Five Things I No Longer Give a F*** About at 40-Years-Old! Part 1

As a child, whenever I envisioned myself turning 40-years-old, what I imagined than is most definitely NOT what I see today! Of course, I didn't have specifics for my fictitious 40-year-old self, but it did involve things like more wrinkles, more pounds, more bills, and more stress, ya know the obvious. However, this future me was also way more mature, put-together, sophisticated, and definitely wayyyyy more STABLE! But whaddaya know, my prediction didn't wind up quite like my reality. Sure, the wrinkles are there, although they are more so fine lines than deep creases. The stress, yeah the stress is, has, and will continue to always be there because, well, that's life! As for the pounds, well there were way more of those than I anticipated, like I'm talking, "haven't weighed this much since I was pregnant" kind of more. And yes, I know I will fluctuate till the day I die, but for now, FOR NOW, I can happily and proudly say the pounds are down! Yeah babyyy! Last but not least, as for the extra money I imagined, well thanks to the state of the world and our lovely economy combined with the inflated cost to eat, dress, and just LIVE, let's just say, SHOW ME THE MONEY! (Ugh, old person joke...sigh).

So what do I see when I look in the mirror these days? The truth is I still see a got-it-going-on woman who is fun, wild, and adventurous, and at times still very much stupid, doing and saying VERY stupid things. I still love to rock dope kicks and the newest fashion trends (minus the crop top, enter big sloppy tears). I still love to dress up, try Pinterest hair and makeup styles, and go act a fool on the dancefloor (but obvs I now prefer a start time of 9 p.m. or earlier). Or forget the club, give me a kitchen floor with friends or a dance party with my kids. and I will get down like I did in Tunnel and EXIT circa 2000. I know no longer lie about the pleasure I find in the occasional drunken stoge or partaking in the very LEGAL and very natural fine art of "getting lifted". Followed by shamelessly eating a frozen pizza at midnight while watching a movie dumb enough to kill more brain cells than the actual Maryjane. I most certainly still get upset when I don't get what I want, I definitely still argue with my friends over stupid shit, I still roll my eyes at my mom, and yes, I still occasionally fantasize about running away. Ya know, totally normal stuff here, HA!

OK, I am getting side tracked here. You see, out of all of my future-self predictions, I never considered the things I would NO LONGER feel or care about. Situations and thoughts that I once considered embarrassing or important that are now no longer that important to me. From decisions and opinions to ideas and insecurities, I want to acknowledge not what I have gained with age, but rather what I have so proudly lost and/or at least changed. So without further adieu here are a five things that I, and probably many of you too, no longer give a flying f*** about in my forties!

1. Doing shit I am told I am too old for. Let me get more specific. At first, I didn't have this as my number one, but after writing my list, I realized just how important it was. There are many parts of getting older that I struggle with especially when my heart and soul still feels 22-years-old. I have many tattoos and am going to get more, I still say "Yo", "Bro", and "Nahhh" like 100x a day (apparently I also say "like" way too much too). I've had every color hair and even shaved half of my head after my son was born, and today I just set an appointment to get my motorcycle license. With every year older I started to get anxious about no longer being able to do, say, want, and wear certain things. So when 40 was approaching I actually said the words, "well I guess I am done getting tattoos because I am too old". I know, total modern-day woman cringe moment. Society has totally f**ked the way we think about age and what is acceptable, especially for women, so to give up my spontaneity, bravery, and sometimes terrible ideas, would legit be my happiness-suicide. I know my herniated-disc may not like sitting on a motorcycle for hours and yes, sometimes I have the mouth of an angry truck driver, but this is WHO I AM! (Yes, yes I did just say herniated-disc...another sigh!) But F THAT, I am not hiding my tattoos or throwing away my flat-brimmed hats. Of course I will continue to try and watch my language around children and know when to say "how are you" instead of my natural "wuddup", but just because I am as close to 60 as I am 20, doesn't mean I shouldn't learn how to ride a 3-wheeled Can-am Ryker so my husband and I can start our own Ruff Riders bike gang. We have one life to live people and if we spend our time on earth worrying about every opinion or not looking, talking, and trying things that make us happy, than what the hell is the point? The only person I would be hurting is myself.

