My Break From Writing

As I lie here awake at 0341, I ponder my life. It's been a while since I last wrote any articles, stories, reviews or anything really. Part of that is largely due to the state of my mental health and also I don’t have many fans that would be disappointed in the lack of content.

In between my day job, family life and personal life I haven't had much energy to sit and write, in fact I have had barely any energy at all. Karate, writing, anything. I’ve been under a lot of stress an anxiety at work which has gotten the better of me.

I've had mental health problems for about 30 years (and I'm not even 40) and it's fast becoming a case of the 'Straw that broke the camel's back.' I am currently seeking help from local support groups and my doctor. My family and friends are always on hand to help me. I've experienced depression, severe anxiety, paranoia, attempts at suicide and self-harm. It's been a dark time in my life, and it only seems to be getting darker. I’m surrounded by people and yet I feel completely alone. I have a loving family and yet I feel worthless.

It’s bad right now because currently I am on holiday and I dread going back to work next week. I’m hoping my doctor signs me off sick because I can’t sleep for the fear of what I’ll return to, the stress and anxiety make my chest hurt all the time. And I never have the energy to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time.

The stress has affected my epilepsy greatly, I can’t take the dog for a walk without fear of having a seizure, thank goodness for the emergency contacts list smartphones have these days.

So far my only joy in life are the moments the dog cuddles into me on the couch, the fun I have generating AI art and playing Fortnite. You know it’s bad when playing Fortnite is the highlight of your day.

But hopefully all is not lost. I may have lost interest in writing more on my ongoing story, Fudge, and board game reviews (a constructive criticism provided has made me review the process of reviewing board games.) I have been listening to a lot of podcasts and it's re-energised me. However, I will be going in a slightly different direction, only ever so slightly.

I want to work more on my Sam Dixon PI, I think there is a lot of potential there. I also want to look at reviewing other media and not just board games. Alongside this, I want to work on my novel and I'm drafting a lot of ideas for podcasts, both fiction and non-fiction. What I need is the energy to actually get up and write all these thoughts down. Even now I’m fleshing out an idea in my head for a new book. If all goes well I’ll be here in 2023 reviewing a successful year of writing

Providing I don't do anything stupid, and I have attempted to do a stupid thing several times only to be stopped by my wife and best friend, I should be back on here writing reviews, stories, and any other ramblings I happen to want to write down

If anyone takes the time to read this, I want to thank you. It’s means a lot that I have been able to tell people that I have metal health problems, I’m not ok and I need help. If like me you are down a dark place right now, seek help from friends, family, your doctor. Let’s not suffer in silence and let’s support each other through these dark times

Stay safe.