For those of you who don't know much about me, or don't know who I am at all, I would tell you but I can't promise you that I truly even know who I am myself. One thing that I do know for sure is that I do a lot of disassociating - disconnection and lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions, and identity. This agonizing mental disorder consumes my life.
the wind is whispering into my ear
The night time and all that comes with it is the hardest time for me,
A rough year comes along with many fears. The fears come along with many tears. Two surgeries, one stomach disease, one flu, one near death experience, one loss of passion and self identity, and a series of mentally damaging events were the beginning. Having a relationship where you are completely and utterly happy. This is where the damage is started. Because here, your heart feels full. You feel warm, and comforted. He makes the words that those girls are throwing around like a baseball hurt less. He makes them mean nothing. Then, the sky comes falling down and your world is torn to pieces. He broke your heart. So. You move on. It’s fine.
The night of the carnival that everyone had been so anxiously waiting for, for months now, had finally come. The thrilling annual small-town carnival that my friends and family members get so hyped up for. My mother, my father, my two sisters, and their friends all piled in the car, ready to go, getting crazy-excited to ride the salt and pepper shaker and the swings. Only, there was one thing.