2. Enhancing my looks medically. OK, so I am not over here getting lipo and duck lips, but I no longer have any shame in the fact that I care about my looks and keeping them as good as possible for as long as possible. Unlike most of my peers I started getting Botox at 31-years-old, and not just because the lines in my forehead were deep enough to hold a penny in between, but also as a preventive method. Botox basically paralyzes muscles, therefore if you start early, the muscles/lines in your face will not form or deepen as quickly as they would naturally. However, I kept my injection visits a secret because, well I honestly, I am not sure why. Maybe because no one else was doing it yet and of course people always have a lot to say about shit they know nothing about, but looking back now, I wish I would have spoke up sooner. I probably could have saved a few women from the expensive task of filling in those deep creases because they waited too long. Same goes for my breast reduction. I was always so insecure about the size of my chest and never wanted anyone to know how badly I wanted a reduction, until one day I didn't care anymore. I mean I even had a "WOOHOO NEW BOOBIESS" cake to celebrate! Now, a year after my surgery, I couldn't be more proud and willing to share my story.

3. My parenting style. From nap times and sleep training to diet and screen time, the way someone parents has got to be one of the scariest and off-limit topics of a mother's life. At first, I would read a lot of books and ask a lot of questions, especially with my friends with older children. I am not sure if I truly needed advice or if I just didn't want to do something others would frown upon. Now listen, I am not a pushover by any means and I definitely had certain parenting rules, standards, and beliefs that were set in stone, but I couldn't help and second guess 80% of them in the beginning. They say a child's actions are a reflection of their parents and for a young first-time mom and dad, that is some scary shit. Here you have these little humans who you are trying keep alive and raise to be the best they can be; better than you are. To keep them safe and be kind but also courageous and curious. To stand up for themselves but not be a bully. So when you get a call that your 4-year-old bit another child for stealing his dinosaur, you cannot help but feel like you have failed and everyone is judging you. Now, looking back at that time and that child now being 12, I can tell you with full confidence that I don't give a flying f**k what anyone has to say. He was four and it's not like I taught him to bite people. Can you imagine, "here my son, watch mommy, this is how you properly break through skin with your teeth when someone steals your brontosaurus". Listen, we are all doing the best we can and that looks different for every family. Obviously, I know I am doing some things wrong, I am human, but I also know I am doing MANY things right. Do my kids have too much screen time? Yeah, probably. Should I not let my daughter use my TIKTOK account on weekends to make up dances, most likely, yeah. But these kids also spend more time on school work than most of their peers, always say please and thank you, and go to bed at a proper hour (in fact, I should probably revisit bedtimes as they starting to question why it is still light out while being tucked in). And so while my children may be a reflection of my husband and I, they are also CHILDREN and will make their own mistakes, so f*** off.

4. YOLO NO MO! Oh man, let me be completely honest right now, this is one of the newer changes in my life and is still a work in progress, however, I can confidentially say I am getting way better at not giving a flying f*** when missing something. It doesn't matter if it was missed for lack of invitation or because there wasn't a babysitter available, spending any amount of time jealous of others, is one-minute too many. Again, I am human and a young-hearted one at that, so of course I want to be at all the fun parties, but I have also learned it is not possible and I am trying to teach my kids the same.

5. My volume. I used to care so much about how loud and deep my natural voice is. Being TOO loud has always been a major insecurity of mine. There was nothing worse than someone telling me to "be quiet" or "lower your voice" or commenting how loud I am. Like HELLO, do you really think I am trying to be too loud on purpose? Or have a laugh that draws the attention of an entire room? No, these are the vocal chords I was freaking born with you asshats! Now, not only do I own my booming voice but I am proud to be heard by all. I love that people say my laugh is contagious and that I very rarely have to repeat myself. So comment all you want, but these days if you tell me to "bring it down a notch" prepare for the wrath, which I will make sure EVERYONE can hear. You're welcome.

Well, that is all for now folks! Part 2 will be coming your way soon, because trust me I have way more than five things I no longer give a F about. So until than, stay happy, healthy, and ALWAYS STAY YOU! Word. Haha, see what I did there? Word. As my daughter would say, "total side-eye mom!"