1. To the driver I cut off on my way to wherever the hell I was rushing to get to, I’m sorry for cutting you off. It was really nothing personal. I was not out to get you or ruin your day, I was simply in a huge rush and being forced to drive behind you at turtle speed not only guaranteed my late arrival but also made me want to rip my hair out, one at a time. I obviously was in a bigger rush than you, because had you been in the slightest hurry to be anywhere but in your car, you would have been driving accordingly and then I wouldn’t have had to cut you off in the first place. And what do you care anyway? I’ll be out of your way and out of your sight just as soon as I can pass you , and you're free to carry on driving at five miles per hour... it’s a win-win situation. But instead, you prefer to box me in with the other asshole driver, who with my luck is also in a huge rush to nowhere, driving 7 miles per hour. Perhaps you two should carpool and save us all from such petty traffic dilemmas.
January, the first month of the year. A time of New Years’ resolutions, life changes and clean slates. Every change in season comes with a change in temperature, one which offsets our body's balance and weakens our immune system.
Once my virginity was laid to rest, buried, and mourned, it was time for me to move on. I was determined to figure out what all the hype surrounding sex was all about. And not just for me, but for my vagina- after such a tragic loss, it was the least I could do. How does one set out on such a journey, you ask? It was time for a road trip, just me and my vagina, two pals looking for some penis. We didn’t have to look very far; hailing down a penis was a snap. My hand barely made it up over my head and already penises were lining up from all directions.
We all know the familiar sound of our stomachs throwing a hissy fit. Somewhere between breakfast and lunch, it starts—hunger pangs, those painful cries in the pit of your stomach take over your brain and all you can think about is food.
Serial dating is definitely not a hobby or pastime of mine, it is simply a means to an end—the dating app end. I serial date myself to death in hopes of finding that one date that makes it all worth while. The one date for whom I would gladly delete every single last app, so we could live happily ever after and in love forever. Until then, the search continues and my dating stories continue making my friends laugh till they cry. All this dating probably makes me an expert by now, especially when it comes to using all the dating apps available in the App Store. I’ve used them all, way more than anyone should ever use in this lifetime and the next. Here is what I found in my dating app experiences and what I think about each of the apps in comparison to the rest.
Childhood friendships are the best. You literally have gone through everything together, even puberty! Someone who has stood by your side through your crippling monthly mood swings since your very first menstrual cycle—now that’s real friendship. Think about all the amazing memories you’ve shared, the good times, hard times, times your friendship was tried and tested, times you wish you could forget, and then that one time that changes everything. Like any relationship, there are good times and bad, makeups and breakups but there comes a time where the bad starts to exceed the good and the breakup is so bad that there is no makeup, it can never be mended. I guess all good things come to an end at some point, whether we like it or not, everything has an expiration date. There’s only so many times a friendship can be tried and tested before that friendship ceases to exist.