Part-time Avid Gamer, self appointed nerd, and volunteer Karate Instructor
Long time reader, first time blogger
Horoscopes for February
First Quarter Capricorn: Space may be the final frontier but it’s often made on the cheap with reused sets and kitchen appliances. Don’t let this put you off your attempt at building a bargain basement warp capable shuttle. Don’t forget your duct tape
Horoscopes for November
With today’s busy lifestyle and fast paced need for short form information, please allow me to provide you with your weekly horoscope. Let me gaze into my crystal ball, consult my Tarot Cards, and wave incense in the general direction of whichever way is north
Set Phasers to Fun
Have you ever looked at a camper van and wondered what it would be like to cruise the universe in it? Do you ever look at your trusty VW T5 and think ‘Yeah it would look cooler with Warp Nacelles’? Or like me have you watched Spaceballs so much that the movie now comes with a health warning?
The Son of the Dark
Groudrer ran as fast as his short legs would take him; as hard as he tried he couldn’t keep up with his Elven friend, Varitan, nor could he keep ahead of the wolves chasing them. Varitan turned and notched an arrow in his bow ‘Duck!’ he yelled. Groudrer barely had time to duck before Varitan loosed the arrow. As the arrow sailed over Groudrer it somehow split into multiple arrows, each finding a target in the wolves chasing them; and although not enough to slay the beasts the wound was enough to cause them to disengage from their pursuit. Groudrer came up beside his friend panting and out of breath ‘What part of dangerous over short distances did you not understand?’ Varitan looked at his friend and laughed ‘Must be the short part. I couldn’t imagine being that short.’ Groudrer took a deep breath ‘Oh ha ha Lofty. Height aside’ Groudrer replied ‘Did you do the magic with arrow?’ Varitan looked at him puzzlingly ‘No, wasn’t me. As far as magic is concerned, only my bow is enchanted to increase the speed of the arrow’ Varitan replied ‘I lack any magic skill or ability, I’m solely an archer.’ The two friends looked towards the wolves retreating in the distance; Varitan looked at his friend ‘Come with me, I have an idea.’
In Death We Serve
Heavy bootsteps echoed through the hall, the unmistakeable sound of ceramite striking durasteel. Anyone could tell by that noise that a Space Marine was the source of said noise. Zocasin Tharn, the Captain of the 1st Company, marched with purpose down the sterile hall on his way to the Apothecarion. His rotting, decaying armour looking out of place in the clean hallway, his stern face oozed and pulsated. The sight of him could make any of the non-augmented crew onboard wretch and vomit, but this crew had grown used to the sights, and smells.
In Space No One Here You Complain
Pluto is a massive ball of rock and ice hanging out in the Kuiper Belt and despite being only onesixth the size of Earth's moon, it is anywhere from 2.66 billion to 4.67 billion miles away. If travelling at the speed of light it wouldn't be much of a problem to get there, but imagine you're stuck in an engineering pod thats grants you a (notso)comfortable 10 square meters, or 107 square feet, of living space. Now imagine that the return journey won't take the lightspeed time of 10 hours-ish; but will take 5 years there and back
My Break From Writing
As I lie here awake at 0341, I ponder my life. It's been a while since I last wrote any articles, stories, reviews or anything really. Part of that is largely due to the state of my mental health and also I don’t have many fans that would be disappointed in the lack of content.
Doom & Gloom but at least no Boom
Imagine if you will you are an up and coming would be hero in the land of Kilforth, you spend your days walking around Sprawl City talking with other adventurers and would be heroes. No imagine you are questing across the land, dodging trolls and avoiding the bloody politics of the factions scrabbling for control of Kilforth. Grab your Gilded Sword and your Doom Shield as we go an a Gothic High Fantasy trip
Spandex? Check. Cape? Check. Underpants on the outside? Double Check.
Imagine if you will you are a spandex clad hero of the DC Universe, your days are spent performing super heroics and keeping up appearances to avoid people finding out you spend your spare time running around in brightly coloured pjs. Now imagine you are a Celestial Being beyond the mere trivial lives of the mortals beneath you, the trivial lives of the super heroes and super villains have now become a game to amuse you during your life eternal.
Roll for Perception, wait this isn't D&D!
Imagine if you will you are an adventurer in the High Fantasy lands of Dungeons & Dragons. You spend your days questing, looting, smashing monsters and rescuing the Princess, or Prince, of the week. Now imagine you've been ripped from the High Fantasy world you know and love and shoved into a world of satire and dirty jokes.