Lena Bailey
Bio
Georgia born writer. Specializing in dating and true crime
If you have any questions or comments please email [email protected]
Stories (282/0)
Me Too and Time's Up
I was sexually assaulted by an ex-boyfriend, so I understand what people are going through. I was lucky because my assailant wasn't a boss or someone I needed in my life. He also wasn't someone who could fire me, get me fired, or get me kicked out of school. There was nothing bad he could do because I hid from him and he blocked me on social media. He thought I wronged him. In sexual assault or misconduct cases, "lucky" or "fine" are relative terms. I recently ran into someone who made fun of the Me Too movement because he didn't believe most of the stories. A low percentage of stories are made up. Because of people who don't believe the stories and the fact that sexual misconduct actually happens, the Me Too movement became popular in 2017. After the popularity of the me too hashtag rose, the Time's Up movement was created.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Humans
Too Controlling BDSM vs. Vanilla
Vanilla and BDSM are similar in some ways when it comes to what is too controlling. The main difference is rules and boundaries. In a vanilla relationship, you have boundaries and maybe rules to keep the relationship on the right track. The vanilla boundaries and rules may also be there to make sure there are no hurt feelings and everyone involved is on the same page. These rules and boundaries can be like monogamy: no being alone with certain genders (or people), and texting or calling when you arrive safe somewhere. In BDSM, some of the rules and boundaries can be similar to vanilla ones, but they go deeper than that. Part of the reason that the boundaries and rules go deeper in BDSM is because it's a power exchange lifestyle and the stuff we do is a little different. People have soft and hard limits and that's part of our boundaries and rules.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Filthy
BDSM Protocol
So protocol means different things to different people but everyone can agree that a lot, if not all of it, has to do with respect. Respect and protocol are very important in lifestyle. If anyone that wants to be in your BDSM circle as a friend, play buddy, mentor, or whatever doesn't understand respect or protocol, then they need to keep it moving. Boundaries are a big part of protocol but we will talk about boundaries in another post because boundaries are a vanilla topic too.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Filthy
Dating Older
I sometimes date men who were 10+ years older than me. My ex-fiancé actually told me that his dating age range was four years older or younger, but when I messaged him, he threw it out of the window. He was really surprised by me, but he was also happy that he loosened up his age guidelines. He was only 7 years older than me. I don't know if I will end up in an age gap relationship, but I would be open to it.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Humans
Little and Middle Aesthetic
Baby girls are submissives in the realm of DDlg (daddy Dom/ little girl) or age play. There are also a group of subs called baby boys. Littles (baby boys and girls) come in all ages. There is also a group called middles who are like littles but they identify as teens instead of like 12 or younger. Some people just like age play but don't consider themselves submissives.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Filthy
Sleeping with Someone on the First Date
I'm not a prude by any means, I promise. I just want to help my readers through dating and kink. There are people who are not interested in relationships and that's fine, keep doing your thing. If you are sleeping around, be smart and protect yourself, although that maybe a no duh to most people. The thing about it is that, if you are looking for a relationship, sleeping with someone on the first date could hurt that. I had a guy friend who slept with a girl on the first date. After he drove her home, he regretted it because she said something that offended or scared him and she was overwhelming to him. So he regretted it and she felt used. If you don't want to feel that way, why do it? You're a grown ass woman, tell the guy no. If you do sleep with him and he makes you feel used, the person you really should blame is yourself. You could have said no and avoided all of that. Not sleeping with someone on the first date is the only way to save yourself from hurt feelings and other issues. Sex complicates things sometimes and it may get in the way of getting to know someone.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Humans
Collars
Please note when I talk about subs I may use the pronoun she but I am aware that people of all genders can be subs. I had to look up these meanings to make sure I was getting these right and then I realized there are so many. I had no clue that there were so many. I know about day collars and protection collars but there are so many styles and types.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Filthy
Why BDSM Is Popular
Bondage and kink as we know it has been around for over 50 years but it has only been or gotten popular just a few years ago. I believe the popularity of it all began with 50 Shades of Grey. We have talked before why 50 Shades of Grey was 50 shades of crap. People just couldn't get enough of kink, hopefully they learned the right way to do kinky stuff though. If it turns you on don't listen to the vanillas (the non kinky people), they may bad mouth what you like. Yes Christian Grey was a little abusive but there are doms out there that are 100 times better and they are true doms. Real doms will cringe or laugh when you mention 50 Shades. I think porn and Tumblr also helped. There have been other movies or books that mention or portray kink. Sometimes Criminal Minds does episodes based on kink or swinging. I know I got into it because of both 50 Shades and Tumblr.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Filthy
What BDSM Isn't Part 4
Even after doing other posts about this topic, I still found more myths about BDSM. You can say no. You don't always have to do whatever your partner wants. You also always have rights. I have heard so many times that the bottom or sub type doesn't have rights. Sub types can give up their rights if they want to but that's their choice. I may do a whole article about sub rights later. You can have boundaries; most people have them. The list of boundaries can be as long as it needs to be for you.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Filthy
What BDSM Isn't Part 3
If you have not read part one or two click on my name to go to my page to do so. One myth that I haven't heard but heard similar ones to is that BDSM is about hurting people and making them do things they don't want to do. There's so much wrong with this statement. First off people can ask not to be hurt. Secondly, the lifestyle is just not all these people running around hurting people. The good people in the lifestyle actually care about people and their boundaries. Third, people can set up boundaries and the right people will respect the boundaries of others. It's not always violent or painful.
By Lena Bailey5 years ago in Filthy