because of these reasons, I kind of feared becoming part of a community and then not being a good enough part of that community. I don't want anyone to make assumptions that I don't care or don't want to support them if I'm not vocal..on vocal. But I think we all know on some level that this is just a small piece of our lives, we are all busy and have other responsibilities. I personally try to take a few minutes at some point each day to read what I can from people I'm subscribed to, and then if there's time, top stories or latest stories that catch my eye. I gravitate towards just whatever speaks to me if I'm short on time. I personally don't worry if people read what I write or comment, it's nice when they do but I don't let it bother me if not. I'm writing here mainly for practice, and to be surrounded by other creative voices because it inspires me, but I know that people are busy and not every piece is going to appeal to every person. The overthinking is so real, story of my life, but I have found that once I started getting into the community everyone is so nice and welcoming and supportive. I absolutely would never assume anyone doesn't care or is trying to be mean if I didn't hear from them for a while. Sorry this was the longest comment ever but I guess I'm trying to say I think a lot of us feel this on some level, I for sure do, but everyone is so nice here I don't think we have to be as worried about it as we are.

Maybe this might help. My stats show I have 109 subscribers, I'm sure many of you have a lot more, but I have no idea who they all are. I do know that there are maybe 7-10 that comment on my work on a regular basis. They are the ones I make an extra effort to return the support. Maybe if there were names to go with the support numbers it would be easier to read more submissions, but that's not how it works. I know I'm very grateful for your comments and critiques. Yust do what you can. It's a hobby!

Thank you for being so candid and open about this! I too feel a little guilt related to this platform. Whenever someone comments and/or subscribes, I feel like I should reciprocate. Because I want to! But you’re right, oftentimes things just get lost/buried beneath new notifications that pop up. The little advice I have is to not be so hard on yourself. You are one person who also has a life outside this community. You’re allowed to take time away, and no one can fault you for not responding to every little thing because it’s just not possible sometimes.

For example, I feel guilty about not reading you more...your skill and versatility are always a joy to read, and you've shown such interest and support of my work! I think we all understand how busy it can be, and you juggle it all extremely well!

Hey Ashley, this is a great question! So for me, I always set aside time while I'm drinking my coffee to read one poem and one short story. There is a ton of great content on here, and I accept I will never get to all of it. And, most importantly, I think everyone else on here understands that! What's most important is to focus on being genuine and not trying to clear out your reading queue because you feel like you had a duty to. I'd rather have one person give a genuine interaction with one piece of my portfolio, than blow through all of it without really engaging with the piece. and here's a piece you should check out of mine! https://vocal.media/poets/a-god-s-twilight-shadow

Hi Ashley, you raised an interesting topic! I try to answer your questions: 1. I try to schedule a few hours a day, but it's not always possible, so I dedicate some free time to vocal when I don't have to work. 2. I choose stories from the feed, and then from Top Stories, but I also look at the Latest Stories, because the latter are not yet included in the Top Stories and maybe never will be and there are many interesting stories there. However, I can't read everything and it depends a lot on the topic, so after the title and the first paragraph I immediately realize if it's a story that doesn't appeal to me (yes, unfortunately the incipit is important). Unfortunately, long stories are affected a lot, because there is little time and I would like vocal to have a sort of bookmark so that I can read them later without losing them. 3. Some time ago I felt this sense of guilt on other social networks. Over the years I have learned to let go. I don't want even Vocal to be affected by the stress of social media, to read a story it takes time and calm, the stories are always there, we can read them even after a few days or months without any fault! A story is not just a post, it can last forever! 4. I leave you this link, I hope you like the story, if not, just tell me! https://vocal.media/fiction/pinocchio-and-his-dads 5. My final advice is to let Vocal enter your life without being suffocated by it, we must adapt the tools to ourselves and not become slaves to them, otherwise we lose all the fun and also the motivation!

First things first, Ashley, pal, don't sweat it too much. You are a great supporter of others in the community. I am not trying to speak for anyone else, but that's how I see it. Secondly, I hear you and relate so much...even that cleaning comment at the end too. lol. I don't know if I balanace it any better than you. Like you, I have other responsibilties and so know how it feels when you have them, your own writing and the hundreds of brilliant stuff by brilliant people on this platform. You are most definitely not alone. I relate to all the problems and feel similar things to all things you mentioned in your numbered list. As you posed the questions, I'm going to be a brave little Scotsman and answer them, wearing my fireproof vest or something. Okay, it's just like a polo shirt, but you know what, screw it. 1. I am not great at balancing. I normally have an agreement with Ruth, though, that puts a block on Vocal, especially if I have a lot of client work or other things on. So that pushes me to do that first, then Vocal. Then I kinda just try to work with what I have. If I have writing stuff to do, finish or publish. That generally comes first. Then it's comments and then reading, or something. It also changes on a daily basis. There are some creators I am woefully behind on their work and they probably hate me for it (See what I mean...same as you). I just do my best. Sometimes, longer pieces, I'm the same as you with, I will dart past them, unless they don't write much poetry, so I might devote more time. I always feel bad. There is never enough time. 2. I kinda answered question 2 above, but really it depends. I am guilty of taking the lazy approach and if it's like telling me its 45 minutes read, I might skip it - sorry guys - but I just feel like sometimes if I read a bunch of poetry and have time to comment thoughtfully on them, then the people I follow will get that I'm trying my best to be supportive. I dunno though. Reading that back makes me sound crappy. Shruggy shoulder emoji. 3. As you've probably gathered from mumbling mumbles above, I suffer from a heavy duty amount of guilt. I think it's because if I don't get the reads, I do feel a bit like "people are busy" but also "aww...less reads than I hoped" so I know that feeling and hate that others might be thinking that or that I'm ignoring their hard work that is most usually going to be awesome. I just try to tell myself I'm doing as best I can and Vocal Deep Cuts helps balance out those guilty feelings too, kinda. Right now, I'm feeling horrible for all the pieces I've missed this week..so coping doesn't always work lol! 4. It was a toss up between three, that I'm really proud of, that I have recently published, but I opted for this, because it might help you feel better, I dunno? https://vocal.media/poets/i-want-you-to-know-qo7r604tk 5. The fact that you have written this piece and shared your feelings, concerns, guilt and worries about this subject tells us all loud and clear that you care. That it matters. So, please don't beat yourself up too much, okay? There is no need to apologise, also, it's nice to hear I guess, because it means we know you are well and okay or have just been busy (that's more what I worry about when I don't see regulars posting...my anxiety kicks in...that's on me though, so don't take that as more pressure lol) but you owe noone an apology. Like i say, you are one of the people that is very supportive of others and when you do comment, you always give thoughtful and insightful feedback. Mumble over. Sorry for the article-length, comment!

I hear you and am also struggling with this…. Honestly, the way I’m dealing with this currently is just not posting anything of my own, and still reading a few things here a day whenever I can. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can’t keep up with it anymore and the guilt was immense.

It's so funny you ask this. I was thinking about this recently; writers NEED readers. So it makes sense writers should be readers! How I do it: I go to my subscriptions, and I'll take my time with each profile. I'll read the new pieces, then bounce to old parts, and I do it like a break from life. Just remember you're doing your best, and the people who are human here will remember that as well; if people want to get upset at you across the screens, they aren't your people. I think you're magnificent. Ps- I typically read mostly poems by others bc that interests me most. I branch out occasionally but don't feel bad when I'm not interested in reading something.