Does it really matter that much

I recently came across the concept of “if you look at a small problem too closely, you are going to make a big deal out of it” which is quite true in a lot of ways because the closer you come to an object, the bigger it looks in your eyes. This quote is very telling, when you consider your relationships and how you interact with different persons. Someone might do something very insignificant but because of the dynamic we have with this person it will push us to make a big deal out of it, meanwhile with another person we would not even bother.

That is because with one person we choose to ignore it all and focus on the bigger picture, thereby making that problem look insignificant, meanwhile with the other person we tend to focus our attention intently on what they did to the point where that little thing becomes so gigantic. The actions might be as small as leaving the toilet seat up, forgetting to shut a door, or even just a phrase which might have been misunderstood.

When you consider the broader scheme of things, especially when you take a step back to allow some time to pass by, upon reflection you realize that maybe that problem wasn’t worth freaking over, and you may have had an overreaction at the end of the day. There are tiny little problems which get to us and cause us to overreact not because of what they were, but much more because of who did them. It can be frustrating and even traumatizing for some. What you have to realize is that the relationship or experiences we have had with that person tends to act as a magnifying glass to their actions, but does not necessarily define what those actions were.

Negativity gets amplified

When you consider the betrayal which may come from a friend, that action tends to leave you in shambles because your relationship with that person acts as a magnifying glass. But with a bit of perspective, you realize that he or she was just looking out for themselves. Their actions were certainly selfish, but not different from what anybody else would do. They may have destroyed your relationship, but they weren’t that outlandish when you think about it. This happens the most with negative things. People might do good to you all their lives, that will always be considered as the norm, but the moment they do something negative, it gets magnified to the maximum. You tend to focus all of your attention on that alone, making what would have been a small problem something even bigger.

Did your friend take your girl, steal from you, or choose someone above you? That’s nothing strange, it happens all the time. Did a stranger step on your shoes, insult you or hurt you in any way? That too happens all the time. The only difference in all these scenarios are your pre-existing relationship with these persons and the mood you are in.

Add some perspective

I am not saying there aren’t any legitimate problems to be had, or you can’t get offended by the actions of someone else because certainly you can be. What I want you to factor in (because that will also determine your actions) is the fact that your pre-existing relationship with those people will tend to amplify or minimize the impact of those actions. Thus, no longer making them fair anymore. When this happens, it's easy to make a big deal out of what would have been a small issue. Your subsequent actions might not be proportional there by taking you into a downward spiral because you are going to overreact, and the other person will do the same, then the cycle continues.

It's important to take a step back and consider the reach of the actions of the other person, and how you are going to ultimately respond to them. The closer the person is to us, the more we tend to overreact to any negative actions of theirs. The further they are from us especially on an emotional level, the less we tend to react to any negative actions of theirs.

It's not all actions

It's important to note here that this doesn’t apply to all actions but those which specifically tend to incite retribution in our minds. Actions which are perceived as hurtful, hate filled or heinous. They might be small, or they might be very big. A good example of such actions are “lies”, when a partner lies to you, it's very different from when a friend lies to you or when a stranger does it.

Conclusion

I can’t possibly imagine all possible scenarios of actions or reactions everybody is going to have. The point of the article is that you should understand that certain actions get amplified because we tend to focus on them due to the relationship we have with the person who performed them.

This leads us to make a big deal out of what shouldn’t be considered an issue. This leads us all down a negative spiral of retribution where each party is trying to pay back the other. I think you should step back and factor in the relationship you have with that person and how that may have amplified their actions so that it helps you to give a fair assessment of the situation. This allows your reaction to be much more proportional to that action.